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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I am pregnant...... :(
topperoff22
♀ Member
Member # 40762
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, and Kalliopeia, that was one of the more cruel things I read and I'm over 2 years out.

It didn't bother me--made me laugh a little about the "You people" She's drawing from her own pain. Understandable she felt the need to lash out.

[This message edited by topperoff22 at 4:25 PM, October 16th (Wednesday)]


BS - Me 36
WS - Him 35 (almost 36)
Child: son, 6; just learned one on way
DDAY - July 24, 2013 (thousands spent on ex girlfriend)
DDAY2 -Aug. 3, 2013 (proof he slept with her)
R is slow going after TT for 1 month

Posts: 316 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: US
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Awwww.....the timing may be difficult but whether planned or not a baby is an innocent. He/she will bring you joy.

Congrats and strength. It is a difficult time, but there is a reason...


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3775 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Kalliopeia
♀ Member
Member # 35053
Default  Posted: 1:26 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's not cruel. Truth is often painful to hear.

And spidergirl YOU should have sucked it. But clearly your intention was to do what my ex exwife did.

Add another innocent to the stew of filth you already have and injure another soul.

Your life. I'm out.

[This message edited by Kalliopeia at 1:27 PM, October 16th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 478 | Registered: Mar 2012
ICECOLD
♀ New Member
Member # 40258
Default  Posted: 1:26 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not trying to make you feel bad but while Kalliopeia's words and tone was incredibly harsh, I don't think babies are accidents.

unprotected sex = babies

HB is not an excuse, only lack of planning and forethought is. I very rarely believe there is a such thing as an accidental pregnancy.

as adult we learn how to think ahead to consequences that may happen from our actions to protect ourselves and our children, and future potential children.

Being put in this horrible situation made me super vigilant with my Birth Control. I'm not trying to bring a child in this situation when I'm barely treading water myself. Why put further strain on yourself and marriage while trying to fix it? Ofcourse I've read about poster who do it, but I'd rather not.

like the other posters said, you take everything as it comes. One day at a time

ETA - Kalliopeia and I posted at the same time on her second post, so i did see it after i reponded.

[This message edited by ICECOLD at 1:37 PM, October 16th (Wednesday)]


"If you think the grass is greener on the other side, it's because it's fertilized with bullshit."

"If you think the grass is greener, you're welcome to take a hike"

BS:47
WS:45
Kids

R: one foot in, and one foot out


Posts: 50 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Atlanta GA
hobbeskat
♀ Member
Member # 38805
Default  Posted: 1:28 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, her tone was more than pretty harsh. Stew of filth. Nice.

Topperoff2, I wish you very best.


Posts: 306 | Registered: Mar 2013
TheAmazingWondertwin
♀ Member
Member # 40769
Default  Posted: 1:35 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just hugs for you.
I wish you some peace and strength right now.


Everyday is a new day, some good, some bad.
Me- BS 39
Him- FWS
14 years- 2 middle school children
DDay- 07-24-2013
NC broken from August 6- 24, 2013
Avalanche of Truth on November 14, 2013
Length of A: June 10th to Dday- with broken NC

Posts: 474 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: East Coast
SpiderGrl
♀ Member
Member # 40157
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Whew... I was pissed for about a minute until I realized that you Kal, are horribly bitter. Good luck with that. The only soul injured here is yours. While I am hurt as hell, I'm not compromised and my children born and otherwise are awesome. None of my experiences will break me. I will pray for you and your soul that you don't ruin your whole life by spewing darkness to make up for the wrongs done to you.


Me 36- BW
Him 37- WH 6 month EA pushing PA.
DDAY- 7/2/13
Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will. -Gandhi
Pls forgive weird sentences and spelling mistakes, I post from my phone and autocorrect hates me.

Posts: 101 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: US
SpiderGrl
♀ Member
Member # 40157
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry for the t/j. Won't happen again.


Me 36- BW
Him 37- WH 6 month EA pushing PA.
DDAY- 7/2/13
Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will. -Gandhi
Pls forgive weird sentences and spelling mistakes, I post from my phone and autocorrect hates me.

Posts: 101 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: US
Hrtbrken1
♀ Member
Member # 33802
Default  Posted: 1:54 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Seriously, when did a thread for support turn into a lecture about birth control?

Jeez people, we're all in the boat together. Why come on here and lecture after the fact has happened? You CAN get pregnant while being very careful on birth control, so there is always a risk.


Me-BW
Him-WH
Together 16 years, married 10.
DDay 07/26/2011, 8 month EA/PA with friend of our family. Months of TT.
DDay#2 Early spring 2012, confirmed EA with another woman.

Posts: 138 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Sunny South
Hrtbrken1
♀ Member
Member # 33802
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Add another innocent to the stew of filth you already have and injure another soul.

My HB baby is very much loved, thank you very much.

Kal, I know you're hurting. I've read your posts, and also the advice people have given you.We're all hurting, one way or another. Don't take your pain out on other people, please. Everyone has the right for support, just like it's been given to you.


Me-BW
Him-WH
Together 16 years, married 10.
DDay 07/26/2011, 8 month EA/PA with friend of our family. Months of TT.
DDay#2 Early spring 2012, confirmed EA with another woman.

Posts: 138 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Sunny South
musiclovingmom
♀ Member
Member # 38207
Default  Posted: 3:07 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Topper - I had a positive pregnancy test the day before dday. I was honestly blindsided by both. My H and I are 14 months from dday today and we have a beautiful, healthy 6 month old boy. We are in a really decent place in our marriage and we made it here even with my crazy Prego woman hormones. Hugs to you!!

And this:

I very rarely believe there is a such thing as an accidental pregnancy.

is something I used to believe too. Until I conceived twice while vigilantly taking my birth control. The same birth control I only took sporadically with my ex husband and had to completely stop for 3 months before we conceived. So, now, I can say with assurance that birth control fails even when taken correctly.



Posts: 1010 | Registered: Jan 2013
neverdidithink
♀ Member
Member # 40568
Default  Posted: 3:31 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((topperoff22))) I hope as you digest this news it brings you much happiness.


Me: BW 52
Him: WH 55
Married 8 years
4 20-something his and hers kids

Trying to understand the behavior of some people is like trying to smell the color 9


Posts: 284 | Registered: Sep 2013
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Red  Posted: 4:13 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kalliopeia & SpiderGrl,

Clearly this thread is upsetting you, we are requesting you stay off it to not further hurt other people.

Everyone, please stay on topic for topperoff.

Thank you.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 4:37 PM, October 16th (Wednesday)]


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 196546 | Registered: May 2002
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 4:16 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Topper, there is never a perfect time to have a baby. My own DD was 8 months old when DDay hit. As hard as it was to navigate the pain of betrayal while taking care of a little one, she was a shining light in a dark time.

You are going to be ok, and you are going to have a lot of love and smiles in your life soon enough.

(((topperoff22)))


We are what we repeatedly do, excellence, then is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle

Posts: 16455 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
topperoff22
♀ Member
Member # 40762
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Add another innocent to the stew of filth you already have and injure another soul.

I am so sorry for your pain. I realize you are in a great deal and I don't blame you at all. I'm sure that's what it looks like to you. I believe in a God that has plans for our lives and I believe this is part of his plan.

Yes, you and the other person here, can criticize me for not using protection, but for medical reasons I can not take birth control. In addition, my husband and I did know there was a risk, but it was not something we decided on and were trying for. We knew the moment I looked at my calendar and when we'd had sex this was a possibility. I know some like to make me feel stupid, but I know where babies come from. We have an almost 7 year old too. I refuse to say we made a MISTAKE because NO BABY IS A MISTAKE. I will stand on that. Do I wish we had been more careful in this stressful time in our marriage? Sure.

But we weren't and we are married and we are working on reconciliation and we will continue to do that to make sure this innocent soul is not harmed. Not only that but I believe God will protect this innocent soul the same way he has me, our son, and even my WH as he finds his way back from a deep, dark pit that he put himself in.

I'll be thinking of you and even of what you've said. However, what's happened has happened and I will adjust to it and I'm sure I'll even find joy, as I'm already starting to.


BS - Me 36
WS - Him 35 (almost 36)
Child: son, 6; just learned one on way
DDAY - July 24, 2013 (thousands spent on ex girlfriend)
DDAY2 -Aug. 3, 2013 (proof he slept with her)
R is slow going after TT for 1 month

Posts: 316 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: US
topperoff22
♀ Member
Member # 40762
Default  Posted: 4:31 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Additional thought...I don't believe I said this was an accident at any point. I don't feel it was an accident...just as my husband sleeping with an ex girlfriend didn't "just happen". However, it was not a planned out event where we said "Get in here and jump me....I"m ovulating and I want a baby."


BS - Me 36
WS - Him 35 (almost 36)
Child: son, 6; just learned one on way
DDAY - July 24, 2013 (thousands spent on ex girlfriend)
DDAY2 -Aug. 3, 2013 (proof he slept with her)
R is slow going after TT for 1 month

Posts: 316 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: US
libertyrocks
♀ Member
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 4:54 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You should be so blessed Topperoff. Things DO happen for a reason. I know some women who have spend 10's of thousands and decades trying to have a little bundle of joy. Enjoy your little bun in the oven. :) Good luck, sweetie!

Remember, you're a warrior. That baby feels what you feel. Your body comes second now. You've already sacrificed your heart and we all know how freaking hard that is. Now baby needs you to take care of yourself.

[This message edited by libertyrocks at 4:54 PM, October 16th (Wednesday)]


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,alcoholic, suspected NPD SA. 2 boys. M 6yrs T13.
DDay #1 Nov, 2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (all W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan, 2014
Filed for D Feb, 2014.He will cheat again. But, It wont be on me.

Posts: 923 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 4:59 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi again topperoff22.

Just pondering the various responses to your post...then thinking about my own sitch.

Several years ago I changed my perspective...I use to compare myself to others (my dad, my co-workers, my production compared to the guy I replaced, etc.). It never satisfied me....and, sometimes, I listened to "others" and fell short of what I could have accomplished. After a few of these situations and expressing my frustration of them to my wife I decided a change was in order.


I switched to comparing myself to my potential. It is far more fullfilling, and a bit scary....it is hard to find the edge of "enough is enough"....because many times I kept going once I thought I was "done".

I dont know what type of comparisons you have done in your life...but it appears to me you have great potential and may have the courage to fully test it.

All of us on this site are showing courage to move past societys limit of "Your wife cheated? Cut your losses and move on!" What if we listened to people who said "She did what to you?!? After all you have done for her?!?!"? I tell you what would have happened for me....I would be D right now, or at least in the process there of. I would have missed growing to my potential...have grown so much since I did not listen to societys message. I would have fallen short again if I had not changed my perspective.

You mentioned you would like to know Gods plan....me too! I selfishly pray I know more of the plan then I do...try not to, but I do. My faith is new and far from perfect.

I dont know if it is His plan for my M to survive, but He has shown me how I can improve myself to be better equipped to fill out the plan He has for me. We all have a plan to fulfill...yours includes being pregnant again.

We are all perfectly incomplete. These challenges help complete us...it hurts like hell (I am trekking through the Ozark mountains, fishing some of my favorite old streams...this is my "comfort food" sort of thing, and I have still spontaneously cried today...so I still hurt daily), but we are all growing into what our potential is.

God be with you and your little one and all of us always.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 5:16 PM, October 16th (Wednesday)]


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3411 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
topperoff22
♀ Member
Member # 40762
Default  Posted: 6:16 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Topper, there is never a
perfect time to have a baby. My own DD was 8 months old when DDay hit. As hard as it was to navigate the pain of betrayal while taking care of a little one, she was a shining light in a dark time.
You are going to be ok, and you are going to have a lot of love and smiles in your life soon enough.

SO true! Thank you!


BS - Me 36
WS - Him 35 (almost 36)
Child: son, 6; just learned one on way
DDAY - July 24, 2013 (thousands spent on ex girlfriend)
DDAY2 -Aug. 3, 2013 (proof he slept with her)
R is slow going after TT for 1 month

Posts: 316 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: US
topperoff22
♀ Member
Member # 40762
Default  Posted: 6:18 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I dont know if it is His plan for my M to survive, but He has shown me how I can improve myself to be better equipped to fill out the plan He has for me. We all have a plan to fulfill...yours includes being pregnant again.

We are all perfectly incomplete. These challenges help complete us...it hurts like hell (I am trekking through the Ozark mountains, fishing some of my favorite old streams...this is my "comfort food" sort of thing, and I have still spontaneously cried today...so I still hurt daily), but we are all growing into what our potential is.

Your words are a blessing to me. I trust you show this same kindness to your WW . . . I hope she has recognized how lucky she is to have you. My WH is starting to speak the way you do and it's so welcome. I hope it continues!


I'll keep you in my prayers.


BS - Me 36
WS - Him 35 (almost 36)
Child: son, 6; just learned one on way
DDAY - July 24, 2013 (thousands spent on ex girlfriend)
DDAY2 -Aug. 3, 2013 (proof he slept with her)
R is slow going after TT for 1 month

Posts: 316 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: US
Topic Posts: 49
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