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Newest Member: heartbrokenmrsj (44312)

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User Topic: OW's obituary - Vent
only once
Member
Member # 18835
Default  Posted: 11:01 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I often wonder why it is that we who have been victims of infidelity seem to find fault with the OW. I just feel that I never married her so that means thAt my husband is the one that should be getting the brunt of the karma bus.


Me BS 54
Him 54 FWS
D-day Oct 19/07

Posts: 478 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Canada
EasyDoesIt
♀ Member
Member # 29514
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I often wonder why it is that we who have been victims of infidelity seem to find fault with the OW. I just feel that I never married her so that means thAt my husband is the one that should be getting the brunt of the karma bus.

Because oftentimes they're fully aware that they're going after a supposedly 'committed' person, someone in a marriage. And they know damn good and well that it's wrong. If what they're doing is OK, they certainly wouldn't try to hide it, would they?

Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.

Yes, the WS needs to get hit by the Karma bus too, without a doubt. My friend who was the OW and broke up a marriage is now married (ten years) to the guy who cheated on his wife with her. And guess what? She just came down with Herpes. I guess maybe her spousal unit isn't being faithful. Now, THERE'S a shocker. Not.


Anything less than full disclosure and total transparency is pure bullshit. WARNING! No emotional pollution allowed.

Posts: 3688 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Georgia
scared&stronger
♀ Member
Member # 15942
Default  Posted: 7:57 PM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I often wonder why it is that we who have been victims of infidelity seem to find fault with the OW. I just feel that I never married her so that means thAt my husband is the one that should be getting the brunt of the karma bus.

I think the answer to your question is that we are not the same people. What you feel is based on your life experiences and how you view your life. What I think is right for my is based on my experiences and how I view my life.

I am not one who believes that fWH is responsible for anything other than his actions. I also believe HER actions that affected me are 100% her responsibility. She didn't break any marital vows to be but she did break into my family because she not only knew me but my children.

I would say what works for you is what you should do as what works for me is what I need to do.


WS 45
BS 43

Met when we were 17 and 15. Together since 1983, married since 1985. Two kids, B21, G15.

d-day 4-3-07

Life has a way of making us get our panties in a wad.....I refuse to wear panties ever again.


Posts: 3956 | Registered: Aug 2007
sunshine226
♀ Member
Member # 38851
Default  Posted: 8:14 PM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

my take on the whole "why blame to OW" is this:

it takes 2 people to cheat, no matter if one or both are married, whether they are honest or not about being married or in a relationship, it still takes 2

And not to get religious but one of the ten commandment is to not commit adultry, again here it takes 2, both parties are responsible for their individual actions in the act of adultry.

So each is to blame, each participated, and one or both are lying and sneaking around behind their spouses back

If it was right, why is it so secretive, why all the cloak and dagger behaviour

They are both to blame for their own actions and therefore the destruction of a marriage and family


Me-BS (44)
Him-WS (47)
DDay 1/1/2012, common law for 22 1/2 years when he began A in September 2011
Status: moving on without him

Posts: 234 | Registered: Mar 2013
ICECOLD
♀ New Member
Member # 40258
Default  Posted: 8:16 PM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, If you want to talk about how horrible the OW's obituary looks, I would love to read about the awesome WS's.

The selfish person who took a vow to you and spat on you, your history and family vs the selfish person with no self esteem who settles for bread crumbs and leave destruction in their wake?

I'm not going vilify one without the other. It takes 2 to tango.

But I know some people have to tell themselves certain things on here to be able to stay and cope with the sh*t sandwich the WS (not OW) handed to them


"If you think the grass is greener on the other side, it's because it's fertilized with bullshit."

"If you think the grass is greener, you're welcome to take a hike"

BS:47
WS:45
Kids

R: one foot in, and one foot out


Posts: 50 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Atlanta GA
summerain
♀ Member
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage



I often wonder why it is that we who have been victims of infidelity seem to find fault with the OW. I just feel that I never married her so that means thAt my husband is the one that should be getting the brunt of the karma bus.

Because only a disgusting pathetic lowlife would care so fucking little about another human being or enjoy taking something that isn't theirs.

I have never treated another human being so terribly. Or showed so little respect of caring.

And I can't imagine a circumstance when I will.

Do I hate them, with time less and less. I don't love them, i certainly dont owe them anything why would I have any different feelings?

I saw main ow FOR THREE FUCKING YEARS

Do you know how long she tried to get in my who's pants
THREE FUCKING YEARS

When did she succeed? NEVER but she got really close at two years and four months.

So yeah fuck her I hope she dies from a slow fucking torture


OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
HurtButHopeful?
♀ Member
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 8:46 PM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She received her BA at the University of Headuptheass, her MA at the University if F*ck'emover and her PhD in Pretzel Gymnastics with a concentration in Whothebabydaddy.


Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
HurtButHopeful?
♀ Member
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I often wonder why it is that we who have been victims of infidelity seem to find fault with the OW. I just feel that I never married her so that means thAt my husband is the one that should be getting the brunt of the karma bus.
Because my H wasn't looking for an A. OW was a pro, knew how to play the damsel in distress with my lonely, messed up in his head, well meaning KISA. Unbeknownst to my H, OW had seduced her counselor, her father's assistant pastor, who had 7 children, 2 years earlier. Of course MOM#1 went back to his BW when he and OW were caught and he came out of his stupid fog. Same thing happened with my H: he dumped her when the A was outed. He OW (broke their fantasy engagement) and came back to me. Karma bus: OW is D from her own H, trolling desperately for men. I feel badly for her own 4 children, who are being raised by an insecure, man hunting whore, whose Daddy makes excuses for her (he is the pastor of her church.) They are a sick bunch.

end vent.


Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ICECOLD, did you see that in the topic title it said "vent"? If you don't agree, don't read, don't add.

If you don't understand why people need to vent, fine. However, we who need to should be free to do so without having to defend ourselves. Also, why does it bother you so much that people vent about AP's?

No information about you on your profile page, and no identifying tags. I will take your opinion with a giant grain of salt.

Just because this is a vent about OW's doesn't mean we don't vent about our WS's. Why does it have to be either or? I can be just as disgusted by AP's as by WS's.

cope with the sh*t sandwich the WS (not OW) handed to them
How about the sh*t sandwich both handed to us?

AP's are 100% responsible for their actions, too. Decent human beings don't fuck other peoples spouse's. AP's know their actions aren't "right" and that they are hurting innocent people.

I can suggest you start your own thread about the WS's obits if you would like to hear that. I am sure there will be some doozies!


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9408 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
scared&stronger
♀ Member
Member # 15942
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you SisterMilkShake


WS 45
BS 43

Met when we were 17 and 15. Together since 1983, married since 1985. Two kids, B21, G15.

d-day 4-3-07

Life has a way of making us get our panties in a wad.....I refuse to wear panties ever again.


Posts: 3956 | Registered: Aug 2007
EasyDoesIt
♀ Member
Member # 29514
Default  Posted: 11:13 PM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@ SisterMilkShake

:::::::::::::APPLAUSE:::::::::


Anything less than full disclosure and total transparency is pure bullshit. WARNING! No emotional pollution allowed.

Posts: 3688 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Georgia
mchercheur
♀ Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 11:26 PM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But I know some people have to tell themselves certain things on here to be able to stay and cope with the sh*t sandwich the WS (not OW) handed to them

Yes,many BSs are between a rock & a hard place. We still love our spouse, & can not believe they would do this to us.
We have a history with them, children with them. I always thought I would leave if anyone ever did this to me again
( my first husband was also unfaithful to me & that ended that marriage, but we had no kids)
but I had no idea how it would feel to create a family with someone----& it was my decision whether or not to try to keep this family together after Dday. Yes, I have to eat a sh*t sandwich now for the rest of my life. And I have to tell myself certain things to be able to stay & try to cope with that. And it's not fair, because OW gets to go merrily on with her life unscathed. And venting helps.

Well, If you want to talk about how horrible the OW's obituary looks, I would love to read about the awesome WS's

I just read this & tried to think what I would write about WH if I had to write his obit, & it just made me so sad. It was always so important to him to be an honorable person. How could he have done this to himself?


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1337 | Registered: Dec 2012
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