So, WTF?? And what do I do? She is either 1.) crazy 2.) mean or 3.) stupid. Or, some combo of the three. My H is NC, but I have contacted her once since dday, she wrote me an apology, and her husband and I do the communicating if something needs to be said between our families.
I never said "Do not contact me" to her, but doesn't that kind of go without saying? So, do I send a short: "Please remove me from your contact list," or do I just give her crickets and block her #? I am afraid if I block her then when people respond to the group text they'll get the blocked msg as well?
Or, I could just out her to everyone in the group. Ha. (If there weren't kids involved, I would.)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA/then PA
In MC & Reconciling
I edit, therefore I am.
So, I'd "say what I would say" and then block her. I don't think anyone in the group will get a blocked message.
Then when the other people private message you asking what's up. Tell them. It's not your secret to hold.
But that's coming from someone who outed her WS's affair on FB. On my page. On WS's page. And on OW's page. Then private messaged her immediate family just for good measure.
So I might be a little more ballsy then the typical BS. Take that into consideration when you hear my advise. lol.
[This message edited by niaveone at 2:15 PM, October 17th (Thursday)]
Let her think it came from your carrier - she won't know the difference.
Then IMMEDIATELY block her with your carrier.
I'm with Verizon and we have the option to block up to 5 numbers for a 90 day period for no charge. You just have to remember to go in every 3 months and reinsert her number and the 90 day block starts all over again.
It's tons of fun.
In either event, make sure that the second you send the text, you're doing whatever it takes to block her. If she tries to reply to your text, she'll just get a system block message from your carrier.
I agree that you should message bak a clear but calm reply. Group message be damned. Who cares if others question? It's her eff up,, not yours.
"Please take me out of your contact list."
If anyone else asks why, tell them they can ask her.
And I would leave it at that. I am a firm believer that the less attention paid to the OW or OM, the better.
But know this... That move was calculated and wants a response from you. Keep it minimal.
The only reason I would not say, "don't contact me again," or something to that effect is because she may very well go to a mutual friend who doesn't know about the A, and try to play like you are the bad guy.
At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.
"Love means never having to say you're sorry."
Thanks for all the replies. I'll talk about it with mr.bionicgal and decide what to do. I love the creative ideas, but am leaning towards crickets (which would probably irritate her more, but leave my boundaries unstated) or just asking her privately to delete me from her contacts. (Which I am afraid gives her just a teensy bit of attention that she apparently needs, but would state my boundaries.)
[This message edited by bionicgal at 5:57 PM, October 17th (Thursday)]
I think she feels above it all, thinks she is all better now since she apologized. She should feel the shame for the rest of her life!
Please remember to follow the guidelines when posting.
There is to be no venting about or name calling the OP in this forum.
Or, some combo of the three.
In my case OW was a friend as well. She pulled similar stuff on me for a long time...trying to continually insinuate herself into my life....this OW sounds to be doing the same to you. Don't bite. I'm inclined to agree with crickets. Shes itching like crazy...don't scratch!!
Sucks when the OW is a friend, huh?? Make's things all the more difficult. I took things a step further...and i have removed all mutual friends from my life. The way i see it.....anyone that could even possibly be a friend or supportive to her is clearly no friend of mine. And they arent worth my time.
hugs to you!!
Crickets and block her!
If after not responding a friend asks why you did not respond (and I find most of my friends too busy to even notice this type of thing), then you can say, "Oh, I did my own thing for the deceased". Then change subject!
If you ever ever get pushed on something like this, then I would say, "ask AP, she can tell you."
i say go crickets. it will drive her nuts wondering if you received her text...it will.
i think remaining silent also screams a much more powerful message back that she is simply irrelevant.
my husband ow sent me a couple emails...trying to be nice...a "friend"...she even sent him an anonymous letter to his job...after she "promised" me she wouldnt contact him again. we both ignored her.