I really thought I was doing better, but I'm not. Again.
I just want some peace with this horrifying ordeal!! Will we ever truly be at peace with it??
your DDay is still too new and fresh. I'm almost 10 months out and still struggle sometimes.
I can very much relate to your feelings. I really thought i was doing well...and for about a week the anger has really snuck up on me. It comes and goes, but it is much easier to get thru as time passes.
Be gentle with yourself and dont rush things. Allow yourself the time to grieve, process and wrap your head around everything. you will go thru these feelings a lot in the months following DDay. its normal. But it does get better. Keep the focus on you, getting strong and addressing your needs.
hugs to you!
I know we want this to be over fast but there is no way that can happen.
4 kiddos in mid 20's
Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...
Yes! Me freaking too!! I'd take the peace however I can get it too, if it means leaving, fine, staying fine, but neither of those options will give me peace. I want off of this effing rollercoaster but the exit is 2-5 years away.
I've read over and over the reality of the healing timeline, I don't like it, but I get it. It's just that my brain tricks me during a few good days and I'm all, I got this, we are stronger than this, *I* am stronger than this, he's being honest now, I love this man....then the rug gets pulled out again and I'm all eff him, I can't possibly EVER forgive, he's the devil, I will never get over this, not ever never ever never. I'm so tired of it.
I suppose my attitude should be to just enjoy the good days when they come but know *and anticipate* that they will end sooner than later.
This sucks, have I mentioned that yet?
How do you know when you have REALLY moved on to acceptance
As with all big life things, you will KNOW when you are there imo. For me there was a noticeable shift in my mind that caused my heart to feel different, pieces of anxiety and stress were gone in certain areas. That shift also extended into other areas of my life, what we work on to be healed from this ripples out into our whole life and you will see those ripples touch other relationships and areas and know they are now a part of who you are imo.
IMO, there really is no BIG A acceptance. By that I mean there is no final, once and for all acceptance that puts it all behind us and we walk fresh again into this glorious future ahead of us. Acceptance is plural, not singular imo.
IMO, acceptance is taken one piece at a time, and many times that acceptance opens up other "issues" or questions that have to be dealt with.
I have come to accept many things over the last 6 years, and cumulatively one might say I have reached the singular BIG A acceptance, but I know deep down that no, there are still more things to work on, and I realize those things will expose other things and on and on.
Each piece of acceptance is healing though, and it does cause a shift in my mind and heart and it adds strength which takes away the daunting factor and never ending feeling factor and the constant fatigue.
We have all BTDT, I have learned that there can be peace with or without acceptance. Peace is made from within irregardless of what we are dealing with. It is a gift we give ourselves imo.
Take a break when you need one, seriously. How can you build an oasis of peace for yourself? If you enjoy reading, take a break from the infidelity/marriage reading right now and read something you can get lost in. Take a class to learn something you have always wanted just for you to enrich yourself, cooking, floral arranging, welding?? Volunteer at a charity that touches your heart, animal rescue, helping children learn to read, soup kitchens. Meditation or a new spiritual discipline? A hobby, trains, crochet, motorcycles, needlepoint, public speaking? Build a new body, zumba, marathon, yoga? Part of it is the thing you do to create the oasis and part of it is your mindset in creating, in nourishing yourself, in caring for yourself.
I do know though that it is really hard at first to do this, it is awkward, it seems counter productive, and the first few times probably will not have the desired effect of peace and a break from this heartache, but I know from experience that eventually it does work.
Peace is possible irregardless of the storm we walk through, but we must return to the storm at times as well to keep on keeping on to get to the other side.