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DS has always been a "needy" child. As a newborn, he would only, and I mean ONLY sleep if I held him. And I tried everything short of CIO techniques.

As he got older, he became more active. The only time I could get him to settle down was to put on TV, which he could focus on for short periods of time. He'd run around at times but he'd keep checking in with the TV. Sometimes he would sit still and watch, particularly if I sat beside him on the couch.

If I sat down, he'd scooch up right next to me. He'd literally have to be touching me the entire time. At various points, he'd reach up and rub my arm, sometimes to the point of annoyance for me.

As he started preschool, the teacher noticed behaviors and mentioned them. I asked her to please keep letting me know what she observed and I'd respond accordingly. We've had behavioral problems and high energy in daycare.

Now, he's in K. We had parent-teacher conferences last Friday, and the teacher thinks he needs to be evaluated for ADHD. It would not surprise me if he has it. His impulsiveness is off the charts, he's super active, innattentive, and lacks appropriate social skills. All of the "needs improvement" grades on his report card were in behavior. Academically, his teacher thinks he is above-average to gifted.

He really is a smart, sweet and caring boy. He's a charmer never meets a stranger- he just loves people.

I'm not opposed to medicating him, but I'm in the process of doing research. He has an appt with his pedi in Nov. to start the evaluation process. I'm getting a lot of backlash and some blaming from certain family members. They are telling me that he's acting out due to not getting enough good attention, the fact that his father and I divorced and he's dealing with that, and the fact that I'm not utilizing the right discipline or I overstimulated him as a younger child. This has been really hard for me to deal with as I need support right now, not condemnation and blame.

Idk what I'm looking for here. Advice? Guidance? Maybe just to get it out.

My son is ADD- not ADHD and there is a significant difference. He is inattentive. Some disorganization as well. But impulse control is at or close to age appropriate. He was diagnosed in first grade. We chose to medicate him. It has worked for him but required consistent monitoring and contact with teachers. As he grows, gains weight and matures all of these effect the meds. And some just plain will not be a right fit for his chemistry. You will get opinions, judgement and at time aggresive opposition. I see it as a personal choice between my child, my husband and his Dr. Others are certainly welcome to their opinions but it is my belief that their knowledge is unique to their expereinces just as mine is so I let it roll off of me.

The school is responsible to have him testd, to share results and to provide support should that be needed. The decision about meds is between you and the pediatrician. My experience is that I needed to be dilligent to the point of driven with getting the school to execute on thier responsibilities.

Best wishes-

sunandmoon

Hi abby

My middle son(now 8 and in 2nd grade) has ADHD. And like yours, he is above average academically.

It is a good thing that his teacher recommended evaluation. A teacher is not supposed to give a diagnosis.

K didn't have the earlier issues that your son did, but oh yeah the impulsiveness.

Also, you are not to blame. It is something in their wiring. Not in not getting enough attention, or your divorce.

Now on to meds. When we first started off, I was super-opposed to meds. I've come around, but do do your research. And be prepared for some trial and error. What meds work for one child may not work for another. Keep an eye on the dosing. You want enough to calm down the issues, but you don't want to make your kid a zombie(my biggest fear, which fortunately has not happened)Holler at me anytime.

ADHD doesn't have to be a sentence to remedial classes and stuff.

Last, it's important for any child, but STRUCTURE is especially important for a child with ADHD

My son is 8 and is diagnosed with ADD (inattentive).

He is in the gifted program, has an dazzling high IQ, but at the same time he is also being tested for learning disabilities because the gap between what he is capable of and what he is actually doing is huge. His school work, in the language arts subjects, is average to below average.

However, children with ADD/ADHD often struggle with reading and writing because it requires a high level of concentration that they just aren't able to do.

We are choosing not to medicate yet. The school administration supports our decision, although his teacher isn't happy with us.

Right now we are trying more of the behavioral modifications and diet changes. We are trying to cut out artificial food dyes, he is starting martial arts, etc.

I'm getting a lot of backlash and some blaming from certain family members. They are telling me that he's acting out due to not getting enough good attention, the fact that his father and I divorced and he's dealing with that, and the fact that I'm not utilizing the right discipline or I overstimulated him as a younger child. This has been really hard for me to deal with as I need support right now, not condemnation and blame.

You know the saying about opinions and assholes - everyone has one?

As difficult as it may be, you need to set some boundaries with these (hopefully) well-meaning folks.

My sister told me that all the sugar in the jarred spaghetti sauce I used was the reason my two ADHD kids were impulsive and high energy. She's a very smart woman, but that comment was one of the stupidest things I've ever heard.

With some people, you may decide it's worth the time and effort to educate them. With some, you may choose to just deflect their ignorant comments with a "that's an interesting theory" or "thanks for your concern, but I've got this."

I'm sorry they are adding stress and judgment to the situation rather than support. You can't control them, however. You can only control your reactions.

((((abby & ds))))

Personally and Parentally I have experience.

If the teachers are saying he has it, or have concerns then he probably does. There are all kinds of folks out there that will blame it on diet, environment etc. TRUE REAL ADHD doesn't matter with all that stuff. Been there tried it. Evaluation is usually a parental survey, a teacher survey, and another adult survey of someone who is around them on a regular basis. There are two parts one to eval for ADD, the other ADHD. If they get yes's to mulitple questions then they are considered to be a good candidate for meds.

I put my son on meds in KG, and read a ton of books on it, and I had been a ritalin kid, so we tried several meds over the years. The whole goal is to slow down their little brains enough so they can learn how to manage, and develop coping skills. One thing that saved us from behavior issues was having him be an avid reader, any down time he was to be reading. He is very bright and finished work before everyone. The other life saver was getting him into the smart kids program, which was all day one day a week, and they were reponsible for making up any missed work while away. This really did help in elementary school. Had him off meds at the end of middle school and Freshman year. He has the skills, but has had some significant stressors that have made it more difficult for him to focus, and is back on meds currently.

He will not need them forever, but they do allow him to learn, and not be a spaz who is interuppting the class constantly.

I too was off meds by middle school, and stayed off through college. I did ok, my grades were never great, and I had a LD of a form of dyslexia. I chose a career where I was busy, and love it.

It is a stressful time, and although there a lot of folks out there opposed to meds for one reason or another, I am still of the school of thought that they can really help a kid function well, and keep them from being an outcast, and in addition prevent them from being self medicators in adulthood. ADHD folks are prone to alcohol and drug abuse, to help quiet the mind, other things that work just as well, are exercise, and staying organized and busy.

One last bit of info, when I put my son on meds I did NOT tell the school when we started them, I got a call from the teacher at the end of day 2 the positive changes see saw were immediate, and great.

((((and strength)))

My now 19 yr old son was dx in K. He had an amazing teacher. She explained how he would crawl under the round table at reading time and lay on his back in push the table off the ground with his feet. BUT as soon as she would get his attention he would very quickly apologize and join the group again. But it would take only minutes to be distracted and back at it. He was never nasty or rude or talked back and was always very apologetic about his behavior. We did an at home survey and the teacher did hers.

At home he was very disorganized and hyper and had a short attention span - his impulse control was almost zero.

The pediatrician explained it as a "normal, non ADHD" child would accidently bounce a ball in the road and MOST would stop and think before acting - my child would instinctively run into the road after the ball, traffic or not.

We have an amazing pediatrician who has kept DS's dosage minimal - and since ds was apprx 15, maybe younger, the pediatrician talks directly to ds about how he feels, how he thinks the medication is doing etc.

Son also was dx early on with learning disabilities in reading and spelling - he now loves to read - but struggles with spelling/writing. His comprehension is fantastic, he just cant get it on paper.

A good pediatrician is KEY.

Thanks everyone so far.

Sunandmoon-But impulse control is at or close to age appropriate.

It might be age appropriate. But his behaviors in the classroom (and at home if I'm honest) are constant and disruptive. No amount of discipline or variation on style of discipline really affects his behavior.

JKL-

K didn't have the earlier issues that your son did, but oh yeah the impulsiveness.

do you mind my asking what impulsive behviors your child exhibited?

Dameia-

Right now we are trying more of the behavioral modifications and diet changes. We are trying to cut out artificial food dyes, he is starting martial arts, etc.

I've considered karate. I've already cut out most all Red 40 at the urging of the teacher, unless we're at home.

Thank you NIK. I was hoping to hear from you since I knew you'd been through something like this with your child.

TushNurse-

and I had been a ritalin kid

Did you notice any long term effects of the ritalin? That seems to be the primary concern of my family members- that we don't know the long-term effects of medicating.

I am still of the school of thought that they can really help a kid function well, and keep them from being an outcast

THIS. This is happening at school. None of the kids at school want to play with him, so he's already being ostracized for his behaviors. Won't this impede his development of social skills too?

TheHardWay-

The pediatrician explained it as a "normal, non ADHD" child would accidently bounce a ball in the road and MOST would stop and think before acting - my child would instinctively run into the road after the ball, traffic or not.

Yep. Mine has no forethought either. AND, couple that with the inattentiveness and essentially he just bumbles around doing whatever he wants. But he's defiant a lot too.

None of the kids at school want to play with him, so he's already being ostracized for his behaviors. Won't this impede his development of social skills too?

This was a major concern with my daughter. And the longer it goes on, the harder it is to overcome. How does he do with one-on-one play?

My 10 year old dd has ADHD. She also has OCD. Her ADHD is combined, which is rarer in girls. We used to joke that she came out screaming and never stopped. Hardly slept, colicky baby. Then, as a toddler, incredibly active and a wanderer. Most little girls were glued to their Mommy's leg at a playdate...my dd would leave the park.

EX didn't believe there was anything wrong, and it wasn't until we S, and her behavior really nose-dived that I was able to get him on board. She was dx in the 3rd grade. The only way she didn't fail in school is that she is very intelligent. Very. Scary in some areas. She doesn't study because she doesn't have to...where her grades were getting hit were in organization and drawing along the sides of the papers (3rd grade).

We eventually medicated her, and she could not take any kind of stimulant drug, she now takes Strattera and Zoloft (for the OCD). It took about 18 months to really get a good combination of medications that worked. It was a LOT of trial and error. I also let her follow her own interests, which are unusual. She like exotic pets, so we have geckos and toads and I sign her up for anything having to do with her interest. I keep her busy and allow her to follow her own interests. If she is interested...I buy it/go to the library/sign her up for it.

When she was little, I had her in gymnastics and a small trampoline at home that she jumped into the ground on. By third grade she rode bikes into the ground. She is also a dare devil, but that has calmed down too.

She is now in 5th grade and doing OK. Maturity has helped some, the medications helped a lot.

I've also had her evaluated twice for Aspergers, all of her therapist think she is on the spectrum, but I can't get the dx. We start a new Cognitive Behavioral Therapist for the OCD this week, I have had her in therapy since we S.

She is still very forgetful and not well organized, but...overall...doing OK.

It is overwhelming in the beginning, but you need to do what you think is right for your child.

Please have your kids evaluated for sleep apnea before starting any ADHD drugs. There is new info out that many people are not aware of.

Most pediatricians are not even aware of this link:

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/04/16/attention-problems-may-be-sleep-related/?_r=0

NIK-

How does he do with one-on-one play?

He plays well sometimes, and others, not so much. He is very sensitive to people around him laughing- I laugh when he does something cute but he loses his temper with me and yells at me to stop laughing. I've tried to explain the difference to him but idk if he gets it. This might cause a problem in his formation of friendships/one-on-one play because he is sensitive and loses his temper easily.

His major behavioral issue is that he has to constantly be touching someone. He KNOWS the rule (I have drilled it into him daily for the last few weeks of school) of personal space, not to touch anyone at school, but he just cannot control his impulse to touch. He also likes to put his hands in his pants and scratch (front and back), so when his classmates see him doing that they think he's gross and definitely don't want him touching him after that. He's inattentive to his surroundings. The class will be playing some game or something on the floor and the teacher tells me he's broken several things because he'll bumble along not paying attention and walk into/on things.

Idk.

cmego-

We used to joke that she came out screaming and never stopped. Hardly slept, colicky baby. Then, as a toddler, incredibly active and a wanderer

Oh gosh. DS was a screamer too. At first, there was a certain hour every day that he'd scream. That kind of tapered off. He HATED to take naps and would fight sleep. He's super active too.

Thanks PPGA- I'll check that out.

I'm currently in grad school so I'm writing this research paper on ADHD so I can kill 2 birds with one stone- I can do personal research AND write a paper about it. I have a lot to cover.

Abby - There is a lot of information on LT effects from Ritalin, of course these are all to be taken with a grain of salt.

The most common side effects of any of the ADHD meds Which all work very simlarly (other than Strattera which comes with a Black Label Warning). They tend to make you less hungry, which is a challenge since most ADHD kids tend to be thin-Chacetic anyway cause they are metabolic machines, always moving. The other concern is it can "stunt" growth, typically the Dr makes sure your child is growing nromally, and if there is a delay they take them off and voila in a couple of months they catch up. I only medicate my son during school, no weekends, holidays, days off, summer breaks, or days where they aren't really working in school like last Friday for Homecoming.

I personally don't see any long term effects from the Ritalin, I can say that I was super skinny as a kid, but as soon as my body started making estrogen, that problem went away, So I have battled my weight since I was about 11. I am of normal height at 5'6".

The only thing I remember from being on it, was getting really cranky late in the day when it would wear off. Usually about the time I got home from school. Which would make homework a real treat. Now the meds are so much better that come down is hardly noticable for several of the meds.

Want to add one more thing....Most kids with ADHD have terrible, mostly illegible handwriting, this is because their brains go faster than their hands.

Teaching them to type at a young age can really help. My son has done most written assignments in school on a keyboard/computer since he was in 3rd grade. His fingers can type much faster than he can write, and you can read it when he is done. Usually makes more sense too, as he looses focus while he is laboring to get those words on paper.

There are a ton of games/programs out there that make learing how to fun. Do it now while she is young. It is a great thing.

From what you described here I would also want to have him evaluated for sensory integration issues. But that should be part of any good ADHD eval anyway. See a child psychologist, and make sure they are ruling out everything. That will cover the "sugar in the tomato sauce" and "its due to the divorce" questions too.

More seriously, if he is not functioning well at school then an eval is a good thing. What you noticed at home is also enough to warrant an eval. That does not mean that he does have ADHD or that you will end up on medication or anything -- you are simply taking the first step to see where his behavior falls vs the norms in specific areas. Once you have that data you can decide what to do about it if there are deficencies. But it never hurts to eval. If they don't find anything -- great! If they do, you know what needs work to help him be his best. Its all good. But don't get ahead of yourself worrying about meds yet.

Sensory stuff is always a concern as it falls in the spectrum of autism. I was super super touchy feely as a kid. Still am. That's why doing what I do works for me. I don't Hesitate to hug a patient hold a hand Of even give a peck on the forehead.

My son who walks the fine line of being aspie did not like to be held cuddled or loved on as a baby. Too much external stimuli would send him over the edge. My H is similar. When he is sick he just goes to sleep until he feels better. He has a blankie my gram made that is satin and still gets pulled out to rub when having a stressful time.

[This message edited by tushnurse at 5:54 PM, October 15th (Tuesday)]

satin and still gets pulled out to rub

my daughter did that too, lol. We had to cut out a piece for her to carry around with her.

Thank you- all of you.

Update- day 1 of behavior modification saw a decrease in unwanted behavior. Of the 5 goals in his new behavior chart, he earned smileys in 4 of them. Not too shabby for now. We'll keep marching onward!

Yay!