I am in year 2, rounding the corner toward year 3.
I can so relate to what you posted
For me, after year 2 which was difficult, as others mentioned, I found myself needing to address the crazies.
But I still allowed myself to go to crazy places.
I could set myself back with negative thoughts if I allowed my crazy brain to drive me.
I could be in a puddle on the floor, full of doubt, making big out of small and creating a chaotic mess for myself.
It had become almost normal for me. But it was far from healthy and certainly not a normal I wanted to live in.
^^This. This was me at the beginning of year 2 and sometimes even now. My WH would say that he thought I fought just because I wanted to be fighting. And you know, after awhile, I had to kinda agree. The fighting with each other, for each other...it all becomes second nature and you can really get STUCK there.
And I have started this....
I have learned how to let go and accept.
I realized this part was about me, he couldn’t get here for me and it was unfair to continuously be holding him accountable for things he had no control over.
I had to learn that I was enough, that I was good and worth him giving his all to me.
I had to remove things that were not A related from my pain,
I had to reverse that and only address A issues as A issues, not letting my life be the A issue…KWIM?
So I started to let go. I let go of the voice that would spin webs in my head. I ignored little nagging negative things that were really nothing.
And now I am focusing on this...
I replaced them with action, a different kind of action since dday. I did positive things for my M, with my spouse, because I wanted to, not because I was escaping a trigger or trying to right a wrong. We began to live married again. I removed the A from my motives to do.
I was in my M because I wanted to be. I wasn’t in survival mode; I wasn’t fighting for my life.
I had to realize it was time to stop fighting and let things be.
Thank you again, Karmahappens. You have put into words what I am living right now. I am eternally grateful!! Me BS 42 Him WS 44
OW Coworker DDay April 7, 2012
EA on a slippery slope...
When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl
"When you are happy, you can forgive a great deal."