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Newest Member: tryingtolove (44683)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Anyone put their WH through school?
shiloe
♀ Member
Member # 1224
Default  Posted: 8:28 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, WH got caught 2 yrs. ago and I kicked him out. (2nd A). He then filed for D.
He has done nothing to move along divorce or property settlement. NOTHING.
He was unemployed for several years after we were M (I worked full-time) and I then supported him to go to college and I paid for the tuition and books and all expenses. He now has a bachelor degree and professional license and makes a lot of more money than I do.
I went back to school after kicking him out for a 2 yr. degree.
I really want to know how the courts deal with a spouse who supported the other through college and also paid for it (no loans taken out). I want to at least make him pay for my tuition now in the settlement.
Anyone with any experience with the aspect of a D settlement?
How did it go for you?


But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 54
Cheater -54
Married 26 yrs
DD - 21 DD -19 DS-17
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA with married ho-worker. Kicked him out, he filed

Posts: 586 | Registered: Mar 2003
Heal&Deal
♀ Member
Member # 30910
Default  Posted: 8:51 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I supported my XH through a career change requiring he go back to college. His tuition and books were covered through the GI Bill; however, I paid the bills so he could go back. This was inconsequential to my D settlement.

Ask your lawyer, but I sort of doubt you get anything for this. If you have children, his higher income will mean more support for the kids.


Posts: 907 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: USA
courageous
♀ Member
Member # 34477
Default  Posted: 8:54 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well I sort of did. We got married while he was still in school. I am 4 years older so I was already in my career. He had all student loans. $30,000 in student loans. Did I recoup any of that in the divorce? Nope! He was very adamant that I didn't pay for his education. I came into the marriage with a brand new car,money in the bank, and a bright future. I left the marriage making half what I use to and I get more money in child support then I earn. He makes 6 figures and MOW/COW does too. I got screwed royal in the divorce.

Good luck to you.


Me: BW (35)
Him: ExWH (31) EA/PA with MOW coworker
Married 9 years, 2 small kids
dday 3/12/2011 divorced fall 2012

My ipad does a lot of crazy typos.


Posts: 641 | Registered: Jan 2012
shiloe
♀ Member
Member # 1224
Default  Posted: 8:55 PM, October 16th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He only pays CS for DS who will be 18 in April. Then no CS anymore.

I know each state probably looks at this in some way in the settlement, or is it inconsequential?
I know it is pretty common for a spouse to dump the other after attaining a degree while the other worked, even in short term marriages.

[This message edited by shiloe at 8:57 PM, October 16th (Wednesday)]


But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 54
Cheater -54
Married 26 yrs
DD - 21 DD -19 DS-17
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA with married ho-worker. Kicked him out, he filed

Posts: 586 | Registered: Mar 2003
phmh
♀ Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 5:48 AM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did. After we got married (met in college), he told me it was always his dream to go to medical school, but his parents told him he was too stupid, so he didn't think it could happen.

We agreed that I would support him through school, and once he was a full-time doctor, I no longer had to work a demanding, stressful job and could instead volunteer, take a fun job, go back to school, etc. Only I held up my end of the bargain.

I put him through 4 years of medical school, 3 years of residency, and 2 years of fellowship (he did make a small amount of money the last 5 years.) I found out I was losing my job a couple of months before D-Day, and thought it was perfect timing since severance would carry us through.

And then he started sleeping with a married coworker (also a fellow physician) and I got completely screwed. He had to pay me back only a small portion of what I invested in what I thought was our future. I get no maintenance even though he makes more money than I do.

My lawyer told me I probably could have taken my case up the court system somehow, but no guarantee of better results and I might just incur tens of thousands of legal fees. I decided it was best just to move on, but the court system is very unfair to those of us who are responsible. I hope you fare better than me, but my consolation is that he's now out of my life and I never have to feel indebted to him at all, while he is a parasite.


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3312 | Registered: Dec 2011
haysuth01
♀ Member
Member # 29161
Default  Posted: 9:27 AM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My SO put his ex-wife through school while he was in the Army. She got a masters. When he got out, he continued working as a contractor and put himself through school, only getting a bachelor degree. When they split, his lawyer informed him that he could possibly go after alimony from her (for a short period). She had the higher degree and even though she didn't make as much as he did, they considered it higher earning potential.

This was in Texas back in 2006. They were married for 15 years and had no kids. So that was taken into consideration. Luckily for her, their split was very amicable and they mediated with no problems.


XBS
Divorced 5/07.
DS-7! What?!
Happily remarried, B/G twins (5).

Posts: 219 | Registered: Jul 2010
Reality
♀ Member
Member # 39077
Default  Posted: 1:17 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I support us. My WH was almost done with his bachelors when we got married and now is looking at two or three semesters left to graduate from law school.

Our first DD was spring of his gap year between; the second DD was spring semester of first year of law.

It was actually part of the trauma of DD#2 the whole financial situation. WH gets scholarship and grant money, but not anywhere near enough to live on even just for him. Despite me working a lot of overtime to keep us afloat, he played the big shot with the OW(s) on line and bought them gifts.

There I was budgeting how much meat we could afford in groceries for us and all our children and stitching up holes in my work clothes and he was buying them gifts... It blew my mind. And I found it out from the OW(s) when they learned the truth of the situation and realized their gifts came from MY pay.

WH actually got offended that it was phrased as "my" money rather than magically from his scholarships. He even contacted them again to tell the OW(s) that I was misrepresenting the situation and not giving him credit.

They cut him off after that. What people are capable of wrapped in that fog and delusion is incredible. I told WH during DD#2 talks that if he didn't take care of the kids financially if the marriage fell apart after he was graduated and in a firm, I'd make him pay and wouldn't be nice about it.

It was a horrible betrayal on top of a horrible betrayal.


Posts: 292 | Registered: Apr 2013
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 8:32 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I helped XPerv with jobs and clothing expenses.

My brother I helped put through school and he is now a millionaire now in another country with a millionaire GF.

Still I don't know how this, with our finances, got turned so upside down!

Sorry, but I had a good lol at PHMH's line about "his parents told him he was too stupid". Thank you, I needed that!

[This message edited by Ashland13 at 8:33 PM, October 17th (Thursday)]


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2197 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
PhantomLimb
♀ Member
Member # 39668
Default  Posted: 9:08 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My family helped to support me and WS through graduate school. We even had to live with them for awhile while I finished paying off my student loans (which I did). He had just gotten his first big (and lucrative) job when he started cheating on me with a MCOW. I was out of town working my butt off in a stepping stone position so I could join him in his office when an opening came up.

When I found out about the A, I had just quit my job in order to take two positions in his office. Why two? I took the second one so I could pay off his student loans.

He was making literally 5x what I make when DDay happened and, among his blame shifting, was the stunning statement that I was "selfish" for paying off my loans and credit card debt before paying off his.

So I'm pretty lucky. Although he did take a fairly sizable loan from my family about a month before DDay. He said he would pay it back. He hasn't, of course. And my L says the most I can do is send some scary letters (that his L will read right through).

These people sure are special.


BS / D

Posts: 863 | Registered: Jun 2013
Whalers11
♀ Member
Member # 27544
Default  Posted: 11:50 AM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here's one for you.

My ex was a high school dropout. Never even got a GED. So he had trouble getting jobs. Then when he managed to get a job, he'd quit after a couple months with some lame excuse... He was unemployed or very underemployed for the entire 12 years we were together.

When he did work jobs here and there, I let him keep that money as "fun money" for his hobbies I didn't particularly share a passion for. I paid for all our household bills, which the exception of an occassional bag of groceries he'd pick up at the store.

We were never married, so there was no chance to recoup money that went to supporting him for 10+ years. I am afriad to even calculate how much it'd be because I know I will just get pissed all over again.

I have to laugh, though, because I think OW was impressed by his lifestyle... but she clearly was too stupid to realize he was not financing that with his income from the part-time minimum wage job they met at.

So when he left, so did his cash flow from me...


Me: BGF - 33
Together 11+ years - not married, no children.
D-Day: 2/9/2010
OC Born: 10/9/2010
Status: He chose OW/OC and left immediately.

Posts: 2214 | Registered: Feb 2010
Topic Posts: 10

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