So here it is: she wants our daughter to do some things (here and there), this will crowd the time I do homework and cook dinner (not a great cook, still learning), so I told her no. Can she take me to court to make me take my daughter?
I'm not suggesting that our kids do nothing the rest of their childhood, I just wanted a 3 month adjustment time.
Can she take me to court to make me take my daughter?
If it's something else (like counseling, physical therapy for a condition/injury, etc.) it might be a different story.
"Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in." -Cohen
She can take you to court for whatever she wants. Whether she will be successful is another story. However, from now on, you always have to deal with her with a bit of strategy in mind. In other words, everything you say or write can now be used as evidence. You never want to look like the unreasonable parent or that you're disagreeing with a proposal for any other reason than it's not in the best interests of the kids.
With that said, did she also agree to this adjustment period? Did a counselor suggest it? How did you come up with the time frame? What are the activities that she's suggesting? Are they offered in the winter too or is this the sign up time for the year? Are these same activities offered on saturdays too? Things like that need to be considered. If you don't have a good reason for saying no, or you don't research alternatives and present another way, a judge may view it as you being unreasonable.
Another significant point I like to make (I'm an attorney so I see all kinds of things go down) is that you never want to go back to court unless that is the absolute last resort. I see people all the time say, " we'll, I guess we will just go back to court", as if that's not a big deal. When you are at the mercy of another person's opinion, which is shaped by his or her own life experiences, it may not always go the way you want or feel it should. in fact, family court environments, in my experience, can be a crap shoot.
Bottom line is that you have a lot more years to have to deal with her. It sucks and i too wish that my ex would move far away so i didnt have to "co parent" with him ever again. But, thats unfortunately not our reality right now. Right now, set the tone to at least try to cooperate and it will save a lot of headaches down the road.
I was a doer, so any time to just sit and 'calm' would be wasted on me.
I needed to run, jump, and interact with kids my age, more so to take my mind off what was going on at home.
You may want to consider how your child copes and what yoru children's current attitudes are. There may be benefit in getting them out and with their peers.
Again, it's all about compromise and making sure whatever you say is backed up with good reason. If the grades are up, one activity doesn't sound crazy with the caveat that it has to be cancelled if the grades start to slip again.
It's tough when the other parent doesn't comprehend that kids have homework which takes time to work through. Rushed homework, rushed meals, rushed bedtime, don't make for happy kids or happy Mommy/Daddy.
I did want to point out that writing things down and keeping records of XWW's requests or changes she makes to kid's schedule or your interactions is something people do that helps.
I've been told that the more I show sameness and routine, the more it helps a judge or court to find a stable parent. Keeping records shows detail and caring.
The only thing that stays the same, is change. -M. Etheridge
If your divorce agreement stipulates that you have custody during the hours of 3-5pm M-F and she wants to sign them up for running club that meets Wednesdays at 3pm, then I don't think she can force you to take them there at what is YOUR time.
On the other hand if SHE has custody on Wednesday afternoons, then I suspect you can't STOP her from taking them to an activity that meets at that time. Although you would probably be within your rights not to pay for the cost of it.
Unless of course a judge rules otherwise.
My divorce agreement says we are supposed to "consult" on extra-curricular activities but doesn't say who gets the deciding vote. Absent a specific divorce provision, I would assume that the parent who has custody at a given time is within their rights to take the children to any activities they wish, as long as the activities aren't demonstrably harmful.