From just about the minute that XH hooked up w/main OW, I kept having this befuddling recurring dream. After DD, I figured out what it meant and never had it again. Details aren't important, suffice it to say, it was a thinly veiled allegory relating to XH & M.
Had this gem 2 days ago.
Go to a party w/friends & my mother (oddly enough). Walking thru the room and see XH, who calls out to me, having seen me before I saw him. He wants to talk to me, but I don't want to talk to him.
He is incredibly drunk, possibly on drugs and sitting on OW's lap. She tries to say something to me and I tell her that she is totally inconsequential and is really lucky I haven't kicked her ass. To XH I say 'wow, you are really fucked up, aren't ya?'.
On waking, that really resonates w/me. I still struggle w/believing that XH is damaged in an irreparable way. Intellectually, yes, but emotionally, I keep having this idea that I'm wrong.
The whole thing was just so damn strange, and also is forcing me to just accept reality and move the fuck away from toxic XH.
Didn't mention this to anyone in RL, but know that y'all going thru it totally understand.