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Newest Member: ThrownAwayTwice (43226)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men - Part 15
Maximus Decimus
♂ New Member
Member # 33564
Default  Posted: 6:23 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks,Loserwords.


Strength and Honor

Posts: 34 | Registered: Oct 2011
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 6:24 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You bet!

Posts: 4571 | Registered: Dec 2010
Maximus Decimus
♂ New Member
Member # 33564
Default  Posted: 6:32 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm curious. It seems like most of us got M pretty young. I'm wondering how many of us would seek out and try to woo our current Ws if we were single and had never met them before. Do you think you would 'click' with them? Would you lock eyes across a room and feel a few butterflies? Is it only their actions (the A + other baggage) that cause problems now?

I have thought about this question a lot. I am certain for me the answer is yes and it pisses me off. I wish my answer was no.

I still look at her when she doesn't know it and I'm blown away. I see her laugh and it can completely turn around a bad day for me. I would never want another mother for my children. She can back a trailer.

I'm still convinced she is the one for me - and it kills me for 2 reasons. First, the way I feel and have always felt would never let me do to her what she did to me. Rationally, she, therefore, has never felt as strongly about me. Second, she ruined something great. I loved having this unbelievable woman by my side AND I loved loving someone as much as I did her. Neither her nor my love are the same to me now and I miss them.


Strength and Honor

Posts: 34 | Registered: Oct 2011
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 6:42 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She can back a trailer.

Mine couldn't, but it was what she was doing to the trailer hitch that got me...

Max, have you ever considered a DNA test? (re your profile info)


Posts: 6032 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Maximus Decimus
♂ New Member
Member # 33564
Default  Posted: 6:45 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Iím going to have to disagree with you here. I think I still want something very similar to what I did then

Nomoreplease - we think alike.

I still want what I wanted when we started dating, though I feel stupid now for wanting it at a young age. If she had been true to me and our marriage/relationship had been what I'd thought it was without the cheating, I'd have been a happy man all my life. I would never care that I hadn't been with another woman.

Now, I feel stupid and naive that I wanted only her. I thought I was making her special. Now I realize I couldn't make her special to me. SHE had to make herself special to me and fucking other guys doesn't do that, whether it happened back then or now.

I realize now that me sleeping with one woman or a bunch of woman wasn't going to change her to give me the relationship I wanted. If I knew that was the case, I'd just as soon sleep with a bunch of women, thanks.


Strength and Honor

Posts: 34 | Registered: Oct 2011
Maximus Decimus
♂ New Member
Member # 33564
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine couldn't, but it was what she was doing to the trailer hitch that got me...

She had chrome teeth?

Max, have you ever considered a DNA test? (re your profile info)

Yes, I have and should probably do it. I think about it now and then, but I don't really think it would turn up any surprises. That and truly, I don't know what I would do or how I would handle it if it did. I am afraid that finding out my son wasn't mine would push me over a fence that I couldn't get back over again.


Strength and Honor

Posts: 34 | Registered: Oct 2011
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 7:03 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Getting a DNA test is a very personal choice, Max. My wife's affair started before we even met, and continued for 15 years. I ended up doing a DNA test on my son when he was almost seven, and found out that he's not biologically mine. Hardest thing I've ever gone through, but at the same time, I haven't lost any love for him.

How old is your son?


Posts: 4571 | Registered: Dec 2010
DefeatedDad
♂ Member
Member # 41026
Default  Posted: 7:20 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Losfer does your wife know you know?


Me - BS 46
Wife - WS 44
Son 13, Daughter 17
Married 22 years
D-day May 16, 2012
TT D-Day 2 9/25/17
TT D-Day 3 1/02/14

Divorcing her sorry a--.


Posts: 217 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: New Mexico
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 7:30 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Losfer does your wife know you know?

DefeatedDad - Yes, in fact we looked at the results of the DNA test together. This was back in January of 2011. None of my family knows. Only a couple of her family members know. That's one of the hard things about this - now I have a secret about my son. That's one thing to keep in mind when weighing the pros and cons of taking a DNA test. That's why we've kept this so close to our pockets - we don't want him to be the last to know.


Posts: 4571 | Registered: Dec 2010
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 7:40 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Losfer,

Respect.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3306 | Registered: Dec 2011
foundoutlater
♂ Member
Member # 32900
Default  Posted: 7:50 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Losfer,
Respect.

I want to be that man. I fear I am not. I hope to never be tested. In this you are the man I hope I am Losfer.


Your beliefs donít make you a better person, your behavior does.

Posts: 1063 | Registered: Jul 2011
DefeatedDad
♂ Member
Member # 41026
Default  Posted: 8:03 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow Losfer.

Just.....wow....


Me - BS 46
Wife - WS 44
Son 13, Daughter 17
Married 22 years
D-day May 16, 2012
TT D-Day 2 9/25/17
TT D-Day 3 1/02/14

Divorcing her sorry a--.


Posts: 217 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: New Mexico
DefeatedDad
♂ Member
Member # 41026
Default  Posted: 8:05 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well I got off easy and don't have to have sex with the fWW tonight. She's on the rag.

Whew.......


Me - BS 46
Wife - WS 44
Son 13, Daughter 17
Married 22 years
D-day May 16, 2012
TT D-Day 2 9/25/17
TT D-Day 3 1/02/14

Divorcing her sorry a--.


Posts: 217 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: New Mexico
Ascendant
♂ Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 9:09 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well I got off easy and don't have to have sex with the fWW tonight. She's on the rag.
Whew.......
Whew....glad to know I'm not the only one who thinks that. It's definitely become a lights-off situation for me.


ďAnyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.Ē

Posts: 1617 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 9:34 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're a hell of a good man, Losfer. Your son is lucky to have a man like you in his life. I'm amazed by your strength, brother.


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1035 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 9:34 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Double post

[This message edited by Sal1995 at 9:35 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday)]


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1035 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 9:46 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, guys. I've also heard of situations where paternity is in question, and the guy has said, "I don't care, I'm not going to check, this is my son/daughter." I have major respect for those guys as well.

I've also talked to guys on here who have taken the DNA test, and it turns out their kids are biologically theirs. Whenever this happens, the joy in my heart is just huge. I can't describe it. I can't imagine the relief that those guys must have felt.

If any of you are questioning the DNA of your kids... know you have support here, no matter what your choice is, or how the test turns out. There's always someone here who has your back.


Posts: 4571 | Registered: Dec 2010
flup
♂ Member
Member # 21259
Default  Posted: 9:50 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ditto for my FWW. In fact, some of the things that most attracted me to her at that time should have been my biggest warnings. I was very naive with relationships
.

Same here, big time. Little did I know that she had sex with most of the guys in her neighborhood growing up, and with one of her high school teachers.

There is no way in fucking hell I'd get mixed up with her knowing what I know now.

Losfer, I don't know how you manage. I really don't. Knowing that - your fWW would have to be above-and-beyond remorseful... the Congressional Medal of Honor kind of remorseful. Hats off to you, sir.

Well I got off easy

I'm not off the hook yet, but... Why is it I feel a sense of empowerment by saying "No." to sex from fWW? I feel good and strong by not giving in, but I wonder about someone else filling (so to speak) in. I guess that if I have to really worry about that, we're not really in R. But, I read so many "false R" stories...

I take care of my own prostate health... manually.


Me: BS 55
Her: fWW 50

D-Day #1: 12 Aug. 2008. WW's 2nd affair w/college teacher.
D-Day #2: 18 June 2009. Affair #1 with neighbor was fall of 2002 - while I was coping with the fallout from 9/11.
Still trying to R.
22 years married


Posts: 426 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Ohio
doubleboggy
♂ Member
Member # 40622
Default  Posted: 7:36 AM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm a reasonably smart guy but in this I seriously couldn't figure out my ass from a hole in the ground.

Same here

the way I feel and have always felt would never let me do to her what she did to me. Rationally, she, therefore, has never felt as strongly about me

Ditto

Losfer,
Respect.


I have became what I have beheld and am content that I have done right. - Elliot Ness

Posts: 84 | Registered: Sep 2013
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 9:03 AM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maximus Decimus,

No worries my friend. Hope I didn't come across as preachy or annoyed. I was trying to convey another perspective to what seems like the abnormal here :)


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 957 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
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