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User Topic: Just Leave Me Alone OW
changedforlife
♀ Member
Member # 38474
Angry  Posted: 2:04 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I posted previously about the OW sending me a message on FB from a fake account(I have her account blocked)saying that WH sent her a text recently. She included a copy of the text but the number was a weird number (8 digits)and the message was pretty basic so I was unable to confirm if it was true or not. I did ask WH and he denied it and I could not find any evidence. Her message also sounded full of spite. I did not reply to the message and blocked her fake account.

Well, low and behold, I got another message yesterday from OW from another fake account. This one again with a copy of a text from a similar weird number. The user name this time is part of one of his secret accounts that he has since closed but she would know it. The message is again very basic but really doesn't sound like something he would say. At the time it says it was sent, WH was in bed and I am almost positive that he was sleeping but I cannot be sure. This time she says in her message that I deserve more and then asks if he is out of town as that is when he broke NC previously.

Then she adds on to the message, "If his actions don't bother you anymore then I will leave you alone. I just thought you might want to know. Sorry. Please advise."

UMMMM, I blocked your other 2 FB accounts, dipshit! What do you think? I have considered having a lawyer send a letter to OW but I really cannot afford to spend the money. Should I send a message to her saying to stop contacting me? I have never sent one stating that yet. I have always just ignored but maybe I should send one stating that in case I do end up needing a lawyer. It will be hard to keep from telling her exactly what I think of her in the message. Perhaps I should send her a message back with a copy of the photo she sent my WH of her chest and bra and copy it to her parents. Would she get the hint then?

I have not told WH about this message, yet. I checked his phone but could not find any evidence.

That is now 3 messages in the last 3 months each one almost exactly one month apart. I only noticed this because the first one occurred near my birthday (almost exactly one month since most recent NC) and WH pointed out that the second one was almost exactly one month later.

I don't need CRAZY in my life.


Me - BS/Him - WH (in our 40's)
Together 21 years/ 1 preschooler
D-day - Jan 24/13 He confessed about affair.
Broken NC -Feb 7-22,Feb 28,March 6
Continued Contact up to July 16
D-DAY 2-July 19 FALSE R!

Posts: 132 | Registered: Feb 2013
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 2:09 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds very bunny boiler. If you've investigated to your satisfaction I would write this off as she's trying to do more damage to your marriage.

NC is usually the way to go here, but I might just ping back a blurb saying that she is never to contact you again and your lawyer is drafting a restraining order should she do so. Then crickets. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this crap. Hopefully the threat of litigation wakes her up.


It is better to be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie. -Russian Proverb

Posts: 17078 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
ajsmom
♀ Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 2:45 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Spend the money and have a cease and desist letter sent.

Nothing says "Back off, bitch!" quite like a law firm's letterhead.


ETA:

That is now 3 messages in the last 3 months each one almost exactly one month apart.

Hmmm...me womanly parts thinks her womanly parts are in full force around these times.

AJ's MOM

[This message edited by ajsmom at 2:47 PM, October 16th (Wednesday)]


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21041 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
changedforlife
♀ Member
Member # 38474
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you Jrazz and ajsmom.

I would love to have a lawyer send a letter but may have to just go with a short, firm "Do not contact me again" message for now.

ajsmom - I'm not sure why I didn't think of that!


Me - BS/Him - WH (in our 40's)
Together 21 years/ 1 preschooler
D-day - Jan 24/13 He confessed about affair.
Broken NC -Feb 7-22,Feb 28,March 6
Continued Contact up to July 16
D-DAY 2-July 19 FALSE R!

Posts: 132 | Registered: Feb 2013
Truly
♀ Member
Member # 40715
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I'm so sorry and am sending you MASSIVE ((((((hugs)))))) and commiserations because I too, have one of these. I call this one, the BBC...the BB stands for Bunny Boiler the C is actually the first letter of her 'Christian' name but I often replace that...

After 18 months of silence I received an Fb message from the BBC mid Sept...and now I'm spinning again.

I agree with AJ's mum, you could send a NC letter from a lawyer but we have found that it doesn't necessarily work

BUT the INSTANT you receive ANYTHING in the post, go straight to lawyer and/or police. They can't do anything (not threatening life etc) but at least it's logged.

The things I want to say to that 'woman' are unprintable but I can't; I have to just send crickets...and I do...have done for years. But still she tries.
I now know that she is more broken than the rest of us put together.

You are better than her in a myriad of ways and remember:

There's no point in arguing with an idiot, they'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience! ;o)

PS. Spending today wishing Fb would spontaneously erase the accounts of all cheaters, forever x


There are dark shadows on the earth, but its lights are stronger in the contrast.
Charles Dickens


Posts: 257 | Registered: Sep 2013
Lovedyoumore
♀ Member
Member # 35593
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do not feed the vampire. She will continue popping up for her feast if you feed it. Give her nothing.


Me 52
WH 52
Married 30+ years
Together trying to R

I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.


Posts: 1458 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Southern, bless your heart
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 4:10 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So if you don't want to go the ACTUAL lawyer route I still strongly suggest that you IMPLY that the law is watching her, if you get my meaning.


It is better to be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie. -Russian Proverb

Posts: 17078 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
crestfallen
♀ Member
Member # 27993
Default  Posted: 4:24 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We have a psycho OW..she's butt dialed me and spoofed called us and *67s her number....you name it, she does it.

After the first butt dialing incident, I called her back and told her that we were ready to press charges if her number ever appeared on our caller id at work, home or cell phone numbers or if she attempted to contact and of our children..(she knows them through summer employment.)

She then switched to blocked calls and spoof calling. It was truly disgusting how often she was calling our home number using my old cell phone number. We did consult a lawyer, but ultimately decided the best thing to do was NOTHING! Not to let her know she was bothering us at all. She is dead to both of us...the best revenge is living well.

Fast forward to last Friday night...two unknown calls in the car on my husbands cell phone. Came through on the blue tooth and I answered..... We both burst out laughing at her. Wouldn't ya know, later that night I had a spoof call on my cell phone.

We both decided that was going to be our response...to just laugh!

[This message edited by crestfallen at 4:25 PM, October 16th (Wednesday)]


BS-me-57
WH-57
Married 32 years
OW-Mr. Ed ish! Seriously!
DDAY- 2/21/09
TT until 1/10/10
Working on R and doing well!!

Posts: 179 | Registered: Mar 2010
headdesk
♀ Member
Member # 40787
Default  Posted: 6:50 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As with anything legalish - document, document, document. Have copies of everything that you can, log with date/time what phone calls or other things happened. Even if you don't need to use the logs, it is great insurance.


Me: 39
WH: 42
DDay:Sep 19 2013 (only TT of EA)
Oct 4th 2013 revealed PA through snooping.
Marred 16 years, together for 20. Looking to R at this time. We have awesome kids (12/14).

Posts: 273 | Registered: Sep 2013
LeopoldB
♂ Member
Member # 40606
Default  Posted: 7:39 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I freely admit that there are a lot of immature, idiotic, fucked up men in the world - - and oddly enough, a lot of really nice women here have somehow married or become intimate with them.

But there is also an entire other planet populated by OWs who put the loony in loony bin. Bunny boiler (although symbolic and visually compelling) does not begin to cover all the evil things these women are capable of doing. I cannot understand how they can hold down a job.


Posts: 196 | Registered: Sep 2013
emotionalgirl
♀ Member
Member # 40184
Default  Posted: 10:12 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would recommend that you send her a registered letter that she has to sign for stating that you are requesting a from NC and that this is the final communication you will have with her. No room for her to be able to say she didn't get the message.


1st D day: Saturday July 20,2013
2nd D day....when the s**t really hit the fan and the truth came out.Saturday August 3,2013
3rd D day: Friday August 16, 2013...NC sent Friday Aug 30 4th D day NOV 11
Me: BS
Him: WH
Married 25 years....finally in R

Posts: 373 | Registered: Aug 2013
Holly-Isis
♀ Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 5:05 AM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It seems pathetic, but not bunny boiler level yet. Bunny boiler would be knowing if he was out of town without asking you.

Maybe you can reply that you know at the time the message was sent, he was in bed...but not asleep.
Perhaps it came from another of her paramours. Given the circumstances you don't want contact again.

I know, I know, don't feed the bear.


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11134 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
NeverAgain2013
♀ Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 10:57 AM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have to be honest here. I read lots of relationship boards and one or two OW 'support boards,' and you'd be surprised at HOW many of them still get random messages from their ex married men, even years after the affair. Some of these guys are fishing around to see if they're missed by their ex OW, and some are looking for some validation or ego strokes, and some are even hoping to reconnect and get a little action on the side again.

There are SO many ways for people to secretly contact each other nowadays - just the multitude of apps on cell phones ALONE boggles the mind. I keep reading about texting apps that people are using on their phones now which allow you to text like normal except it's NOT going through your billing account as a normal text so there's no history of the exchanges on your cell phone bills. There are chat apps now which don't get put on your bill, and some other app that sends pictures that self destruct after so many seconds.

As much as I hate to say it ChangedForLife, finding nothing on his cell phone or finding nothing in your detailed phone billing is unfortunately no longer a guarantee that that he's not contacting her.

I just want to be sure that you've considered this very real possibility before you automatically assume the OW is just a bunny boiler or is merely trying to 'cause trouble' and making things up.

I'm a firm believer in 'trust, but VERIFY.'

Good luck to you.


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1723 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
changedforlife
♀ Member
Member # 38474
Default  Posted: 8:10 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks again everyone!

Truly- (((Hugs)))back to you as well! Sorry that your are still dealing with contact from the OW. They have no shame! I have that same quote pinned to my Pinterest board. And the funny thing is I know OW has been checking out my Pinterest account because she accidentally followed one of my boards. I hope she saw that pin!

Jrazz- I totally get your meaning.

Crestfallen- I love your response to her call!

Headdesk- I have been keeping a record just in case.

LeopoldB- I agree! After reading some of the things other OWs have done, I guess I should be thankful I don't have to deal with all that.

Emotionalgirl- That's a great idea!

Holly-Isis- I actually agree. She is a pathetic person but not to the bunny boiler level that I have read of some other OWs on here. Luckily, OW lives on the other side of the country which maybe helps. BTW, I love your idea on the timing!

NeverAgain2013- I appreciate your honesty. I know the availability of secret texting apps is rampant and that just because I couldn't find any evidence does not mean that he didn't do it. Especially with WHs many broken NCs, I am very wary and still verifying what I can.
My main issue with OW contacting me is that I cannot trust OW either. When she first contacted me, she blamed me for the affair and the breakup of her marriage. Her next message was bitter about my WH and I still being together. Now this one she is trying to sound like she is my friend and that I "deserve more". UGH! I have no words. (Actually I have a lot of words for OW)

So, I really do appreciate you taking the time and being honest. And it has all crossed my mind as well. I have few illusions left.


Me - BS/Him - WH (in our 40's)
Together 21 years/ 1 preschooler
D-day - Jan 24/13 He confessed about affair.
Broken NC -Feb 7-22,Feb 28,March 6
Continued Contact up to July 16
D-DAY 2-July 19 FALSE R!

Posts: 132 | Registered: Feb 2013
Topic Posts: 14

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