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Newest Member: 4hazel (45322)

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User Topic: what if he says he likes sex? (tmi)
torn2bits
♀ Member
Member # 28376
Default  Posted: 7:56 PM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, what if you meet this person, he says he likes sex, he does look at porn AND he likes to still have sex in cars? He also asked me if like to watch porn.....I don't.

Does this mean he's a SA or
are there 40+ people out there that still have sex in cars?

Can you let me know? What your experience is? I am a little suspicious of this person.


Me: 44/WH (SA): 49
M: 24 years 3 kids over 10 yrs old
EA/ PA Dec. 2009 -Divorce pending

Posts: 1240 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Midwest
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 8:07 PM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't see him again. I mean it. He's used to hooker sex.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9815 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
StrongerOne
♀ Member
Member # 36915
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am a 50+ person who likes to have sex in a car every now and then. As long as its not one of those smart cars

I am not a sex addict or a perv. I just think sex is fun and that it's fun to have sex in crazy locations.

Did he tell you this on the first date? If you've been going out a while, this is a good talk to have. If you hardly know him, then I'd say Next!


DDay Feb 2011.
In R.

Posts: 872 | Registered: Sep 2012
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If this was a FIRST date.....RUN! That is all.


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Whalers11
♀ Member
Member # 27544
Default  Posted: 9:08 PM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I like sex.
I like to look at porn.
And I'm down for some car sex from time to time.

I am definitely not a sex addict. I probably wouldn't share that information on a first date, but I don't think there is anything wrong with me for liking those things.

I'm in my 30s, by the way.


Me: BGF - 33
Together 11+ years - not married, no children.
D-Day: 2/9/2010
OC Born: 10/9/2010
Status: He chose OW/OC and left immediately.

Posts: 2252 | Registered: Feb 2010
torn2bits
♀ Member
Member # 28376
Default  Posted: 9:47 PM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NG, you know exactly why I am suspicious. Its hard to tell what "normal" is these days and that is why I am asking.

No, he did not being these up on the first date, it was the third date.

I like sex also, but not porn. I also would be fine with car sex every now and then.


Me: 44/WH (SA): 49
M: 24 years 3 kids over 10 yrs old
EA/ PA Dec. 2009 -Divorce pending

Posts: 1240 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Midwest
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 9:53 PM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I know why you're suspicious. I also know why you could easily be hurt in a situation that might not hurt someone else. ((((HUGS))) If I was asking your question, what would you tell me?


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9815 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 10:00 PM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ummm....I'd believe him. Then I'd tell him that you don't see a match. Sex in a car (occasionally) wouldn't bother me, the porn would concern me a whole lot more. If you are suspicious, there is a reason. Trust your gut.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4180 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:11 PM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you are suspicious, there is a reason. Trust your gut

This!


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9815 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
dadof4
♂ Member
Member # 25534
Default  Posted: 10:24 PM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Torn,

You just described my FWW's OM.
Run don't walk, fucking run from this guy. He hasn't matured past 17.


Me 52(BH)
Her 46 (FWW)
Kids-24,22,18,15
Married 25 years.
D-Day Sept 12 2009
LTA=4 years

Reconciling.


Posts: 308 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: New Hampshire
torn2bits
♀ Member
Member # 28376
Default  Posted: 10:34 PM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh my gosh, you guys are great! He is divorced at no kids at 48.

Dado, I think that recently I have met 5 men in their late 40's with no kids and some divorced and the other never married, and each one of them into sex in cars and they asked if I like to watch porn. A generational thing?

I am just baffled.


Me: 44/WH (SA): 49
M: 24 years 3 kids over 10 yrs old
EA/ PA Dec. 2009 -Divorce pending

Posts: 1240 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Midwest
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:41 PM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What's the common denominator with those five men? It's you, right?


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9815 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
dadof4
♂ Member
Member # 25534
Default  Posted: 10:57 PM, October 12th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's not generational but it is a big red flag. Full disclosure, FWW's sexual. Encounters with OM were in a car so I puke in my mouth at the thought. Where are you meeting these guys.?You need to aim higher.


Me 52(BH)
Her 46 (FWW)
Kids-24,22,18,15
Married 25 years.
D-Day Sept 12 2009
LTA=4 years

Reconciling.


Posts: 308 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: New Hampshire
torn2bits
♀ Member
Member # 28376
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have met them in various places, at a party, on Match, on meetup.com, at a fundraiser.

They all have good careers, own their homes, etc. I find these things out once we start talking for days or have been on a few dates. Weird.


Me: 44/WH (SA): 49
M: 24 years 3 kids over 10 yrs old
EA/ PA Dec. 2009 -Divorce pending

Posts: 1240 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Midwest
Griefstricken25
♀ Member
Member # 29183
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Based on my experience with WXH, those are massive red flags and I'd run the other way. Maybe he's a SA, maybe not, but I wouldn't take the chance.


Me!
3 amazing kidlets
To WXH "Now you're just somebody that I used to know." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9NF2edxy-M
D-day and separation - June, 2009
Divorced - December, 2011

Posts: 2524 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: A better place
damncutekitty
♀ Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 9:39 AM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's not you. It's a think with men that age, especially the divorced ones.

I'm not saying all divorced men over 40 like porn and sex in cars. What I AM saying is that after a certain age, men get a whole lot less interested in making concessions to be in a relationship. Especially if they were married before. I guarantee you that all 5 of those men you met were in marriages or LTRs where they felt they did not get enough sex. So now they are leading with the sex card because they want to weed out the "prudes".

It's a ham handed approach, a best. But it's become scarily common these days- even without OLD.


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49482 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
LeopoldB
♂ Member
Member # 40606
Default  Posted: 11:52 AM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would not make it a deal breaker. It is one more data point to consider when you are assessing any potential relationship. It would not be surprising for a person (either gender) to want to re-live some exciting experiences of their youth.

I have not had sex in a car for 30 years and I have no such interest. I have however, suggested some other "kinky" activities to women after a reasonable number of dates which were well received. Post 45 years old, I have developed an appreciation for sex toys, vibrators, nipple clamps, restraints, etc. Some of that was "learned" from porn. My suggestion that we put a very private outdoor shower at a beach house to good use went over quite well. I am no more kinky now than I was earlier in my life, but I am definitely more comfortable with sharing such thoughts and less concerned about being judged harshly for having them.


Posts: 212 | Registered: Sep 2013
clralb
♀ Member
Member # 17185
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Third date? Weird. Don't think it's normal. Next them.


"To keep the body in good health is a duty... otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear."
Buddha

Posts: 681 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: southeast
AnnieOakley
♀ Member
Member # 13332
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I like sex. A lot. Sex in cars...no big deal. Although I can honestly say I have never done it. Even as a teenager. Public bathrooms, the beach, hiking, balconies, etc. can be fun. Again, no big deal.

But...porn I find ridiculous. IMHO it sets unrealistic expectations for both parties. Most is so male driven. I don't look like a porn star, neither does my partner. I am not going to climax in 3 minutes and his penis is not 10 inches.

If he uses porn on a regular (honestly, even semi-regular/ever) basis I would have a HUGE problem with it. I am a live, sexual, breathing woman willing to do and initiate a lot of things and you would rather watch ACTORS...acting.

I would not immediately label him as a SA. I agree with the other comments that as we age, hopefully we become more comfortable with ourselves and are more upfront about what we like. Maybe he has experienced other dates that he waited to long to express these things, got involved emotionally...and then they were deal breakers for a woman.

You don't like porn. Period, end of story. Don't compromise yourself.

[This message edited by AnnieOakley at 1:43 PM, October 13th (Sunday)]


Me= BS, 45
Him=WH, 46
M=18+,T=21+
dday=7/06, 8/09 (pics at a recent work function), 11/09 VAR, 6/12 Sep'd, 10/14 Divorced.
"If you are going through hell, keep going." - Sir Winston Churchill

Posts: 1262 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: West
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 3:18 PM, October 13th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its not just guys. I don't think watching porn or sex in cars makes you a deviant.

But if any of these are dealbreakers or give you a negative feeling then that is absolutely AOK.

FWIW, the sad clown resolutely refused to have sex in cars with me. He did watch porn every now and then. He was the least sexual man I've ever met so the watching seemed perfunctory rather than arousing.

I was more alarmed by WHAT he was watching than the fact that he was watching IYKWIM?


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5608 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
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