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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: It's finally here...
Iamhappytoday
♀ Member
Member # 39051
Default  Posted: 8:52 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The final d-day, where I learned the affair had been a PA the whole time and found 836 messages about their lurve and how they had sex all over the office, parking lot at work, etc., happened after she had deployed, so this whole life after separation has been with her oversees since I found out, and we were together several months after homewrecker girl deployed in January. She just got back this week, they are obviously in honeymoon land, and this weekend is his weekend with the girls and the first time she will be around them. I'm upset because of the effort he puts into maintaining that relationship is insanely disproportionate to the effort he put in here, but I feel good that they will have four girls under three to themselves this weekend. I hope they get their sorry asses handed to them.
Grrrrrrr.....


BW 39
WH 34
2DD's 15 months at start
Together 10 years, M 9
OW 22 CW, 2kids by 2 men & youngest less than 1 when affair started.
Dday 1 8/16/12 "just texting"
TT, gaslighting, denial; was always PA; he left me for her.

Posts: 135 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Free!!!
Iamhappytoday
♀ Member
Member # 39051
Default  Posted: 11:07 PM, October 10th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And the thought of her around my kids...

How do you cope? How do you keep semblance of faith, rationality, hope? The person who bragged and smirked and has been so self-satisfied with "winning", has kids nearly the same age, and I can hear the comparisons now, because she's a competitive little shallow thing.
Not potty trained yet?
Not speaking better yet?
Your daughter just said f$&@
Things I can't control...that a spouse wouldn't judge, but an ex and his OW would milk to the nth degree.
The anticipation of the potential fallout that may occur shortly is a bit disconcerting. The possible parenting one-upping is a very real concern, as that can have quite a few implications in the future.

I am stressing over a future that has not yet occurred. I need to stop. I just had to vent...

[This message edited by Iamhappytoday at 11:09 PM, October 10th (Thursday)]


BW 39
WH 34
2DD's 15 months at start
Together 10 years, M 9
OW 22 CW, 2kids by 2 men & youngest less than 1 when affair started.
Dday 1 8/16/12 "just texting"
TT, gaslighting, denial; was always PA; he left me for her.

Posts: 135 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Free!!!
SI Staff
Moderator
Member # 10
Default  Posted: 4:18 PM, October 11th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump

Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
imwideawake
♀ Member
Member # 23386
Default  Posted: 7:27 AM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry ((iamhappy)). Big hugs. Do you have something planned this weekend to keep you busy? Sending you strength.


Together 17 years.
Married 15
Me: BW, now 44
Him WH
dday 9/08
3 daughters, now 19, 17, & 15
Divorced 12/04/12

Posts: 891 | Registered: Mar 2009
CharlieFoxtrot
♀ Member
Member # 38010
Default  Posted: 8:14 AM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How are you doing today? I have had similar struggles with worrying about things that have yet to occur. Sometimes I think it is a healthy preparation, and sometimes I realize it has crossed the line to "obsessive stressin'." Be kind to yourself this weekend, do something for you, and most importantly, just deal with today's problems, they are more than enough. I'm so sorry for your pain.


Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

Posts: 505 | Registered: Jan 2013
Iamhappytoday
♀ Member
Member # 39051
Default  Posted: 12:55 AM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks so much for responding and sending good thoughts my way. I have been VERY much occupied with keeping myself busy and connecting with some very close friends. I'm in the spare at a close friend's house right now, thankful I have such caring friends, but I can't lie and say I don't have a few tears falling right now.
I'm just sad. I'm trying to be thankful for what I have, but I know I'm still mourning. I get to go to a special event tomorrow that I am excited about, but the worries over some issues with the ex that may come up do creep in at times.
I can totally relate about just putting one foot in front of the other, because sometimes the quiet and the fear and the unknown is so paralyzing.
Thanks for the hugs. I need'em!
Much love to all of you.


BW 39
WH 34
2DD's 15 months at start
Together 10 years, M 9
OW 22 CW, 2kids by 2 men & youngest less than 1 when affair started.
Dday 1 8/16/12 "just texting"
TT, gaslighting, denial; was always PA; he left me for her.

Posts: 135 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Free!!!
Junebug0525
♀ Member
Member # 29142
Default  Posted: 5:00 AM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It was very hard for me to have OW around my son. There was nothing I could do about it, no matter how much I told him I didn't want her around him. Therefore, if she's good with your kids, just be thankful. She could be a real witch to them or worse. If that happens, obviously get involved. As much as I hated the OW, she was always very good with my son and he liked her. When they come home talking about her, and they will, just nod. Don't engage in the conversation. You don't have to be mean, but you don't have to say anything nice, either. Eventually my son stopped talking about her. I kind of felt bad because I wasn't sure if he just stopped or he felt he couldn't say anything, but I made sure to engage him in other conversation, just changed the subject.


Me: BS
Him: WXH DDay-11/22/2009~ D~ 10/25/10
OWhore: Co-worker (7 years younger)
"Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." AND THEY DID!!!

Posts: 1141 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Maryland
jemimapd
♀ Member
Member # 37895
Default  Posted: 5:43 AM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry, iamhappy. It will get easier for you but it sure as well won't get easier for OW. Four girls under 3!

Let her "win". See how she likes real life.

I am an older, experienced parent and I'm telling you I would find four children a challenge. Will her own children also be there? If so, that's not a honeymoon, that's running a daycare.

You have a whole skill set as their mother. She is has no clue. My guess is that the novelty will carry them through the first few visits. Then it's going to get very tough indeed.

Let this one play out. You are their mother. No one will ever win against that.


Jemima Puddleduck is a trusting soul....
DD 1 Dec 2012; Divorced 11/13; 2 children
Me: BS (47) Him: WH (52) Her: 3 PA's
Ex bought a house, The Money Pit With Mold That Will Never Be Finished. He's living in the basement.

Posts: 726 | Registered: Dec 2012
Iamhappytoday
♀ Member
Member # 39051
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, October 14th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, y'all. It just sucks to witness honeymoon land. Naturally his weekend with the girls ended up with them spending nearly all of it at ex's mom's. POS probably dumped them there and went on his merry way .

His GF lives an hour away to the east. His mom lives an hour away to the west. I told him I assume he is with his *cough*GF 24/7, so acting taken aback that I want to know where my kids are is BS. THEY ARE TWO!!!!! I deserve to at least know what city they are in.
Effing asshole.

Sorry for the vent, I just...FTG, you know?


BW 39
WH 34
2DD's 15 months at start
Together 10 years, M 9
OW 22 CW, 2kids by 2 men & youngest less than 1 when affair started.
Dday 1 8/16/12 "just texting"
TT, gaslighting, denial; was always PA; he left me for her.

Posts: 135 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Free!!!
Topic Posts: 9

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