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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Is it too early to make a decision?
hurtbyaffair1
♂ New Member
Member # 25092
Default  Posted: 6:23 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Things went relatively well last night and has now appeared to do a 180 shift. Wondering if it is more smoke at the moment but the situation is crystal clear to her on what it will take to avoid D and commit to trying to head in a positive direction.

Close watch and eyes wide open - actions, not words.


Posts: 41 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: Connecticut, USA
somer222
♀ Member
Member # 21377
Default  Posted: 6:24 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry that you are in this situation and wish you the very best.

I am one who ended my marriage very soon after discovery day. I was dealing with a man I discovered to be a habitual cheater.

It wasn't easy, but I am five and a half years out and can say with certainty I did the right thing - by me.

Be true to yourself and best wishes!


Posts: 1341 | Registered: Oct 2008
Thefly559
♂ Member
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 7:47 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Brother. You have gotten the best advice ever on here from all. Better than some ic could ever give because we have all been there and some still are like me! My stbxww had no remorse at all not for one second but I woke up and did the no contact and we are divorcing as she is still with the other piece of shit. But It took a line for me to man up . I drew a line and said this ( infidelity) is one thing I will not accept ever from anyone in a marraige . Kids or not. My kids have to respect me at least , it's obvious she does not. I wrote in and posted and listened to all the advice on here why? Because we are all experts ! All of us and now you are. What would you tell your child to do if they were going through this? I know it is hard. I slip often but never to her. F--k her she does not deserve my weakness. I stay in anger and use it to protect myself. And sure I learned a lot by trial and error as you will . But I can guarantee you that if you file and no contact you will feel better and be able to look in that mirror proud ! You cannot control her but you can control you! I am just speaking from experience . I hope things work out and I wish you the best. Stay strong and take comfort in knowing you are not alone.


"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 603 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 8:00 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

you being placed in this land of limbo is horrible.

You either stop this immediately, and sign up for IC, send NC note, and become completely transparent, or I am filing today. Then be prepared to do it.

I did what you did,understood, cajoled, waited around and so on. Doing that only caused me pain.
I have said on many occasions if I had it to do all over again I would have just handed her divorce papers and walked out.

You will NEVER be able to "nice" her back into loving you. It's just not possible. I have been on here for 18 months and I have never seen it happen.

nothing she is doing is short of abuse.

I tried to nice my WW back into the M. Nothing changed in 18 months, except that I finally got tired of being played, and I was sure and certain that she wasn't coming back. That's eighteen months of my life I'll never get back.

For me, it was 21 months of Hell--now that I look back at it. First, it was the paralyzing fear that kept me inactive.

^^^^^^^
These, Hurtbyaffair, these...

Scorched earth. Immediately. I was you a year ago, and these good people had the same advice. I did not listen for the longest time, and it only got worse and worse.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Wishing you strength and dignity. Don't permit her to deprive you of these any longer.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1571 | Registered: Dec 2012
OK now
♀ Member
Member # 14459
Default  Posted: 8:22 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She is just blatantly disrespecting you and you need to say enough is enough. I would take this one step further; instead of telling her that if she doesn't get her act together you will divorce, [which will force the affair underground together with a false promise to 'reconcile'], I would just say the straw on the camels back is now broken and you want out, so you can find someone else to be happy with.

No interest in reconciling, you want OUT as soon as possible. This should thoroughly alarm your WW since she counts on you being the fall-back option, not a guy with a mind of his own.

As the divorce date draws closer you can then make up your mind as to whether you will go through with it or not. By then you should have won some respect from your wife and be in control of this situation. If she doesn't come round then you have lost her anyway.


Posts: 1689 | Registered: May 2007 | From: NC
Topic Posts: 25
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