I need to accept that my FWH believes he loved me during his affair....
I need to validate my FWH's feelings. Just as he needs to validate mine.
Yes, it is important to validate each others feelings but validation doesn't mean agreeing or approving.
Validation is a way of communicating that the relationship is important and solid even when you disagree on issues.
We should validate the genuine feelings of another. The problem is, we are being asked to believe that our once manipulative, lying WH is now telling the truth about his feelings. If you can't believe that what they are saying is "the truth" it is very difficult to validate their feelings.
Agreeing with WH feelings of love, whether genuine or not, is a seperate issue.
We know that we must pay attention to our WS actions not words...
ME: 54 BS
My WH actions during his A did not show me that he loved me.
My WH actions after the A positively proves to me that he loves me.
For me that is what matters now.
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
in R 3.5 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.
The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.