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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: facebook om & obs - to block or not?
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have to admit, I do keep up with them, but should I just block them or keep up? It's not obsessive, but it certainly isn't a positive thing. FWW blocked them both. She said I should too.

He friended all her friends which pisses me off, but what can I do.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1240 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would block them both.

Posts: 33965 | Registered: Mar 2011
IGaveItMyAll
♂ Member
Member # 38622
Default  Posted: 4:21 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Block them both. When you block them they can't see any of your feeds or phtots either. That way to OM can't keep up with your life/wife behind the scenes.


ME-BS 34
FWW-28
M 6 Yrs
DDAY- 8/20/12
R

Posts: 332 | Registered: Mar 2013
OnAnIsland
♀ Member
Member # 34319
Default  Posted: 4:22 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Block them both. It is a healthy step for you and protects your family from people who are not a part of it.


D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013

Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful boys in elementary school

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou


Posts: 1477 | Registered: Dec 2011
nekokamisama
♂ New Member
Member # 38695
Default  Posted: 4:44 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Definitely block them both. You don't need the extra drama.


Me: BS/FWH 46
Her: FWW/BS 39
OM: 32 3-month EA/PA
Married: 11 years
2 Sons: 7,19

D-Day 2004 (my EA/PA, her EA almost PA)
D-Day 2005 (her EA)
D-Day 8/28/2012 (TT her EA)
D-Day #2 7/22/2013 (more TT)
D-Day #3 7/24/2013 (Truth 2.0 EA/ PA)
In R


Posts: 13 | Registered: Mar 2013
libertyrocks
♀ Member
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 4:46 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For no drama, period. Delete both your accounts. I did. It was the best thing I ever did. No more obsessing or temptation of obsessing about my hurt. But, that's just me. See no evil, hear no evil.


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,alcoholic, suspected NPD SA. 2 boys. M 6yrs T13.
DDay #1 Nov, 2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (all W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan, 2014
Filed for D Feb, 2014.He will cheat again. But, It wont be on me.

Posts: 924 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
LadyLove
♀ Member
Member # 40664
Default  Posted: 6:13 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH deactivated his account on his own but I still have mine. OW also friended his friends & family. OW can't see my friends list & any mutual friends we may have had were deleted on my end on DD. I have not blocked the ow, if she wants to creep on my page whatevs. She's only hurting herself, seeing him with me & that he's happy (lucky) to be where he is. Although I am selective about what's public and what's not. Living well is the best revenge imo.

[This message edited by LadyLove at 10:05 PM, October 21st (Monday)]


BW - 46 (me)
WH - 48 Ladyslove
Don't know if I can live with it.

Posts: 77 | Registered: Sep 2013
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 6:17 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My advice, and my opinion would be to block them both, and pretend like they no longer exist. The goal here is indifference towards them, and irrelevance to your daily lives.


"I would rather take a punch than not give you a shot. I'd rather find out who you are than who you're not."

Posts: 6282 | Registered: Dec 2010
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 6:22 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NC, NC, NC. That's best for you.


fBH (me) - 65+, fWW (her) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 9773 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 6:41 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

k...blocked them both. It's hard ya know cause it's almost like you're letting them go without that one last display of disapproval about what happened.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1240 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 7:00 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

they are not worth your time. your focus needs to be on you and your family.


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2578 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 9:49 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's hard ya know cause it's almost like you're letting them go without that one last display of disapproval about what happened.

Yep. I know. It's worth it in the long term, though. I really thing you did the right thing.

Here's the way I looked at it: looking at pictures of them on my computer in my house was in a way letting part of them into my house. Now they are no longer welcome.

Good job, 2married. I am hoping this brings you some additional peace, like it did to me.


"I would rather take a punch than not give you a shot. I'd rather find out who you are than who you're not."

Posts: 6282 | Registered: Dec 2010
bionicgal
♀ Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 9:53 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have 50+ mutual friends with the OW on facebook. She'll still see stuff I post on their walls, correct? If I block, can I see her public stuff?


me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is more like a mental break than a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.


Posts: 1768 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
kickboxer
♀ Member
Member # 39858
Default  Posted: 12:07 AM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH had an account with 150-ish friends...I told him he had to close every possible door -- could not remain FB friends with anyone that could serve as a link to anyone he's every crossed a boundary with at anytime, ever.

He deleted that account completely and opened a new one.

He now has about 40 friends.

That's a lot of freaking doors.


BW - 42 (Me)
WH - 39 (2 ONS, 6m EA)
Married 13 years, 3 children
DD: 7/13/13
Status: Rugsweeping, I guess.

Posts: 248 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere Out There
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 11:27 AM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bionicgal - FB changes their settings ALL the times. So blocking doesn't guarantee anything anymore. However, if a friend of you and your spouse posts of photo of you two, everyone can see, including OW. This royally SUCKS and it has been the issue we have been having.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1240 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
AFrayedKnot
♂ Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 11:35 AM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We both unfriended every mutual friend of the OM.

Unfortunate casualties of this stupid shit. So long....


BS 39
fWS 36 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2527 | Registered: Aug 2012
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Red  Posted: 3:54 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LadyLove,

Please note the Reconciliation Forum guidelines:

A wonderful place to share your struggles, success stories and triggers while trying to reconcile.It's a long road, but you can do it! There is to be no venting about or name calling the OP in this forum.

Thank you.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 36686 | Registered: Sep 2007
Silentthoughts
♀ Member
Member # 40289
Default  Posted: 4:06 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I deactivated my FB right after I got caught. Bh made me and I did. Cant say I was overly happy at the time because FB had nothing to do with what I did, but I only missed it for a few months and now could care less. Bh decided to deactivate his account a few months ago. Getting rid of FB has been a good thing for our marriage.


WW - early 50s (me)
BH - late 40s
3 grown children
Married 25 years
Online cyber sex dec 2010. I got caught late dec 2010. Lying and TT until full disclosure jan 2011.
In R we both are committed to staying in this M.

Posts: 76 | Registered: Aug 2013
LadyLove
♀ Member
Member # 40664
Default  Posted: 10:04 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

authenticnow - sorry I slipped


BW - 46 (me)
WH - 48 Ladyslove
Don't know if I can live with it.

Posts: 77 | Registered: Sep 2013
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 4:47 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No worries .


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 36686 | Registered: Sep 2007
Topic Posts: 22
Pages: 1 · 2

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