Anyhow, we aren't having sex because 1. Waiting for him to take the next round of STD screens and 2. I'm just not emotionally ready for it, but we've been fooling around/intimate. Last night, I triggered hard in the middle of what should have been us enjoying each other again when I just stopped and looked at him. I've always loved everything about my husband, the way he looks/smells/feels, etc. I've always been 100% focused and sexually attracted to him. And seeing him, I just started thinking, how could he share himself with this other woman, this stranger, who just saw him as a quick buck? Why would he want to have dirty cheap sex when he had a woman who has loved him deeply and passionately for years, and loved to have sex with him because she loved him? I'm just so disgusted that he gave everything that was between us to a stranger.
So yeah, even my husband triggers me. Anyone else experienced that or figured out how to get over it?
"We're not broken, just bent. We can learn to love again."
I edit, therefore I am.
My WS is not the warmest person, so when I roll off, the "I'm sorry," doesn't sound very sincere.
It's really bothering me that time is the best healer. If I'm thirsty, I can quickly drink water. If I'm triggering, those feelings might fade into memory after a long time.
T/J - This thread makes me wonder. Is there a gender-related difference here? Is it related to the length of our relationship (40+ years)? Or is it something else?
It's gotten better with time. In the beginning,every time he kissed me, I would trigger to the point of feeling sick. Now he can kiss me and I don't even have a twinge.
Did you tell him how you were feeling? How did he respond?
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
Not all the time...but sometimes.
I guess part or most of my problem is that I have to have feelings for the person I'm with and right now all of those feelings are negative.
I HATE HATE HATE that he allowed another woman to look at him naked, touch his junk and everything else that happened.
Not gender related as I had (have) triggers when I see her naked. I also imagine her riding her AP. They have become less frequent, but I still have them at 13 months since DD.
[This message edited by SecondHelping at 4:40 PM, October 14th (Monday)]
Kissing is tough for both of us....but we had intimacy issues pre-A....not exposed then bur we NOW realize it.
Sex, intimacy and nakedness....appear to be some of the more challenging parts of this.
I am grateful I have more then adequate testosterone levels!!!! Helps me override bad feelings and thoughts....sometimes anyway.
[This message edited by blakesteele at 5:47 PM, October 14th (Monday)]
But I am determined to use stop signs and push those thoughts away
I know that when we are together only one of us is thinking about her and it's not him
I'm reclaiming him as mine
As part of this and his lifelong self loathing we are clearing out his old clothes and all his underwear that she saw has been binned.
He's spending money on new clothes for me too and we have been shopping together a couple of times.
It helps that the clothes he now takes off were never seen by her