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User Topic: Dr. Laura fans ??
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Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She converted to an orthodox version of Judaism. In 2003, she announced she still considers herself Jewish but she would no longer practice it. I don't know where that leaves her.

fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10420 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
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Member # 40769
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I fell for her crap in the beginning - trying to be the perfect wife and mother, blah blah blah- look we're that got me, right?
Years ago, I slowly realized that she is pompous, judgmental and self righteous.
She makes blanket statements that do not empower, but belittle and make the listener/reader feel stupid for not figuring it out on their own.

I hate that people can make money spewing crap- and people fall for it.

Everyday is a new day, some good, some bad.
Me- BS 39
Him- FWS
14 years- 2 middle school children
DDay- 07-24-2013
NC broken from August 6- 24, 2013
Avalanche of Truth on November 14, 2013
Length of A: June 10th to Dday- with broken NC

Posts: 474 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: East Coast
♀ Member
Member # 21886
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

From what I've heard about "Dr." Laura is she calls WWs sluts and blames BWs for their WHs A. So basically the man is NEVER at fault. She's a WW herself but of course *she's* not a slut.

BH Cee64D - 48
WW (me) - 49

All affairs are variations on a theme. No one has 'Beethoven's 5th' to everyone else's 'Chopsticks'.

Posts: 5893 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: A better place
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Member # 36519
Default  Posted: 5:04 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I never understand why obnoxious idiots gain such loyal followings... I could list a bunch of 'em, but I'd probably offend people... She's a moron.

BS (me): 50
WS: 50
Married: 26 yrs
Kids: 2
OW: Co-worker, 7 yr LTA
DD 8/1/2012, Working on R

Posts: 1061 | Registered: Aug 2012
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Member # 39802
Default  Posted: 5:24 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

oh my gosh add this to the stuff I never knew...I really had no idea. Now I feel this proves that I am a gullible person that believes crap ppl tell me. I am sorry for the drama...

but this is funny. You guys made me laugh.

Posts: 264 | Registered: Jul 2013
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Member # 15942
Default  Posted: 5:50 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Who is Dr. Whora....Alex?

WS 45
BS 43

Met when we were 17 and 15. Together since 1983, married since 1985. Two kids, B21, G15.

d-day 4-3-07

Life has a way of making us get our panties in a wad.....I refuse to wear panties ever again.

Posts: 3976 | Registered: Aug 2007
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Member # 16394
Default  Posted: 5:57 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think she hasn't a clue about infidelity. She has outdated ideas concerning the roles for wives and husbands. Her ideas about the wife screams doing everything for your man. However i don't see her telling husbands to dance on their heads for the wife. She advocates "nicing" them back to decent good behavior, we here on SI know how well that works.

This woman just can't be taken seriously IMHO.

BS-me FWS - him
D-day 8/04

"Global editing disclaimer - I edit almost everything I post, and I am not going to post why every time." Bionical girl

Posts: 2988 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: New York
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Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 6:04 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dr. Whora

Listened to her a few times when I was a new bride. When I found out she was D, I realized she was the blind leading the blind and turned off the radio when she came on.

Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
♀ Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 6:49 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'll take "Who's more qualified to give infidelity advice than Dr Laura" for $1000 Alex.

Who is Dr Scholl, Dr Dre and Dr Pepper.

I have to admit, no matter what the problem, Dr. Pepper has always made me feel better.

As for "Dr." Laura (her doctorate is in Physiology- not psychology), if Wikipedia is to be believed, she's a serial OW having had known affairs with two married men. And who knows what she's done that didn't make the news.

[This message edited by Tearsoflove at 6:59 PM, October 17th (Thursday)]

"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson

Posts: 4156 | Registered: Sep 2005
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Member # 40963
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I find her to be extremely naive about porn. For some couples, that works. But not all men look at porn as a fun addition to the marriage. They are sex addicts. It takes from their ability to emotionally and sexually connect with real humans. She is an idiot.

Posts: 115 | Registered: Oct 2013
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Member # 40393
Default  Posted: 7:17 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I tried to listen to her radio show years ago. I've never heard someone be so condescending, rude, belittling in giving "advice".

Her book "The Proper Care and Feeding of a Husband" was given to me. It ended up in the garbage with my marriage. One spouse does not SERVE another.

Me: 50
WH: 50 pro cake-eater, NPD, SA
Married 33 years
D-Days 3-4-12, 8-19-12 (EA, probably PA)porn,ashleymadison, etc, etc
4 sons, 3 daughters
8 grandkids
Divorcing - finally

Posts: 120 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Utah
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Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 7:53 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AJsMom I caught that ! You're SO BAD !!!!!
End of T/J.

I'm not a fan and her advice is strictly her opinion and doesn't fit in my real world.

It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.

Posts: 20384 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Closer to where I want to be..
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Member # 36474
Default  Posted: 1:21 AM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dr Laura is full of shit!

Scorched earth-Like Peter the Great, he burns up his own territory in order to gain the upper hand while his own people suffer.

I don't need you to be happy. I just need you to leave me alone when I am.

Posts: 442 | Registered: Aug 2012
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Member # 35624
Default  Posted: 2:39 AM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I gave up listening to her when she tried to lay a guilt trip on me for having a child and working.

I live in California. The two income state.

WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated

Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2012 | From: California
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Member # 34353
Default  Posted: 8:32 AM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No Politics

[This message edited by SI Staff at 7:00 PM, October 19th (Saturday)]

Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA
Trying to reconcile

Posts: 1649 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: midwest now.
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Member # 22698
Default  Posted: 10:47 AM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I like many of Dr. Laura’s values. As to this article… I see nothing wrong with the message she is sending.
Porn and men..
As women, we want to believe that we are the only vision our husband sees when he thinks about sex or masturbates.

Is this true for you ladies?
I know this.. And I have been in a sex therapist men’s group for over a year now. These men opened up on this “closed” subject. Most men won’t talk about it for fears of it.. it destroys egos… hurts you because yes you do get offended.

Men who masturbate are not thinking about their spouse. They are thinking about past girlfriends, they are fantasying about people you know, perhaps even your best friend. Porn they are looking at that “strange” and getting off on it.
My sex therapist will say most all men do not have the ability to open their women up to meet his own sexuality. Humans tend to hide. The good behavior we men must have is rarely taught to us by our parents or society. The behavior I must have falls on me.

Having listened to Dr. Laura’s show.. I don’t necessary think her message is.. Yes, go visit porn with your H.. It is more a message about being “that” open with your H and his sexuality… and giving it to him for the best possible happiness. Heck, it is fun too. Her message is to women. You can join your man in his journey on his sexuality terms and hey, accept what a is very natural in a man. Most men cannot be that open. You as a woman, can behave in ways to open your man by.. playing along. That is her message to a woman.

A good book for all men is “Every Man's Battle.” A woman can give this book to her man but unless he really “wants” to change, it will do NO good. People must want to change and learn. I recently was in a presentation where a psychologist says 20% of people are those who always want to change; 60% are slow changers, and 20% resist. I think Dr. Laura knows this fact. She is trying to say you open up to your man and you might find he will open up to you verses getting your feathers all ruffled. The psychologist said that those 20% will influence the 60% to change too. So I see this message as.. Take personal responsibility in your M and be that influencer.

My therapist says to masturbate to another woman is not really a good thing. He says we as men can behave in ways that will draw your woman out to the point she will want to have sex with you so often she will satisfy all your needs. You therefore will not have a need to masturbate in fantasy to other women meeting that basic human need to spread your seed. Honestly.. he has been right.

BTW Dr Laura’s books have these values…
End your M if…
- Your spouse is in an affair
- Your spouse is addicted to drugs
- You spouse is abusive
All we agree with right?

Yes, she manipulates. A person like her believes that it is OK to manipulate when it is for good values. Her tone of voice gets to a point where it appears angry. Anger is a way to manipulate. She is trying to manipulate those callers into believing her values. I laugh when someone does not submit to her.. she just says.. OK, go do what you want.

And also a person like her also knows... It goes back to that change I mentioned above. Some people just won’t change… and the consequences will be what they will be. Nothing she can do about it.

More on her values…
- Look at yourself first… A value of taking personal responsibility for all that happens to you in life.
I am pretty sure our values today taught to us by so many groups, political parties.. etc.. is not that value of trend.. Let others be responsible for my living, controlling me.. seems to be the trend. If you don’t have this value, you won’t agree with her and perhaps argue against her. I am ok with your value, are you ok with mine? Or do you get upset and angry at me because I have that value. When we force our values on each other is when you truly must fight. I think most all her values will protect yourself in most situations.

Another value I know many women hate
- The value in being a stay at home mom.

In an ideal situation, yes that would be great. To quote her.. If anybody would rather of had a nanny, a daycare work, take care of you over your mom, please stand up. I know this bring guilt on working women because I cannot think of an argument against that says otherwise when you really think about having others take care of your child. We seem to choose cell phone, cable tv, nice cars, nicer homes.. Material things over being stay at home moms.

Dr laura does not believe in sex addiction. She says it is made up by those wanting our money. Each person’s sexuality is their own sexuality. My sex therapist says the same but what we do to our bodies do generate brain chemicals. These chemicals are addictive. Human use these chemical for a burst of comfort.. a refuge. But as adults, we mature. A mature person has the ability to control him or herself. Those that don’t , have failed to mature as he says it. It is the same for her value on drug addiction.

I like her shows and have posted about her before. The attacks on my liking her are viscous, made fun of.. manipulation technics to get me to submit. The reality is I am open to anyone’s opinion and I just want to learn how to be the best possible man. And when I look at most all her values.. They are good ones. Choose your partner carefully and be nice.

Personally I think Dr. Laura Berman is the best. Dr. Laura does judge people way too fast without all the facts.

Posts: 2684 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Indiana
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Member # 36070
Default  Posted: 11:39 AM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was a huge fan for a long time. Just because people do not agree with the principles she spouts does not make them wrong. Just different from theirs.

Her advice to women is to empower them within the marriage. Not to make them a slave to a dysfunctional one. I always thought of the old saying "If mommas not happy then neither is the house".

She does not stand behind keeping a marriage if there is abuse, adultery or addiction. She has the same expectations of the men callers as she does the women. And please remember that she does not have ongoing sessions with these people. It is a 5 to 10 min call and she is taking there questions and information at face value.

As far as women staying home. I believe that if it is possible monetarily one parent should stay home. It is better for the child as NO ONE loves or takes care of your child like you will. She also says that family is a better choice than daycare. This is coming from a mom that had her oldest two in daycare. I am now home with my youngest and think back to the teacher ratio at such a young age. How can 1 adult take care of 4-5 infants at one time? How do they decide which crying child gets comfort before the other? How do you discipline a child while not in the moment it happens, but after their little minds have disregarded their actions?

I have the book 10 stupid things women do to mess up their life for my daughter. Most of it is good common sense.

Married 13 yrs
3 kids 13, 10 & 1
I'm 34
FWH 37
Affair lasted 6 months
Ended 09/2011
Found out 06/2012
My father died during the affair
In the middle of Reconcilliation

Posts: 291 | Registered: Jul 2012
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Member # 36070
Default  Posted: 11:47 AM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As for the porn issue. I have never had an issue with it and still do not even after my husbands affair.

They are pics or movies that do NOT interact. What I take issue with are sex chat rooms, websites that allow messaging and face to face interaction.

I DO NOT find the need to compare myself to these women and can realize that they are fake. As long as it does not keep me from getting my needs met sexually there is no issue from me.

I also like to compare it to romance novels for women. You all know what I am talking about. That good old knight in shining armour that can be more illicit than Hustler mags. They are fake too, yet you don't hear men complaining about them. These books are guilty pleasures based on fantasy just like porn.

Married 13 yrs
3 kids 13, 10 & 1
I'm 34
FWH 37
Affair lasted 6 months
Ended 09/2011
Found out 06/2012
My father died during the affair
In the middle of Reconcilliation

Posts: 291 | Registered: Jul 2012
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Member # 39802
Default  Posted: 12:00 PM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think we should stick to the topic of infidelity/sex/marriage etc or this post will never end with discussions of sahm vs wham ughhh those arguments never end and everyon e ends up feeling upset. |I guess I didn't think through all the possibilities of dr. laura arguments before I posted this.

but back to the topic--

umm YES! I would be upset to think my H was thinking of other women while he was having sex with me. I don't and never have ever thought of anyone else while having sex with him. I just don't see how that can be construed to be OK in anyone's world. I married and am with my H for a reason. Not to think of other men while I am with him. That is so sick I want to vomit. If this is "normal" for men then I think they should try to not think this way. For a man--can you honestly say that you are fine and dandy with your wife of say 15 years fantasizing about other men when they have sex with you ?? You don't find that demeaning or degrading in anyway? Everyone wants to be the one that is desired otherwise its just using someone's body for the physical enjoyment of yourself.

If it is true that all men think like this I would rather not know the would be too upsetting.

masturbating for a man I would see differently anyway though since it is for yourself and not with your wife anyway--but if you are actually having sex with your wife what is the point if you are not having sex with your wife?

Posts: 264 | Registered: Jul 2013
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Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My situation is the same as BeyondBreaking's. Porn was the gateway to cheating for my husband. What started out as a tool for our marital sex life, became a stepping stone to sexual addiction (or serial cheating if you prefer).

Think of the old True/False tests from school. Any sweeping statements saying that its always good to do such and such, or its never okay to do whatever, are almost always wrong.

As for being a fan of Dr. Laura, Dr. Phil, or Dr. Whomever (not to be confused with Dr. Who), I never trust anyone who says they have all the answers.

Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.

Posts: 1877 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
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