Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: kelmac284 (44914)

Off Topic Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: XH's body found
truthsetmefree
♀ Member
Member # 7168
Frustrated  Posted: 10:56 PM, October 14th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just notified today.

Believed to be a drug overdose...found behind a closed store after being dumped there by user "friends" two months ago.

Plethora of emotions...knew this was likely coming but didnt expect it quite like this. Dont know how to process it....dont know how to help my boys who, although they havent had contact with him in 13 years, are having trouble with it.

And how to do this with regards to the man who HAS been here all this time and who HAS been Dad to them....

Uncharted....


Posts: 7682 | Registered: May 2005
ThoughtIKnewYa
♀ Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 10:58 PM, October 14th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((truth)))

How horrific!! I think all you CAN do is be there for your boys.

(((boys)))


Posts: 11665 | Registered: Mar 2008
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 11:00 PM, October 14th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh my word! Uncharted is right. I'm so sorry.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9648 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
click4it
♀ Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 11:02 PM, October 14th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

oh my goodness truth....must be so much shock and mixed emotions to process all at once.

((((((hugs))))))))

sending a ton of strength to you and your boys.


Me: 42
Two boys: 17 and 14
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25536 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 11:04 PM, October 14th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((truth and boys))))) Sending you strength and peace, honey. Take it as it comes.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25292 | Registered: Aug 2011
cantlivewithouth
♀ Member
Member # 11939
Default  Posted: 4:32 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((truth and boys))))) You are in my thoughts and prayers.


Married a truly wonderful and loving man Sept. 19, 2010. Not only survived, but thrived.

My new mantra: Argue Your Limitations.‎


Posts: 40985 | Registered: Sep 2006 | From: Canada by way of Virginia
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 5:14 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((truth))))


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7813 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 5:42 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry. You and your family are in my thoughts.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37569 | Registered: Sep 2007
wifehad5
♂ Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 5:46 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Truth)))


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 37151 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 6:50 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Truth)))

Oh my God

You are in my thoughts and prayers. I'm so sorry


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 197727 | Registered: May 2002
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 7:07 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((truth))))

I am so sorry. That is horrible. Not many really deserve to die and be treated that way.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9642 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
openedupmyeyes
♀ Member
Member # 27871
Concerned  Posted: 7:43 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((Truth)))) no words!


Me:53 BS
Him:53 FWH Trying to make me a believer?
Years married:35
:03-01-10: The day I learned the truth
Kids:Daughters 4 all grown and married.
Reconciliation is hard.
Really freakin' hard.

Posts: 762 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: The Great State of Texas
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 8:05 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Truth)))

Posts: 35132 | Registered: Mar 2011
truthsetmefree
♀ Member
Member # 7168
Default  Posted: 8:27 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I saw it on the news and thought "how sad!" - that police didnt even know who it was.

And then to get the call...

I was the first person they were trying to call. ??? We've been divorced for 15 years!

Its such mixed emotions because Ive had to basically hide from him all those years. Restraining orders, court petitions to protect the kids, warnings to teachers every year, code words with the kids, the list goes on and on - things that are so abnormal yet were normal. These last years when he couldnt find us he began to torment my parents. It has frightened my dad so badly thatt he has began to carry a gun with him *everywhere*. And he's not really healthy enough to be doing that, if you kwim.

And now its suddenly over. Just like that.

And its a relief.

And its incredibly sad.

And Im mad that I still "cleaning up".

And I dont care.

And I feel so sorry for him.

And I keep checking the news to see if its updated, if the name has been released, to know if its really real...

So how am I suppose to walk the boys through this??? DS23 was in tears last night. Very unusual for him. Its just all so convuluted. Hes feeling guilty. ????


Posts: 7682 | Registered: May 2005
Mama_of_3_Kids
♀ Member
Member # 26651
Default  Posted: 8:34 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((truth & boys)))


Me: FBW/30 Him: FWH/33 The kidlets: DS13, DS10, and DD8 The hounds: Four Shih Tzu's
Finally, completely R'd
Clothed in strength and dignity, with nothing to fear, she smiles when she thinks about the future.~Proverbs 31:25

Posts: 11555 | Registered: Dec 2009
painpaingoaway
♀ Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry truthsetmefree.

Yes, I'm sure you are in unchartered territory and it must be extremely difficult.

I don't really know much about your situation, so this may not be helpful, but as the mother of a mentally ill drug addict, may I suggest that maybe just focus on the illnesses that your ex battled rather than the personal pain he caused you and your family? Maybe that would help to deflect some of the personal pain your children might be experiencing?


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7056 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
sunandmoon
♀ Member
Member # 10180
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((truth))) (((truth boys)))

I am so very sorry. The finality of it is likely what is hitting your boys so hard. The fact that "dad" will never recover and be like the other Dad's they know of. I cannot imagine the stress it is putting on you to try to support them and navigate your own emotions.

Prayers and positive thoughts for you and your boys.

sunandmoon


Posts: 1635 | Registered: Mar 2006
truthsetmefree
♀ Member
Member # 7168
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

may I suggest that maybe just focus on the illnesses that your ex battled rather than the personal pain he caused you and your family?

I started here. I think as much because I'm a mother that fears having a son with mental illness and addiction. It's a daily prayer and has been for years. It's the ONLY place I can find compassion for XH.

I sat one time in the middle of my hallway with a loaded gun and my 6 & 10 year old babies hiding in the bath tub while my XH (divorced 4 yrs at that point) was trying to get in every door. It was a turning point for me that day because I *know* I would have - could have - shot him. Before that I was always afraid that having a gun could be turned on me.

I protected the boys from so much, from knowing so much. So in a weird way, of course they're grieving. And in a not so weird way - of course they are grieving.

But seeing him, essentially, hurt them now is not striking the compassion chord. I'm almost back in that hallway.

I'm a mess. I know this isn't about me. But I need to get cleared out so I can best help the boys. I'm also very concerned that this is going to bring out resentment for me for cutting him out of their lives.

Ironically, burial arrangements will fall to the boys since they are next of kin. I'm even pissed that they have to deal with that on ANY level.

Thanks for giving me a place to talk this out....

[This message edited by truthsetmefree at 9:22 AM, October 15th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 7682 | Registered: May 2005
ajsmom
♀ Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 9:20 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow.

This rendered me speechless.

Addictions are unfathomable and I fear this will be my X's demise as well.

Praying for strength for you and your family.

(((((truth)))))

AJ's MOM


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21049 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
Kelany
♀ Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so very sorry to hear this.

My father passed away last February from a drug overdose. They found him after 2 days. We don't know if it was intentional or not.

I had not had contact with him most of my life, however, I had to help, along with my half sister who also had no contact with him, take care of his affairs. We flew out of state for his funeral even.

It was very hard for me. My father was a pedophile, a drug addict and so much more. My mother left him when I was 2 and I've only had very sporadic phone contact with him during my life. The last being when I was 20 and then when I was 32 for health reasons.

His death brought out a lot of pain in ME. I did not handle it well at all. My mother was an amazing support to me. When I called her after we went to the funeral home to pick up his ashes and I was holding him in my lap I lost it. She was my rock.

Focus on your boys...let them talk about what they are feeling. Offer emotional support. Offer to just...be with them I any way that they need it.

The wounds in me ran deep with my father, and his death really messed me up. I still have a million questions in my head, but, there is no way to answer them, and that's the hardest of all.


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
Topic Posts: 58
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3

Return to Forum: Off Topic Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.