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Newest Member: LostMyMojo (44700)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: How on earth do people afford attorneys?
statistic
♀ Member
Member # 39192
Default  Posted: 5:07 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've visited with 4 attorneys and each quote me retainers that are way out of reach. They all said that it is expensive because we have a 3 month old, parenting plans have to be developed, etc. I'm curious as to how people pay thousands of dollars up front when I'm sure most don't go around saving money for such a thing! Personal loans? Family and friends? I'm truly SOL as I provide for my extended family and cannot ask for money. Is there anything I've not consisted that helped you with the financial burden?


Truth waits for eyes unclouded by longing.

~~Tao Te Ching


Posts: 147 | Registered: May 2013 | From: United States
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 5:09 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I took a loan out against the cash value of my life insurance policy.

You can also save money by coming up with your own parenting plan. There are plenty of books out there that can help.

ETCorrect

[This message edited by Gemini71 at 5:29 PM, October 17th (Thursday)]


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1647 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 5:28 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you can negotiate and work together...we did mediation. I think it was about $500 to have the mediator help us agree on our terms, then we each turned the document over to a lawyer for review/suggestion.

Sometimes employers offer legal services cheaper than hiring one yourself.

Look into finding a firm/attorney that is offering pro bono services. Ask at your church, friends, etc. Some will also do a payment plan, put it on a credit card.

Yes, it is expensive, but it is cheaper than having to fight someone in court if you don't do it right the first time.

[This message edited by cmego at 7:23 PM, October 17th (Thursday)]


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4111 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 5:28 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Credit cards :(
Will your divorce be uncontested?


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2145 | Registered: Oct 2012
Merlin
♂ Member
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 5:32 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Because.......

It's worth it!


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
Thefly559
♂ Member
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 5:40 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I will spend every dime I have and then beg and borrow the rest just so that pos doesn't win


"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 628 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
peacelovetea
♀ Member
Member # 26071
Default  Posted: 6:01 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It was cheaper to do it right the first time than to spend more later to try to fix it. I was lucky to have the savings available in the marital funds but I would have put it on a card or taken more student loans to make it happen.


BW, SAHM
D-Day: 6/5/09, drunken ONS on business trip, confessed immediately, transparent, remorseful but emotionally clueless
M 11 years, 3 kids
4/12 Tried to R for 3 years, have decided to D
12/31/12 D final

Posts: 542 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: PacNW
ChoosingHope
♀ Member
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 6:52 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Huge loans from family. Completely worth it in my case.

I figure I got myself into this mess by innocently marrying STBX 18 years ago. Now I have to pay to save myself and my children. It's the only way I can look at the situation and stay sane.


Posts: 1663 | Registered: Oct 2011
LadyQ
♀ Member
Member # 32847
Default  Posted: 7:38 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I put mine on my credit card. My divorce was uncontested and basic. So, it "only" cost $1500.


Tune out the noise of what others tell you about who you are and work it out for yourself...

Posts: 1650 | Registered: Jul 2011
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 7:41 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I will spend every dime I have and then beg and borrow the rest just so that pos doesn't win

Same here. I didn't want this, but my hand was forced. I make OK money; at least it will keep coming in, such as it is, as I have great job security.

My meager savings is barely keeping up with the bills already. But, as one SI poster said to me early on when I fretted about funds, "At what price peace?"

That is how I am choosing to look at it. When I forked over that big retainer, and every time I pay my lawyer's bill, I resigned myself that this will hurt, financially. But it is just money. I will be OK. My kids will be OK. They will always be provided for.

I grew up lower middle-class and at times, poor. I never associated money with happiness. It just "greased the skids" in life. So for me, I am buying peace, order, and dignity for me and my children.

My STBXWW, however, loves money--she came from money--and associates it with contentment. Sad. So ironically, though she has no trouble affording her attorney, I am sure it is killing her.

It really is "just" money.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1586 | Registered: Dec 2012
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Installment plan.

Very short email messages.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2197 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
surviving1963
♀ Member
Member # 40393
Default  Posted: 7:51 PM, October 17th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My friend, also a BS, told me she took out a loan at her credit union for "Home Improvement". It was literally and figuratively the truth!


Me: 50
WH: 50 pro cake-eater, NPD, SA
Married 33 years
D-Days 3-4-12, 8-19-12 (EA, probably PA)porn,ashleymadison, etc, etc
4 sons, 3 daughters
8 grandkids
Divorcing - finally

Posts: 118 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Utah
Bobbi_sue
♀ Member
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 2:09 AM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My XH and I sat down and figured everything out before hand, that we would both agree to including the children, custody, visitation, the amount of CS. We did not use a mediator.

Then I found the cheapest lawyer I could find, and we only used the one lawyer. My whole D, including court costs and was under $400. He and I split that cost as I recall. (This was 1992-93).

One thing we definitely agreed on was that lawyers are greedy and it was well worth it to avoid paying our hard earned money to them. I went to one lawyer before that one who insisted on a $800 retainer fee and would not even listen to my plan to "get along" with my X for the sake of our kids. I'm sure he wanted a nasty fight and lots of $ for himself. Well, thank goodness the initial consultation was free and I never went back.


Posts: 5727 | Registered: Apr 2006
Thefly559
♂ Member
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 7:32 AM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Abbondad, if we don't fight now. When will we? I agree. It's only money. I will just make more. !!!!! You would be surprised the things we can do when failure is not an option!!!! Good luck


"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 628 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 8:05 AM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You can talk with them about payment plans, and or getting a bank loan.

There are also resources if you truly are destitute, without his income. Please look into all of this.

((((and strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8218 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
statistic
♀ Member
Member # 39192
Default  Posted: 8:51 AM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow. I get the sense that the quote I was given are not the norm. So far I've been asked to pay 8-10 grand with a 2 week payment plan :-/ The divorce will not be contested... At least I do not think. We live in a no fault state, however proof of infidelity provides me with a disproportionate share of our assets and less of our debt. Do I need to find a lawyer to lead the mediation since that sounds like a cheaper option? Or is this something I do on my own. I'm really confused. I feel like I'm coming undone... Personally, physically, and financially. Sorry for the slight vent.


Truth waits for eyes unclouded by longing.

~~Tao Te Ching


Posts: 147 | Registered: May 2013 | From: United States
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I used a credit card, borrowed money and used my tax return and used a payment plan.

Very few people on here are able to do a divorce without an attorney, especially with kids. If you can't trust them in the marriage, you can't trust them in the divorce.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4744 | Registered: Feb 2008
EvenKeel
♀ Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are you guys amicable enough that you can work out the details? We did it that way - wrote out our own separation (of propert, possessions and visitation)....the attorney just had to type it up and file it.

If you are dealing with someone who is reasonable - this is an option. If you have someone that is going to be a royal jerk and fight you on everything, then it is crucial you protect yourself and child.

We filed no-fault as well. Since Ex knew it was his fault, it was slanted to my benefit but he signed off on it all.

Also - pricing varies GREAT geographically.

Edited to answer your question: I started stockpiling money when I knew it was over. I saved up enough to cover what the attorney said it should cost. OF COURSE...it was more. I was still able to shift stuff around enough to cover the cost without going the loan route.

[This message edited by EvenKeel at 9:38 AM, October 18th (Friday)]


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2055 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
Gajit
♀ Member
Member # 40665
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had to borrow from my mom and my uncle just to get HALF of the retainer!

It sucks!


Lord, with Your help I will focus on each small step of the climb, instead of the mountain that stands before me.

Posts: 224 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: USA
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 10:30 AM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am in the same boat. So for now, I will stay seperated and save. I have my own place so that makes it easier.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2661 | Registered: Aug 2011
Topic Posts: 43
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