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User Topic: The honeymoon is over.
kickboxer
♀ Member
Member # 39858
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

13 weeks out.

After the first week of shock and tears, the next 7-8 weeks were full of constant professions of love...lots of sex...free flowing affection...constant compliments...commitment to counseling...flowers...love, love, and more love.

A few weeks ago, I felt the distance return. It wasn't much at first, but I could tell a difference. I feel significantly more distance now.

I can't explain it...I don't think he's actively pursuing any affair activity, but he's not as present as I need him to be at this point in our recovery.

We had an argument about 10 days ago. His rage resurfaced...something changed inside of me. I literally felt a shift deep inside my core. I don't deserve to be screamed at and called names. I didn't deserve to be cheated on repeatedly.

And I'm not taking it anymore.

I'm not sure indifference is the right word, but I don't know how else to explain it.

Either he'll step up and be the man I need or he won't.

I'm coming to grips with reality now: My husband has had multiple affairs. Years of verbal abuse and rage have left their scars.

I can live with what's happened. I can deal with the scars. I can get over his infidelity.

What I cannot do is take anymore. I cannot handle anymore lies, secrets, blurred boundaries, and uncontrolled anger.

I've fallen off Cloud 9, and see things through a different light now.

Proceeding with hope.
Proceeding with faith.
Proceeding with expectation.
Proceeding with aspiration.

Proceeding with caution.

{edited for errors}

[This message edited by kickboxer at 12:20 PM, October 15th (Tuesday)]


BW - 41 (Me)
WH - 39 (2 ONS, 6m EA)
Married 13 years, 3 children
DD: 7/13/13
Status: Rugsweeping, I guess.

Posts: 247 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere Out There
strongerdaybyday
♀ Member
Member # 40264
Default  Posted: 12:53 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What I cannot do is take anymore. I cannot handle anymore lies, secrets, blurred boundaries, and uncontrolled anger

And you shouldn't have to. You gave him the GIFT of R and he should CHERISH you.

I 180'd my H until he realized how special I am and how stupid he was for cheating regardless of our problems. I listened to the Katy Perry song "wide awake" on repeat, not because I'm the biggest Katy Perry fan but because it resonated with how I felt and how our relationship had been for awhile. Here's the lyrics if you're unfamiliar with the song:

I'm wide awake
I'm wide awake

I'm wide awake
Yeah, I was in the dark
I was falling hard
With an open heart
I'm wide awake
How did I read the stars so wrong?
I'm wide awake
And now it's clear to me
That everything you see
Ain't always what it seems
I'm wide awake
Yeah, I was dreaming for so long

[Pre-Chorus]
I wish I knew then
What I know now
Wouldn't dive in
Wouldn't bow down
Gravity hurts
You made it so sweet
'Til I woke up on
On the concrete

[Chorus]
Falling from cloud nine
Crashing from the high
I'm letting go tonight
Yeah, I'm falling from cloud nine

I'm wide awake
Not losing any sleep
I picked up every piece
And landed on my feet
I'm wide awake
Need nothing to complete myself, no

I'm wide awake
Yeah, I am born again
Out of the lion's den
I don't have to pretend
And it's too late
The story's over now, the end

[Pre-Chorus]
I wish I knew then
What I know now
Wouldn't dive in
Wouldn't bow down
Gravity hurts
You made it so sweet
'Til I woke up on
On the concrete

[Chorus]
Falling from cloud nine (it was out of the blue)
I'm crashing from the high
I'm letting go tonight (yeah, I'm letting you go)
I'm falling from cloud nine

I'm wide awake
Thunder rumbling
Castles crumbling
I'm wide awake
I am trying to hold on
I'm wide awake
God knows that I tried
Seeing the bright side
I'm wide awake
I'm not blind anymore...

I'm wide awake
I'm wide awake

[Chorus]
Yeah, I'm falling from cloud nine (it was out of the blue)
I'm crashing from the high
You know I'm letting go tonight (yeah, I'm letting you go)
I'm falling from cloud nine

I'm wide awake
I'm wide awake
I'm wide awake
I'm wide awake
I'm wide awake


Me-BW Him - WH
Married 6 years, together 13+ years
D-Day Summer 2013
children-3
If it is what it is then what is it?

**If I edit I'm correcting a typo!**


Posts: 277 | Registered: Aug 2013
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 3:05 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Been there, actually exactly 4 yrs ago this month. It was blissful for awhile then the cold wind blew back. He became distant again, sex became more and more sparse, his shitty angry attitude resurfaced. Mine was back in the A, well I shouldnt say back in, I doubt if he was out of it for very long if at all. I hated that feeling. It was like he was slipping out of our M again. The last thing.I said before I agreed to try R was, if your not in it for the long haul, if you don't want to be here, please don't fuck with my heart because if I let you back in it and your not being real, it will never be open to you again. He pissed us away....again.

[This message edited by Ostrich80 at 3:08 PM, October 15th (Tuesday)]


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..divorced slut who prefers committed men, specializing in befriending and bopping the fathers of her kids team mates
Status..%&$#@?$

Posts: 3974 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
seenow
♀ Member
Member # 40720
Default  Posted: 3:13 PM, October 15th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Proceed with caution. I like that. It sucks now we have to be guarded and watchful. No longer innocent and open. Affairs sure change everything.


ME: BS mid 40's
Him: WH mid 40's
DDay 5/13
LTA 5 years, ONS.
married 19 years, together 24 yrs
1 kiddo

Posts: 212 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: mountain west
Topic Posts: 4

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