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User Topic: XH's body found
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 9:29 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((truth))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8100 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Kelany
♀ Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As far as feeling guilty? I did too. I felt guilty for not trying to reach out to him, for shutting him out of my life (though I know I needed to). I even wondered if he'd ever loved me, and yet I wondered WHY I wondered that because of WHO he was you know? I felt guilty for not giving him one chance to make right what he'd done. I felt guilty for not ever "meeting" him (I hadn't seen him since I was 2). I felt guilty for things that weren't even in my control.

The evening of his funeral I sobbed on the bathroom floor of our hotel in my husband's arms. Every intense emotion I'd ever felt about him was amplified.

The guilt is normal, even though we have nothing to feel guilty about.

I was also very ANGRY about it all. Angry that I had to deal with it, his affairs after. That I had to FEEL these feelings after shutting them away for 36 years. I was angry he'd invaded my life once again when I shut him out.

It was very confusing to me.

Again, I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. Honestly, my therapist helped me a lot with this.


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 9:38 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((((truth and her boys))))))


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Happily Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7276 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
truthsetmefree
♀ Member
Member # 7168
Default  Posted: 10:14 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((Samantha))))))

Thank you deeply for sharing that. I could see much more clearly what the boys could be feeling by reading yours. I'm so sorry. It makes no sense and yet it makes perfect sense. The oldest one has expressed many of the exact same sentiments.

I think part of why this is so hard has to do with the fact that he wasn't found for almost two months. That part especially hurts. Also too that it was just a mile or so from the apartments where DS23 now lives.


Posts: 7682 | Registered: May 2005
sinsof thefather
♀ Member
Member # 29295
Default  Posted: 10:14 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((((truth and her boys))))))


...second star to the right and straight on till morning.

Posts: 1856 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: UK
Pentup
♀ Member
Member # 20563
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No words friend.
Sending prayers for you and your boys.


Me- BS
Him- FWS (I hope- F)

Posts: 6519 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Not Oz
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 10:22 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((truthsetmefree))))

Posts: 6582 | Registered: Dec 2010
DixieD
♀ Member
Member # 33457
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry. That is horrific.

(((((truthsetmefree and sons))))


Growing forward

Posts: 1767 | Registered: Sep 2011
Kelany
♀ Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 10:34 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Truth, I can't imagine the feelings of not finding him for 2 months. I'm sure that compounds it a lot, especially for the boys.

For me, it only took 2 days (we believe) to find him. But to me, even THAT made me feel horrible. The thoughts that ran through my head were "He died alone, how isolating that must have been" "He had no one in the end, I wonder what his last thoughts were as he was snorting those pills, did he think of me at all? Did he ever think of me?" I also felt guilt that he WAS alone. He'd been shunned by everyone in his family (rightfully so) but he had no one. I can't imagine dying completely and utterly alone.

He had a dog, who'd just had puppies. We don't know if the puppies were born before or after he died, they found them with his body. He also had two cats. He lived in a tiny tiny travel trailer in a trailer park. It was disgusting. He'd been a hoarder and was living in filth. We went to his trailer to see if there was anything we needed to get. It was very difficult being there and knowing he'd been laying on the couch just a few weeks before when he died.

That I'm sure will be hard to process for your boys (and you) too. Him dying so alone, and that no one even cared to look for him. Though that is not your fault at ALL, ever, the feelings will still need to be processed.

Be gentle with yourselves, all of you.

Feel free to PM if you'd like. I can share more and what I've done to try and process this entire mess.


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
hit-by-a-train
♀ Member
Member # 8923
Default  Posted: 10:48 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((truth))). I am so very sorry that you and yours are going through this horrid time.

I can empathize with you and your boys, as your post brings back memories of the pain, guilt and sheer relief that I felt when the police told me tthat my X had committed suicide with a gunshot to the heart.

And I can never forget the agony of telling my son (son was adopted by X at age two). X frightened me - a LOT
.

I had just had to spend time in an ER waiting room with X a fewfew days before he killed himself. Our son was seriously injured in a car accident. I will always wonder whether seeing me happy with my late husband pushed X over the edge.

I will pm you my phone # and please call if you need to talk - doesn't matter what time it is.

[This message edited by hit-by-a-train at 10:50 AM, October 15th (Tuesday)]


In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer..Albert Camus
**Beloved hubby died at home 1/28/2013, age 61..** God sent me two good men in a row......and saved the best for last. Remarried 2/14/14, grief and joy....

Posts: 2285 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: USA
Exit Wounds
♀ Member
Member # 32811
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry for you and the boys. Lots of love and prayers coming your way...

Posts: 2481 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: With my dad...and my dog...
DeadMumWalking
♀ Member
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

O. M. G. I am so sorry for you and the boys.

((((tsmf & boys))))


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 24 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 29
Dday: Dec 2008
re-separated (in-house), for good (??) <-- should really remove these, shouldn't I...

Posts: 2541 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
silverhopes
♀ Member
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 11:42 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((truthsetmefree and family))))


Find peace. Or sleep on it.
Sometimes my monkeys, sometimes my circus. Be mindful, compassionate, and responsible… Something valuable I learned on SI. :)

Posts: 3900 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
dazdandconfuzed
Member
Member # 11692
Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((truth and boys)))


Me - BW
Him - WH

Posts: 6621 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: Massachusetts
hill
Member
Member # 12166
Default  Posted: 1:08 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((truth and family)))

Posts: 3151 | Registered: Sep 2006
jrc1963
♀ Member
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 1:54 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Truth and boys)))


Me: BSO - 46
Him: FWSO - 68
DS - 12
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 24416 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
SerJR
♂ Member
Member # 14993
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((tsmf))))

I'm so sorry. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts.


Me: BH - Happily remarried.
Hope is never lost. It exists within you - it is real. It is not a force in and of itself - it is something that you create with every thought, action, and choice you make. It is a gift that you create for yourself.

Posts: 17093 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Further North than South
lynnm1947
♀ Member
Member # 15300
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((truth))))


Age: 64..ummmmmmm, no...............65....no...oh, hell born in 1947. You figure it out!

"I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance." Garth Brooks


Posts: 7166 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Toronto, Canada
painpaingoaway
♀ Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I sat one time in the middle of my hallway with a loaded gun and my 6 & 10 year old babies hiding in the bath tub while my XH (divorced 4 yrs at that point) was trying to get in every door.
I'm so sorry. It's that kind of trauma that stays with us for so so long. Hopefully, all the pain, fear, and years of horror can all be buried with him.

Stay strong.


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7035 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry - what a roller coaster of emotions this must be. ((HUGS))


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6647 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
Topic Posts: 58
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