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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Venting over stupid, cussing
Running the Race
♂ Member
Member # 19755
Default  Posted: 12:21 AM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Got to vent, then I'll go to bed. Fucking bitch really pisses me off. She is constantly saying to me,"The kids are my priority.", she is so full of shit. They were never her priority. She made selfish decisions about leaving, never considering how it would rock the kids lives. Now she wants to tell me they are her priority? 
When she was going to leave, just before summer, I sat on the couch and started to plan how the kids lives were going to change. I began to talk to her about the schedule, the routine, the time restraints the kids would end up having.
She turns to me and says,"I have something planned for my birthday weekend when i dont have the kids.". Her birthday weekend was 4 months out, what the fuck you selfish bitch. Don't consider the devastation that is about to take place to our three small children. 
And then, to look at me, and say, the kids are my priority. Fuck you. Fuck your worped mind. While you were out singing karaoke and dancing with your friends., I held our 9 year old daughter because she was crying to me about the divorce. Fuck you, when you were out for your girls weekend out, I was with our 12 year old explaining that none of this was his fault, and that we both love him more than any words can express. Fuck you, when you were telling all your friends how I didn't want any of the kids in any activities (because I was adjusting to being a single father for 3 months), I was sitting with our 6 year old, going over his homework,after I worked a 14 hour day.
So fuck you when you say the kids are your priority. You can tell your fucking bitch friends that, but I know better you selfish, mid-life crises fat-ass, cheating, bitch. I feel bad for the next guy.

Now since I don't agree with all your activities you want the kids in, now you say you don't want the kids in sports, the rest of the school year regardless if they do good in school? You tell them that. Because ever activity I've told the kids they have to wait for, I sat them down, looked them in the eye, and told them why their dad is making the decision to hold them out of a sport or club. I explain my decisions, I am honest with them so they will remember why I did what I did when they get older.

I fucking hate selfish people, who are so fucked up, they lie to themselves in order to not face the fact they are fucked.  Keep telling yourself the kids are your priority, I think I'll just base my opinion on your actions and behavior, if you don't mind.
Selfish, self-deceiving bitch.

Now I'm going to sleep.

[This message edited by Running the Race at 12:24 AM, October 17th (Thursday)]


BS-Me (38)
FWW-(37)
3 Kids-
2009-She wants divorce
2009-2012 trying to R
2012-she wants a divorce again
2012-we are divorced
2013- trying MC to work it out, she does show some remorse, but I can't trust here anymore
2013- she moved out,

Posts: 133 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: California
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:41 AM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Epic rant. Standing O, man. Agree with every word.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8737 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Phoenix1
♀ Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 12:50 AM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Right on! These clueless POSs are just that, fucking clueless!!


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs, started 1994? - never stopped
Kids - 22, 20, 17
M Dissolved 2013!!!

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man, ~ Shakespeare


Posts: 824 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 1:16 AM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

RtR ... thank you for that vent! I have tears in my eyes. It reminded me of all the sacrifices that we have had to make and our innocent children. All for what? Really, how can they say "The kids are my priority"? Are you fucking kidding me?


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
I FINALLY GOT A COURT DATE: 5/29/14!!

Posts: 1830 | Registered: Oct 2012
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 7:10 AM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A-freaking-men.

I WISH it were true. I WISH the girls were a priority. That is the only hope I have for the sad clown. Just to be a half-decent father - doesn't need to be a great one, just one that doesn't fuck them up would make me insanely happy.

I too taste blood in my mouth from biting my tongue when he sends one of his ridiculous rants about how he puts the girls first, blah, blah, blah.

Much like that horrible M - all pretty words no action - no substance.

Fuck him for making me regret choosing so poorly for my girls. I don't think I'll ever stop dripping with regret about it.

Have a good sleep, friend. One day soon we'll all reach 'Meh' Nirvana.


Sending all of the love and strength I can muster to Phoenix1 and her family.
"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal."

Posts: 4509 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 8:23 AM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Running...this part sucks, I remember it well.

The words are right, "The kids are my priority", but the actions are wrong. It is a huge mind-fuck as we try to understand the lower muppet that is talking to us. Truly, they are the shell of someone we used to know, or thought we knew. The "real selves", the hand of the muppet, is what is showing now...and it ain't so pretty.

But, as you will read if you wander down to NB's, the motto IS: Watch actions not words. Actions tell the truth regardless of what the words are.

If you make ^^^^ your new motto, life will get easier. I learned to have zero expectations from ex, and that made life easier for me. I did not listen to his words, only watched his actions.

Rant and rave and get it out. Then leave her where she belongs, she truly doesn't deserve your emotion, and work on moving forward.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 40, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, separated 3 years, together 17
Alis volat propriis "She flies with her own wings"
separated 1/2011

Posts: 3585 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Virginia
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

From one guy to another...A.M.E.N!!!

Got the same thing from my WW. They can talk the talk but damned if they can walk the walk.

Self-deceiving = spot on!


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 957 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 9:05 AM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One of the things I have learned from all this is to be honest with the kids. If you don't it will come back and bite you in the ass.

When the kids get older, they will know who put them first and was there for them.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4488 | Registered: Feb 2008
Running the Race
♂ Member
Member # 19755
Default  Posted: 9:26 AM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Everyone. Let me ask all of you this questions. Is it telling that she feels the need to say that to me? I mean, I feel like deep down she knows that her decisions put her first and what she wanted first. Not the kids. I don't feel the need to tell anyone I put the kids first. They can talk to me about my life and my routine, it speaks for itself.
The other thing, my kids show some signs of seeing it. I never say anything negative about their mom, I am not trying to turn them against her. But I feel like, at least from my 12 year olds perspective, they see a little bit of the difference between the two of us. I was online looking at my sons grades and talking to him about his grade suffering in math, I told him to check his grades with his mom, so she can see them too. He looks at me and tells me, she just always looks at facebook... do kids start to put these things together at such a young age?


BS-Me (38)
FWW-(37)
3 Kids-
2009-She wants divorce
2009-2012 trying to R
2012-she wants a divorce again
2012-we are divorced
2013- trying MC to work it out, she does show some remorse, but I can't trust here anymore
2013- she moved out,

Posts: 133 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: California
RyeBread
♂ Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 10:58 AM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

RtR,

Oh, she knows alright. She just doesn't want to admit that maybe she isn't mom of the year and can't accept that.

My WW gets very defensive about our kids but doesn't accept her share of the responsibility for them. Frustrates me to no end. Then here I am doing the things she claims to do but doesn't.

With the exception of SI, I don't feel the need to tell anyone what I do. I do it because I love them and thats just what I do. I'm no father of the year and I don't care if anyone sees me that way.

As far as the kids go, they definitely see it. In my house I get asked "where is mom?" or "did mom even come home last night?" questions. WW also gets upset with them when they call her out on things like "she went shopping all day" or "all you did today was sit in your room on the laptop mom". It's sad.

Its similar to the WW attitude of having the OM for fun and the BH as her stability. She has the kids for her status symbol and ego kibbles but has the BH as the actual worker and stability for the kids. I'm sure the WH's do the same thing.


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 957 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
Gr8Lady
♀ Member
Member # 36307
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


The words are right, "The kids are my priority", but the actions are wrong. It is a huge mind-fuck as we try to understand the lower muppet that is talking to us. Truly, they are the shell of someone we used to know, or thought we knew. The "real selves", the hand of the muppet, is what is showing now...and it ain't so pretty.

Agree.....words are correct actions don't match.


BS: Me (63yo)
FWH: HIM (65yo) serial infidelities over past 35 years
OW: Many, most recent 1/2 his age
DD: Multiple unconfirmed until 2012 when I presented evidence, plus LTA with his friends wife lasting 10 years. TT over past year
So done,

Posts: 551 | Registered: Jul 2012
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Let me ask all of you this questions. Is it telling that she feels the need to say that to me?
Hell yes!! She isn't just trying to convince you, she is trying to convince herself! If she can convince you, THEN that will mean what she did wasn't that bad and that the children aren't really suffering.

And sadly, yes, kids see through bullshit at your sons age.


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
I FINALLY GOT A COURT DATE: 5/29/14!!

Posts: 1830 | Registered: Oct 2012
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Of course she is, but you need to start working to the point of indifference, and it is hard. Kids notice, even as they love her...they notice. I have, more recently, pushed as much of the homework responsibility back to ex. I was getting tired of doing all of the heavy lifting of raising the kids where he just has the fun. He is beginning to step up, but it is only because I pushed the issue.

You will eventually get to the point where what she does no longer registers to you. When you hear something stupid, or she says something stupid..you will just go:

I had to get to the point where I stop trying to figure ex out, it just doesn't matter. I do what is right, and, as all of the therapist have told me...the kids will have a very different relationship with me than their dad. I am stability, he is fun. So be it. Their real connection will always be with me...but they need a connection to their dad and I make sure that I do not interfere with their relationship...by trying to "save" him from what he says or does.

I used to "coach" him on how to be a parent, now I don't. His relationship with his kids is his to figure out.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 40, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, separated 3 years, together 17
Alis volat propriis "She flies with her own wings"
separated 1/2011

Posts: 3585 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Virginia
Phoenix1
♀ Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

do kids start to put these things together at such a young age?

Kids are so much more perceptive than most adults give them credit for! They know much more than you realize, which is why honesty is an absolute necessity (age appropriate, of course). Little ears pick up on everything going on, even if they don't have all the details to fill in the gaps just yet.


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs, started 1994? - never stopped
Kids - 22, 20, 17
M Dissolved 2013!!!

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man, ~ Shakespeare


Posts: 824 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
sleepless34
♀ Member
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 6:14 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I like your post! I am with you. My poor little ones are in therapy. The therapist was showing us (me and Mr. Integrity) the pictures they drew and what they meant. I started crying a little, I listen to my 8yo cry every frigging day about how sad she is how tired she is how her stomach and head hurt. Then I see her little picture with the hole in her tree, which is the trauma, and I cried.

I said " I will never forgive you for what you have done to these children. Our children don't deserve this. You have continued on with your family legacy of cheating and selfishness and it is not fair to them. Me, I will get over you, but I will never forgive you for the pain you caused them. I hope they won't be messed up in their future relationships because of your actions."

He sat there, tearing up a little, with this look of self hatred and anguish...like maybe he felt bad, but it only lasted a second or two. Then he was back to intellectualizing it all in the cold sociopathic way only he can do....

When I see my kids crying I want to rip his head of his neck. I want to remove his penis with a rusty dull butter knife coated in hot sauce. He too says his only priority now is the kids and that is his main concern.

I say F**k you F**k you and F**k you. If they were your priority, you would show real remorse, try to make it right with them instead of buying them shit and having your skank ho help you stencil a mural on their wall.

OMG where does all this anger go??


Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 406 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
Topic Posts: 15

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