Here is what my IC said to me when I ran this by her.
1. What is the worst thing that can happen?
Me: The worst? Well...my Dad would jump up, grab him by the collar and want to hit him
2. What is the second worst thing that can happen?
Me: That they do not want him in their house again.
3. How have they handled past crisis?
Me: With grace and forgiveness. My dad is exceptionally calm in the eye of the storm. My mom is talkative but thoughtful with her words.
We told my parents and they responded as per #3.
I thought those were good questions my IC asked me. #3, helped me see that I was thinking emotionally and not based on past experience.
It's up to you who you tell and why. If your intent is to show his mom that her son, WS, is not Mr. Wonderful then I think that is the wrong reason to tell someone.
If you are looking for support and relief, then I think telling them is best. Shining the light takes the power of the secret away.
If my mom were still alive I would probably have told her. My dad is getting older and just thinks the world of me and WH and our marriage and family, I can't break his heart...unless I decide to D of course, then I have no choice.
I certainly wouldn't have told his parents if they were alive, that would have been his decision.
They are in R and I am happy for them.
[This message edited by LA44 at 8:35 PM, October 11th (Friday)]
Basically, it was my fault he strayed and would be my fault if he strayed again.
By the time I had the DDay that started the final chapter of my marriage my dad had died (the last thing he'd been working on in the hours before he died was a financial worksheet to see how I could manage to leave my husband and make it with three young children). Had he been alive when this all went down I seriously doubt if I'd be having to bother with a divorce, I'd probably be sitting pretty with widow benefits. As it turned out, though, I told my elderly mom & she broke down & sobbed, apologizing that she & Dad hadn't supported me in leaving earlier.
I didn't tell my family because they would never be able to look at him again without thinking about the terrible things he'd done (16 different hookers EA&ONS with coworker).
I'm glad I didn't tell them. My father passed away in May and I like to think he passed without having to worry about me.
One should rather die than be betrayed. There is no deceit in death. It delivers precisely what it has promised. Betrayal, though ... betrayal is the willful slaughter of hope. ~Steven Deitz