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Newest Member: Devestatedbeyond (44583)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: He's having me watched
stupidstupidme
♀ Member
Member # 11888
Target  Posted: 10:36 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My court case began in 2009, and in Aug 2010, I was awarded sole legal custody of Bunt. We share physical custody.

I always knew he would never "settle" for that, and I was right.

I have neighbors that are good friends of mine. I have another neighbor that we all call either "he-man" or "Dbag". He-man has a son that is in the same class as the Bunt. They went to the Bday party that FT threw for Bunt, and guess they got to talking, and FT asked He-man to watch me...

He-man stupidly told the neighbor that I am good friends with all about it, and that he is spying on me for FT, because FT fully intends to take me back to court to get the Bunt.

No shocker... I'll never forget his words of "I will stop at NOTHING to get my son from you"

Bunt is seven... so let's see... I only have... 11 more years of always looking over my shoulder. So much fun.


Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength
August Wilson

Posts: 19714 | Registered: Aug 2006
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 11:24 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is your neighbor willing to sign a statement and have it notarized about what was said?


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9459 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

At some point, Bunt's desires will come into play here also. What an asshole.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7504 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
stupidstupidme
♀ Member
Member # 11888
Default  Posted: 11:35 AM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The neighbor that I'm friends with will absolutely testify if that's what it comes to.

I would also subpoena He-man and have him asked on the stand if he was approached and "hired" or asked by FT to obtain "dirt". That won't look good.

The thing is, I'm a great mom. He's fishing in an empty pond.


Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength
August Wilson

Posts: 19714 | Registered: Aug 2006
Gr8Lady
♀ Member
Member # 36307
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How does that make you feel?
It is aggravating to me that you are a caring responsible mom and he feels the need to watch you.
Nonsense....let him watch he will see how parenting should be done.
In the best interest of the child,


BS: Me (63yo)
FWH: HIM (65yo) serial infidelities over past 35 years
OW: Many, most recent 1/2 his age
DD: Multiple unconfirmed until 2012 when I presented evidence, plus LTA with his friends wife lasting 10 years. TT over past year
So done,

Posts: 607 | Registered: Jul 2012
Snapdragon
♀ Member
Member # 4286
Default  Posted: 1:44 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good gravy! What is your ex expecting the neighbor to see? Wild parties? You beating Bunt out in the driveway? You getting drunk and passing out on the front lawn every night? Sheesh

See, the thing is... with an ex like yours he will never stop trying to get the upper hand. Even after Bunt turns 18 he will still do the same thing. Only then it will be to pressure Bunt for primary allegiance. Every holiday will become a contest. Every big event will require that Bunt put his father in a place of getting attention and credit. It won't ever end with someone like him. I'm sorry for that.


Divorced - recovered and hoping to help.

"We're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again" ~Pink


Posts: 3075 | Registered: May 2004 | From: Midwest
stupidstupidme
♀ Member
Member # 11888
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Very true... breaks my heart for my son


Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength
August Wilson

Posts: 19714 | Registered: Aug 2006
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Unfortunately, I don't think there is much that you can do about it. He can "watch" you all he wants, but honestly, or ask others to "watch" you for him, but anyone can look at anyone and anywhere they want, as long as they aren't breaking the law, tresspassing, entering your home, etc.

My XWH and the OW "watch" me all the time, drive by all the time, I have pictures of XWH sitting on the sidestreet "watching" my house. There isn't a damn thing I can do about it until they break the law, and according to the law, they can drive down any street they choose, they can park on any sidestreet they want to.

I hate it, I want to move, but I'm kind of stuck in my house right now.

Let them look. There's nothing to see.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3275 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 2:29 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FTG!!!!

You do an amazing job with a kiddo that requires so much added extra attention, and work. He couldn't even begin to handle what you do.
Bunt is with you because he is supposed to be. Let him watch, maybe he will learn something, I doubt it, but we can hope.

Hang in there, and just smile and wave.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8077 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 2:40 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I only have... 11 more years of always looking over my shoulder.

Nope

He's fishing in an empty pond.

Live your life to the best of your ability. Enjoy it without looking over your shoulder, the view to the front is so much better. Especially without FT in the view. Don't give him the head space.

Short of you beating your son or becoming a drug addict, the possibility of a judge reversing custody is slight.

Strength


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2669 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
stupidstupidme
♀ Member
Member # 11888
Default  Posted: 4:05 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Older members here know - I had a horrific experience with him, and him taking my son and holding him hostage. The lies, the threats... Unfortunately when this stuff comes up (and it always does eventually), my PTSD kicks in and that old fear surfaces... luckily though, I quickly gain logical perspective - but thank you for the reminders.


Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength
August Wilson

Posts: 19714 | Registered: Aug 2006
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 4:17 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For that, I am truly sorry. Were there no legal ramifications for his behavior? Hell that incident alone should preclude any legal attempt at getting custody changed.

No protective order?

My advice remains. Yes with the caveat that you can't control FT's actions. You need to show Bunt how to enjoy life though.

Sending strength and much Mojo.


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2669 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
thebighurt
♀ Member
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 5:32 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry. I am dealing with the same thing as sparkysable, only we have no children/custody issues. We have been D over a yr and a half and he/they drive by several times a week and sit in the road at the end of the driveway. Now I've noticed another vehicle I don't know doing the same. If it's meant to make me feel threatened or harassed, it's working.

Like 545, I'm amazed there weren't consequences from his previous actions like the court denying unsupervised visitation. Was the law involved? Unbelievable!

((((Ssm))). Let them watch and maybe learn what he should be doing.


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2224 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
Catwoman
♀ Member
Member # 1330
Default  Posted: 6:01 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Damn, don't you wish you had a good looking male friend with a tuxedo and a Maserati?

Seriously, I would have some fun with this. He is going to get absolutely nowhere, but wouldn't it be a hoot to help him get there?

My ex has intermittently watched my abode for years. I have always wanted to find a friend who was willing to leave his high end car in my drive for a few days.

Cat


FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 25 and 22. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Posts: 29565 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts
thebighurt
♀ Member
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 6:08 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LOL, catwoman, I have someone who wants to leave his vehicle in my driveway for the next month. He knows xpos is driving by all the time. There have already been "strange " vehicles in my driveway overnight on a few occasions...... just sayin'.


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2224 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 11:44 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

To those being 'watched' by their Xs, wouldn't anti-stalking laws apply? Or am I just being naive.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1623 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 8:52 AM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

To those being 'watched' by their Xs, wouldn't anti-stalking laws apply? Or am I just being naive.
I wish. The thing is, XWH and OW aren't threatening me. They just "happen" to drive down the street

For me, it's even worse because XWH and OW work for the town PD, and at times, these drive-by's just happen to occur in their work vehicles, while they're working. They just happen to be driving back from a call in the area . I can't do a damn thing. I wanted to text them and be like "are there no other streets you can drive down in this town?" But I don't want to feed their egos.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3275 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
stupidstupidme
♀ Member
Member # 11888
Default  Posted: 11:35 AM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree... it made me angry and scared (for no reason except old PTSD creeping up), but yeah... I think I'll just have some fun.


Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength
August Wilson

Posts: 19714 | Registered: Aug 2006
Topic Posts: 18

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