I just read through this entire thread, and I have to say I see danger here. I am three+ years out from D-Day and FWH and I are in a cordial but sad relationship. He is remorseful and doing nice things most of the time, but it has taken too long to get here and needless additional damage has been done. For about a year he just resisted being accountable in every way he could think of as long as I was "cool" and tried to be adult about it. The sad thing is, he wasn't doing anything he could not have told me about, but his "work world" was his and he could not give up the rush of all of the meetings, etc. that I was not invited to. This team building BS has to stop now.
I don't know if you have small kids at home. I don't, and the last time my FWH came home from one of these "sorry I'm late it could not be helped" late nights he found an empty house.
He was damned scared by the time I returned and I felt like a person again for sticking up for myself with no words at all.