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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men - Part 15
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mike7,

My thoughts and prayers are with you my brother. May you return home safely. Thanks for all you do.

On a more personal note...today is exactly one year from Dday. November 4th 2012 I had the carpet pulled out from under me. Thanks bitch.


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 957 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
DefeatedDad
♂ Member
Member # 41026
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I got blind stinking drunk on my one year anniversary.

I never get drunk on weekdays. WW came home and found me passed out on the couch and thought I'd lost my mind. I made her rack her brain to figure out what the anniversary was for. When she finally figured it out she flipped out, cried and got mad at me for reminding her.


Me - BS 46
Wife - WS 44
Son 13, Daughter 17
Married 22 years
D-day May 16, 2012
TT D-Day 2 9/25/17
TT D-Day 3 1/02/14

Divorcing her sorry a--.


Posts: 217 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: New Mexico
PowerGlo
♂ Member
Member # 34132
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Rye Bread - My thoughts and prayers are with you today. Stay strong and keep your head held high.


Married 27 years...
DDay #1 11/11/11 - AFF profile with 10-15 boy toys.
DDay #2 1/13/2012 - still at it with the AFF boys.
1/17/2014 - Divorced
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life


Posts: 133 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: NW Indiana
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good to hear from you Mike. Stay safe.

Rye, Mojo brother.


BH 50, WW 41
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 19(Hers),DS 8 Ours, DGS 2 1/2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2068 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
DefiledRage
♂ Member
Member # 39292
Default  Posted: 10:24 AM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After 8 months finally got my timeline this morning. One massive anxiety attack down, I'm sure a few more to go as I sift through 9 pages of gut wrenching shit. Shaking so bad I can barely type this. Going to be a long week. Is Monday t0o early in the week to get completely hammered?

***eta Monday at 9:00 AM?

[This message edited by DefiledRage at 10:25 AM, November 4th (Monday)]


Me:35 WW:34 M:13yrs
3 young children
Dday 1 EA 7/8/2010
Dday 2 PA 3/1/2013 same OMM for 4yrs

Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."


Posts: 426 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Two blocks from south shit and west hell
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 10:28 AM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Damn gents...sounds like a rough day today.

Rye, sending strong thoughts your way. My DDay is coming up Saturday. Yay.

Defiled, I remember that day, finally getting the timeline. I'm pretty sure I drank heavily. Peace mate. Stay tough.


Married: 16 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3303 | Registered: Dec 2011
DefeatedDad
♂ Member
Member # 41026
Default  Posted: 10:42 AM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DefiledRage stay strong man.

Let the pain in and just process it. It's hard swallowing all that sh!t you didn't want to know, but knowledge is power. Once no doubts are left you can begin to heal and move on.

Make sure you write down any lingering questions you might have and sit down with WW and go over everything.

A fifth of Maker's Mark goes down well with the timeline.


Me - BS 46
Wife - WS 44
Son 13, Daughter 17
Married 22 years
D-day May 16, 2012
TT D-Day 2 9/25/17
TT D-Day 3 1/02/14

Divorcing her sorry a--.


Posts: 217 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: New Mexico
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DR - 9:00AM is too early, but I am not one to judge. The timeline is a rough thing. My only advice to you would be to treat it as a living document. There may be gaps in it here and there... work through those gaps with your wife and pencil them in.

The timeline was very helpful to my healing. A lot of questions that would have been repeated over and over again weren't repeated, because I had it documented in front of me. That's just kind of how my brain works, though.

Sending thoughts to RyeBread, and also to Mike7.

Hope you guys are hanging in there.

I've been a bit absent recently, taking care of some family business out of state.

Take care.


Posts: 4549 | Registered: Dec 2010
Mr. Kite
♂ Member
Member # 28840
Default  Posted: 11:08 AM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Timeline? What's a timeline?

Mike - Stay safe.

To all the menz here who are suffering...


Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Mid-Atlantic
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 12:01 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the support my fellow menz.

All in all I am doing pretty well. Strangely I see a lot of silver linings as a result of the A. A lot has changed for the better for me as a person over this past year. Only thing left is to cut the dead weight and pull myself up the rest of the way out of the pit.

Appreciate you guys being here to help push me along.


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 957 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
DefeatedDad
♂ Member
Member # 41026
Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Rye,

By "dead weight" do you mean your wife?


Me - BS 46
Wife - WS 44
Son 13, Daughter 17
Married 22 years
D-day May 16, 2012
TT D-Day 2 9/25/17
TT D-Day 3 1/02/14

Divorcing her sorry a--.


Posts: 217 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: New Mexico
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

By "dead weight" do you mean your wife?

We have a bingo!

Yes DD, she is unable to cope with being a responsible, self-reliant, mature, respectful, and remorseful person. She doesn't want to make the changes needed so I am not going down with that ship.


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 957 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
DefeatedDad
♂ Member
Member # 41026
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry to hear that Rye.

But you sound like you are in a good place emotionally. Maybe filing for D and having her served will be the attitude adjustment she needs.

That's what it took for my WW to get her head out of her ass: a tangible document there in her dick-stroking hands showing her what she was getting ready to lose. Up to that point D was just a vague concept.


Me - BS 46
Wife - WS 44
Son 13, Daughter 17
Married 22 years
D-day May 16, 2012
TT D-Day 2 9/25/17
TT D-Day 3 1/02/14

Divorcing her sorry a--.


Posts: 217 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: New Mexico
Maximus Decimus
♂ New Member
Member # 33564
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There must be a disturbance in the force. I woke up thinking about her with him, how I would have handled it differently if I'd known, how my life would be different if I'd known. Makes me want to yell at her, tell her what I think about her and what she did, but I don't do that anymore (much). Doesn't get me anywhere.

Strength and honor to those struggling today.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rNdKBPcVGJI&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DrNdKBPcVGJI

[This message edited by Maximus Decimus at 12:26 PM, November 4th (Monday)]


Strength and Honor

Posts: 34 | Registered: Oct 2011
MoreWould
♂ Member
Member # 37982
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DR

I'm one of the guys that never got a timeline, had to create his own, pulling one scrap at a time out of the TT machine. But, ICR getting it in black and white on 9 pages. Damn brother, I'm hurting for you.

BTW, we used to have a firm rule when sailing that we never consumed alcohol before noon "somewhere in the ocean". I figure the same rule applies to DDay, TLday and a bunch of other A-related events.

Knock yourself out, just stay away from vehicles, machinery, sharp objects, and high voltage electricity.

I don't where in the world you are, but here in Colorado pot is legal, and in my personal experience, a far superior medicine for anxiety than booze. No contest actually.


Me BH/WH, 63
Her WW/BW, 62
Her DDay Dec 1976 OMW at the door
My DDay, ~ 2years later, confessed ONS the next day
R via "Sweeping under the rug"
Still married, 40 yrs, mostly OK
2 kids, 24 & 20

Posts: 347 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Colorado
DefeatedDad
♂ Member
Member # 41026
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't where in the world you are, but here in Colorado pot is legal, and in my personal experience, a far superior medicine for anxiety than booze. No contest actually.

I'm just to the south of you in NM. I wish they would do the same here. Smoking a bowl is a hellava lot less risky than getting drunk.


Me - BS 46
Wife - WS 44
Son 13, Daughter 17
Married 22 years
D-day May 16, 2012
TT D-Day 2 9/25/17
TT D-Day 3 1/02/14

Divorcing her sorry a--.


Posts: 217 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: New Mexico
MoreWould
♂ Member
Member # 37982
Default  Posted: 12:36 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MD,

I've been struggling with flashbacks and mind movies (day and night) but yesterday I had a stunning X-Rated dream starring my W right before I woke up. When I woke I discovered that she was up for a replay in real life.

This is my second ride on the roller coaster, a little "deja vu all over again" from the first time, but I must be getting close to the finish line. God I hope so. Strength and honor to all who toil in the fields of A. It will get better, YOU will survive. May God bless us all.

[This message edited by MoreWould at 12:56 PM, November 4th (Monday)]


Me BH/WH, 63
Her WW/BW, 62
Her DDay Dec 1976 OMW at the door
My DDay, ~ 2years later, confessed ONS the next day
R via "Sweeping under the rug"
Still married, 40 yrs, mostly OK
2 kids, 24 & 20

Posts: 347 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Colorado
DefiledRage
♂ Member
Member # 39292
Default  Posted: 1:29 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the support fellas! This shit sucks. Anybody that would do this to someone that loves them doesn't have much of a soul.

One of the great things about my work is that it gives me the opportunity to stay home sometimes and play Mr. Mom with the kids. Today just happens to be one of those days. They are helping to keep me grounded. Plus filling the day with running around with them for various things keeps the mind from ruminating to much.

Tonight though all bets are off.

Now let me provide a brief synopsis on the reading I just finished....

FUCK!!!!!!

Yep that sums it up pretty well.


Me:35 WW:34 M:13yrs
3 young children
Dday 1 EA 7/8/2010
Dday 2 PA 3/1/2013 same OMM for 4yrs

Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."


Posts: 426 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Two blocks from south shit and west hell
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She doesn't want to make the changes needed so I am not going down with that ship.
When they are unremoresful and can't figure out how to own there shit, saving yourself by cutting them loose is a valid and needed option. When you are ready to make that move, don't look back. I didn't and the view is much better moving forward no matter what kind of screams or please for help I hear behind me. Even helping the kids through the transition is better without STBX around. Best of luck RyeBread! The D route isn't easy either but it's a finite path and it DOES lead out of the shitstorm.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
STBXWW = Her
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Separated 6/2013, D official around 6/2014

Posts: 1574 | Registered: May 2011
DefeatedDad
♂ Member
Member # 41026
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, November 4th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One thing that is adding to my anxiety is I have a WW who IS resmorseful and who IS owning her shit...

But I'm feeling the marriage die a slow death. After what I just found out three weeks ago I just don't think I have the stomach to keep this R going.

My WW, at her core, is a damn good woman and a fantastic mother who made a seriously stupid, fvcked up choice to cheat when she really didn't have to. I was more than willing to step up and give her what she needed sexually, but she was to embarrassed and ashamed to ask.

So now our marriage pays the price for her stupid hang-ups. And in the end, if I do decide D is the only choice for my own emotional and mental health, I will come out of it looking like the bad guy. According to our in-laws and church family, Christian husbands are supposed to forgive their WWs and eat the sh!t sandwich given to them without complaint. Well I refuse. I have the right to spit that SOB out if I want, and I have made everyone who knows about my WW's affair aware of it.

[This message edited by DefeatedDad at 3:05 PM, November 4th (Monday)]


Me - BS 46
Wife - WS 44
Son 13, Daughter 17
Married 22 years
D-day May 16, 2012
TT D-Day 2 9/25/17
TT D-Day 3 1/02/14

Divorcing her sorry a--.


Posts: 217 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: New Mexico
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