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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men - Part 15
numb&dumb
♂ Member
Member # 28542
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

itsgoingtobeok

I am sorry man. It doesn't look good.

Can you save this for a MC appointment ? I really think you are going to have to bring this out into the open.

So sorry man. If she did go to OMs shop what are you going to do ?


Me-35 her-35

DS 1, DD 6
Dday 8/31/11. ONS that occurred 3 years earlier. Lied to for 3 years.

Every truth comes to light in a long enough timeline.


Posts: 2457 | Registered: May 2010
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

itsgoingtobeok,

Sorry you're going through this crap brother.

Since you asked what I would do, I'll respond as such. First, lawyer. Get my ducks in a row and have the paperwork completed. Not filed just yet, but ready to go. Second, 180 HARD. She know what she did, maybe she'll come to you and admit without you having to reveal a source. Third, as you said, contact the other BS. Maybe your WW just stopped by the shop to reminisce without meeting POSER. Fourth, stop MC. What's the point, can't have a marriage w/o transparency and honesty. Fifth, keep posting. We're here!!

Dammit, I'm sorry!


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2086 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 1:28 PM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

itsgoing,

Kind of echoing one thing 5454 said - it might be worth waiting to see if she comes clean on her own. I really doubt it, but it would let you know if she intends being honest with you, or only being honest with when caught.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3306 | Registered: Dec 2011
Razor
♂ Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 5:11 PM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Could you say that a friend saw her car at the OMs shop?


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.


Posts: 3088 | Registered: Sep 2007
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 8:37 PM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Off topic - any lurkers or non lurkers drop down to Fun and Games and watch the chess game between JJCT (legend) and SerJR (legend). Here's the link:

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=512425

ETA: Like watching grass grow this time of year...night all.

[This message edited by Tred at 9:01 PM, October 31st (Thursday)]


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3306 | Registered: Dec 2011
Distraut
♂ Member
Member # 38655
Default  Posted: 10:05 PM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey All
I just made it here from D/S section.I just put most of my story on my profile finally.This looks like the place I belong now.Im 6 months divorced have custody of my two children.My XWW was unremorseful and didnt want to try to save M.Im trying to work on me at this point.Taking care of my kids as best I can.Have a good family support group.And also I like Beer which seems to be a common interest here.Im a Samual Adams drinker but like any dark beer.
Well this ends my long Hello.


Me47 BS
Her WW40
DD13
DS11
D Day 02/16/13
Married 15 years
divorced 04/02/2013
Moving on!

I asked her if she felt any remorse she said "I cry in the shower"


Posts: 120 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: midwest
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 10:22 PM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Distraut,

Welcome to the brotherhood. Glad you got the kids. That rocks. You're gonna fit in well.


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2086 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 10:31 PM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Distraut - Welcome! My WW also went haywire at 40. Looking forward to reading your posts.

Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 10:33 PM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

40 does seem to be a common factor for a lot of WW's. Mine was 3 months short.


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2086 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
flup
♂ Member
Member # 21259
Default  Posted: 10:36 PM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yup... 39, then again at 45. Someone should make a graph.


Me: BS 55
Her: fWW 50

D-Day #1: 12 Aug. 2008. WW's 2nd affair w/college teacher.
D-Day #2: 18 June 2009. Affair #1 with neighbor was fall of 2002 - while I was coping with the fallout from 9/11.
Still trying to R.
22 years married


Posts: 426 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Ohio
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 11:00 PM, October 31st (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Throw into the mix that her mother died unexpectedly a few weeks after she turned 40. According to WW that's what sent her over the edge.

Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
doubleboggy
♂ Member
Member # 40622
Default  Posted: 7:34 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Guess I'm backwards, my wife started getting it together between 35 and 40.


I have became what I have beheld and am content that I have done right. - Elliot Ness

Posts: 84 | Registered: Sep 2013
Distraut
♂ Member
Member # 38655
Default  Posted: 8:21 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Definately something about hitting 40 for women ive heard countless stories.
My XWW was never a nurturing mother I mean she took care of them as babies and toddlers but as soon as they were old enough to dump on the grandmothers she did so.and I must say I deserve some blame for that cause I allowed it to happen.
She confessed to me last winter when we were in the middle of the shit storm she doesnt like kids.People at work have heard her say it too.
One thing this whole ordeal has made me aware of my gut instinct.One of those moments was her family describing her babysitting her nieces and nefew when they were small and how she was pretty mean to them.I had a gut feeling which I ignored but never forgot.Another one was when we took my son to martial arts class the first time i remember asking is this guy married.And he was at the time but fast forward two years and he's divorced for the second time.She seduced and attached herself to him im told it was all her.And I believe that now.It was hard to do at first but I do now.
Thing is he was cheated on by his last X.Maybe he is just a POS.But something else ive taken from this is I dont want to bang anyones wife,girlfriend or steal anything from anyone.
Alright enough for now. Its Friday and 8 hours and 10 minutes from now ill be popping the top on an ice cold Boston Lager! Cant wait.
Thanks for the warm welcomes.


Me47 BS
Her WW40
DD13
DS11
D Day 02/16/13
Married 15 years
divorced 04/02/2013
Moving on!

I asked her if she felt any remorse she said "I cry in the shower"


Posts: 120 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: midwest
DefeatedDad
♂ Member
Member # 41026
Default  Posted: 8:28 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

40 was the magic number for my wife too. She had the mother of all MLCs. Took filing for divorce to wake her up. I was luckier than most BSs in that it worked. I guess.....


Me - BS 46
Wife - WS 44
Son 13, Daughter 17
Married 22 years
D-day May 16, 2012
TT D-Day 2 9/25/17
TT D-Day 3 1/02/14

Divorcing her sorry a--.


Posts: 217 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: New Mexico
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 9:12 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine was 37, still unremorseful and going strong at a bit shy of 39.

ETA: I guess technically she was 30 since that's when the EA started. But Dday was 37 so ya.

[This message edited by RyeBread at 9:14 AM, November 1st (Friday)]


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 957 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My wife started spreading her legs for OM 5 months after her 40th birthday and the huge party I threw for her. Stereotypical MLC meltdown. Welcome Distraut, I noticed your D Day was one day before mine. The last 8.5 months have been a blur, can't imagine going through a divorce in those early days when you're still trying to process what's happening.

Glad you found us, brother.


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1035 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome Distraut. It's not always about the beer in here, we just use levity to get our minds off the deep hurt we are feeling at times. We can only spend so much time in the Suck.

My wife was a late bloomer I guess, she was 46 when she signed up for Ashley Madison. But she quickly made up for lost time.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3306 | Registered: Dec 2011
PowerGlo
♂ Member
Member # 34132
Default  Posted: 10:07 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome Distraut - I guess mine was a late bloomer too Tred, 45 when she went looking for "friends" on Adult Friend Finder. 3 months after our 25th Wedding Anniversary which we celebrated in grand style with all the trimmings - Renewed our vows, special Anniversary ring (5 fucking grand), reception (4 fucking grand), honeymoon trip (3 fucking grand) and oh yeah tummy tuck and boob job, (11 fucking grand). Love is special isn't it? 2 years later the path of destruction is wide and long. Ruined a great family she did. Never will own up to it though. Divorce can't come soon enough. Good news, got a court date December 6th for mediation. 7 hours to Miller Time....


Married 27 years...
DDay #1 11/11/11 - AFF profile with 10-15 boy toys.
DDay #2 1/13/2012 - still at it with the AFF boys.
1/17/2014 - Divorced
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life


Posts: 133 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: NW Indiana
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That sucks PG. My wife started screwing her AP right before our 16th anniversary, same month. Hell, maybe the same week or day for all I know. She actually slept with her lover on our daughter's birthday, which happens to also be Valentine's Day. Nothing is sacred to them during an affair, that's for sure. Lover Boy comes first.

And she has hinted for years that she wants a tummy tuck. For whose benefit? Probably not mine. I just get to pay for it.


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1035 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
Distraut
♂ Member
Member # 38655
Default  Posted: 10:57 AM, November 1st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sal1995 I rushed through the process to protect myself and my children.I was unsure of myself but had very good advisers.The reason for my uncertainty was i know my XWW is mentally ill and I vowed sickness and in health.the day after DDay she said "you wont D me you dont believe in it".I said "I dont but im going to cause I cant fix a M with 3 people in it."
I find it so shitty that they are addicted to their Affair partner my XWW's whole family has addictive personality.
I envy you guys who know the affair was a deal breaker.I am growing more that way daily.I was very codependent I now realize.
But I think deep down if the switch that flipped in her would flip back I would try to R.Even though I dont know if I could do it she is repulsive to me as of late.
I was dating over the summer and the girl was affraid my XWW would try to R.Before that I would have said Hell NO!.Then I thought about it and it scared me cause Ive talked to a few guys who moved on and found someone new then their WW tried to come back.I honestly dont know what I would do.


Me47 BS
Her WW40
DD13
DS11
D Day 02/16/13
Married 15 years
divorced 04/02/2013
Moving on!

I asked her if she felt any remorse she said "I cry in the shower"


Posts: 120 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: midwest
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