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User Topic: Self fulfilling prophecy?
WhatsRight
♀ Member
Member # 35417
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

From the beginning of my WH withdrawal from me - a good 2 - 3 years before dday, I have had in the back of my mind the following regarding my panic and desperation about 'reconnecting' in light of his lack of effort towards that end...

"What if I wait, and wait and wait - and when he is finally ready to 'work on things' (if that ever happens) - I just don't have the care to try?"

I have been doing all I can to search out books, counselors, try to do the Relationship Rescue workbood, talk about it, etc. Nothing from him.

Now, he seems to be trying the tinyest bit - starting conversations (not about infidelity), being polite ('thanks for the ride' if I take him to work), etc.

And I am not impressed. I just want to go to bed when he comes home. I want to avoid. I guess he has taught me well.

But, I was wondering if I am growing cold towards him because this has been my fear...self fulfilling prophecy? - or just because I am exceptionally intelligent and knew this would (might) happen.

Any thoughts?

I believe our thoughts can predict and even change our outcomes - I wonder if that is the case now in my situation? I sort of hope so - so if other things were to go 'right', I could maybe turn it around.

Also, by the way, that thing about the politeness gripes me. When you take your spouse to work, don't you expect a "Have a nice day" or "Thanks babe" - NOT "Thanks for the ride". It sounds like I am a friend and I saw him walking on the side of the road and gave him a lift! Is it splitting hairs?

I can't decide if he is responding to my urging for us to be cordial to each other, or if he is just biding his time till he can make an exit.

Of course, if the first part of this post is real, I shouldn't care!

Lord have mercy!


"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy


Posts: 1889 | Registered: Apr 2012
breakingpoint
♀ Member
Member # 40963
Default  Posted: 4:59 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hmmm. If you are dissecting the small talk, than I would assume your aren't getting the connection you need for R.

I too think our thoughts can guide our lives BUT they can't guide his choices. If God hasn't mastered the art of controlling free will, we have no hope of doing it :)

It can control YOUR state of mind, and personal quality of life. But remember, your happiness does not depend on him. Work on your own healing. If he decides to join in on the journey-great! But if not, than he will live continuing to be broken. All his choice, all his consequence.


Posts: 115 | Registered: Oct 2013
WhatsRight
♀ Member
Member # 35417
Default  Posted: 6:00 AM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If he decides to join in on the journey-great! But if not, than he will live continuing to be broken. All his choice, all his consequence.

Thank you. But if we stay married, then it is not exactly all his consequences.

Its hard to live with him and not be effected by him.


"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy


Posts: 1889 | Registered: Apr 2012
Topic Posts: 3

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