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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: love vs Appreciation
broken81
♀ Member
Member # 36774
Default  Posted: 4:09 PM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been stuck on this feeling of WH must love me more now than before.
Its like i can feel and see his love, not just know that he loves me.
I kept asking him if he loves me more now. Everytime he says he always loved me and its the same.
I had this moment yesterday where it came to me that maybe i'm mistaking his appreciation as loving me more.
Anyone else had this feeling of they must love me more?


Me BS
him fWS
M 8yrs 2 kids
DD 2/12 lies until 4/12
2.5 yr A with an OLD married whore
working on R

Posts: 233 | Registered: Sep 2012
ladies_first
♀ Member
Member # 24643
Default  Posted: 4:24 PM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Would you be willing to give an example?

Perhaps during the A he was emotionally detached and now that his energy is refocused on you he is more emotionally present?


"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

Posts: 2143 | Registered: Jun 2009
broken81
♀ Member
Member # 36774
Default  Posted: 4:34 PM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He is definitly more caring and affectionate than during his A and before.
I had always felt that he didnt appreciate what i did, and just felt like i'd always be around.
i just keep focusing on he must love me more now if he shows it more. Its nice but also sad to think he might have loved me less.


Me BS
him fWS
M 8yrs 2 kids
DD 2/12 lies until 4/12
2.5 yr A with an OLD married whore
working on R

Posts: 233 | Registered: Sep 2012
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 10:19 PM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is it that now he expresses his appreciation and before the A he didn't?


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10345 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
iwillNOT
♀ Member
Member # 40605
Default  Posted: 11:04 PM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe just knows he needs to express it more, now? Since There's been a crisis?


Me: BS, 43
Him: WH, 44
Together 21 years
Married 14 years
Kiddos 2,6,8,10
Dday#1 2004, 3 years after EA/PA co-worker MOW
Dday#2 8-6-13, 13 months EA/9months PA with co-worker MOW - caught not confessed
Rugsweep now, pay later. Ask me how I know.

Posts: 512 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Midwest
TheAmazingWondertwin
♀ Member
Member # 40769
Default  Posted: 7:19 AM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can it be love AND appreciation rather than vs.?
He has always loved you but due to this situation realizes he never truly appreciated you? Or never truly showed you?
My WH says he feels more connected to me with our honesty lately and that because of that, he is more able to express himself. And he knows what he almost lost so he is making sure I know that he is where he wants to be.


Everyday is a new day, some good, some bad.
Me- BS 39
Him- FWS
14 years- 2 middle school children
DDay- 07-24-2013
NC broken from August 6- 24, 2013
Avalanche of Truth on November 14, 2013
Length of A: June 10th to Dday- with broken NC

Posts: 474 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: East Coast
shatteredheart7
♀ Member
Member # 39734
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with wondertwin. FWH and I have talked about this at length. He always loved me, he thought he appreciated me. However, he now knows that he really didn't appreciate me before. Losing me and the thought of possibly losing me again have made him realize that he has to show me every day how much he loves AND appreciates me.


Me~40
FWH~46
Married 8yrs
Together 11 1/2
Me~ 3 kids, 21,17,14
Him~no kids
A with a mutual "friend" for 2+yrs
He confessed 9/9/12
A was over 2/12
7/13~ Happier than we have been in yrs!

Posts: 240 | Registered: Jul 2013
broken81
♀ Member
Member # 36774
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First thank you everyone for the replies.

He does appreciate me alot more now. He use to expect alot more from me and now is more reasnable in his expectations. (ie: housework)

I do think that he is showing his feelings more, both for my sake and his own. He says it feels good to be more open and expressing his feelings. this is a change, he formerly had a job that he had to be able to shut off his feelings for work. So it didnt turn right back on once he got home.

I guess for myself i just am not use to him appreciating me and still question how much he can love me. It must have to do with feeling like he was giving me what he was capable of but now i see he could have given me more all along.


Me BS
him fWS
M 8yrs 2 kids
DD 2/12 lies until 4/12
2.5 yr A with an OLD married whore
working on R

Posts: 233 | Registered: Sep 2012
Topic Posts: 8

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