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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Is marriage counseling working??
dana1234
♀ New Member
Member # 40952
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm 8 months out from d-day. We have been in MC since the first week, second therapist. We go every Monday and the tension between us is worse as we drive there. After, one of us is normally angry or upset and it seems like why do this anymore? Anyone else question MC and if it's working or not? How do you know??


Me40 BS
Him 43 WH
Married 16 years, together 24 high school sweethearts
3 Beautiful Children 12,8,8

Posts: 33 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: New Jersey
SpiderGrl
♀ Member
Member # 40157
Default  Posted: 9:03 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would think there would be a bigger red flag if you were leaving feeling loving and validated. I have the attitude that if MC is working it breaks down the old house to make room for the new one. It is painful but each broken "brick" that gets removed makes room for a new stronger brick.

Now, if you feel your MC isn't compatible or is not ultimately helping to rebuild, maybe shop for another one.


Me 36- BW
Him 37- WH 6 month EA pushing PA.
DDAY- 7/2/13
Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will. -Gandhi
Pls forgive weird sentences and spelling mistakes, I post from my phone and autocorrect hates me.

Posts: 101 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: US
SpiderGrl
♀ Member
Member # 40157
Default  Posted: 9:06 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I meant to add that we (I) generally leave with red eyes and a drippy nose(eew) but we ultimately get a feeling of being one baby step closer to a better M.


Me 36- BW
Him 37- WH 6 month EA pushing PA.
DDAY- 7/2/13
Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will. -Gandhi
Pls forgive weird sentences and spelling mistakes, I post from my phone and autocorrect hates me.

Posts: 101 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: US
SorrowBhindSmile
♀ Member
Member # 38139
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This has happened to me as well. In fact, about a month ago, we left MC and i cried the whole way home and just ripped my WH a new one.

The thing about MC (for me anyways) is that we are talking about all the wrong.....what is broken and needs to be fixed. That's painful shit right there. Its HARD to look at yourself and see the flaws...its hard to look at your partner and see the flaws. And it totally sucks knowing you have to go to MC because someone cheated. Then you get pissed off. Its quite the roller coaster.

For me, i feel that MC is working because of the following...
i tend to leave MC in a better place more often than not. Yes, I am very sad and upset many times when i leave...but after i have had some time to process what we have talked about, and i step back and look at the bigger picture, i know i am stronger and much better off now. The sad and upset feeling generally doesn't last but for the day...and i am usually ready to face my week.

I really do like my MC and while the work we do is very hard....i know it is work that needs to be done. It is sad, and it is difficult...but in the end i know i am better off.


Me: BW
Him: WH
OW: My former "dear friend"/neighbor
Married 20+
Kids: 3
D-Day 12/2012
Committed to R 7/8/2013
"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle"

Posts: 357 | Registered: Jan 2013
littledebbie
♀ Member
Member # 35210
Default  Posted: 10:02 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All I can say is just hang in there. There were weeks where we would go and although we would have a pretty good week, a day or two before MC we would have an argument or I would trigger, so we felt very stuck, like we couldn't get past a certain point. A lot of it was me, I wanted things to progress faster than they were, we were making progress it was just taking a while for us to really see it. Don't give up, it will get better just be patient.


Me-BS 40
Him-WS 40
Married 20 yrs.
Kids-16&13
DDay-Oct.13, 2011
R'ing-Going well

Posts: 56 | Registered: Apr 2012
Topic Posts: 5

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