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Newest Member: surprised1 (45370)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I've been told I'm breaking the cardinal rule
miadianna
♀ Member
Member # 10516
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Doesn't anyone else wonder about someone who is so willing to enter a relationship with a person who is so recently separated and not healed? What does that say about her and what her expectations are?

I also don't believe in the "discussion of break up." When you break up, you're done. You don't "talk" and you don't see each other in person. If there are discussions going on and communication, it means someone did not want to break up and is still hanging on. Her attention is somewhere else and she is certainly not 100% ready to move on to a new relationship. She doesn't seem very considerate of your feelings or is just ignorant that you have them.

Usually when a situation like yours occurs it is because "broken attracts broken" which happened to a lot of us and you don't see it at the time but when you look back it's so clear. The stage you are in right now is really crazy and confusing, so it's easy to get caught up.



Me: BS 53
Son: 27 years old
Daughter: 25 years old
D-day(s) 9/23/94 - 1/31/05
Divorced 4/10/08

Posts: 7482 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Illinois
lieshurt
♀ Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 1:55 PM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Doesn't anyone else wonder about someone who is so willing to enter a relationship with a person who is so recently separated and not healed? What does that say about her and what her expectations are?

Yes, I thought about this too.


Walk away from anything or anyone who takes away your joy. Life is too short to put up with fools.

Posts: 13811 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My logic then was that I was determined not to waste another nanosecond of time on a relationship that I had been more or less forcefully ejected from. I had a surprising amount of success (surprising at least to me)in landing dates, and have had a lot of fun.

Bro - exactly what logic are you using here?


-t2g


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9188 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
Dawnie
♀ Member
Member # 26912
Default  Posted: 1:59 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am one of the odd balls here... I started dating a great guy 6 months after D day, I was married 20 years and at the time was seperated not yet divorced. He was the first guy I dated after my S and 4 years later we are celebrating our 2 year wedding anniversary tomorrow. We had a whirlwind romance and fell in love very fast. Everyone told me I was nuts and to slow down but I couldnt. I still have trust issues and trigger alot and sometimes wish I had healed before I jumped in, but all in all I have no regrets and and very happily married.

Just wanted to put a sucess story out there for you...


DIVORCED! Remarried to a real man!
BW (me) - 41 (now 46)
WH (him) - 43 (now 48)
OW - 23 yr old foreign gold digging whore looking for her American meal ticket
1 14 yr old son (now 19)
married 20 years/together 25 years
D day - 9/23/2009 5pm

Posts: 802 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Mid Atlantic coast
HopeImOverIt
♀ Member
Member # 34517
Default  Posted: 2:35 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My logic then was that I was determined not to waste another nanosecond of time on a relationship that I had been more or less forcefully ejected from.

I agree with that logic as well. That's why I am NC with my Ex boyfriend. I don't want to waste another day, another hour, another SECOND on him.

However I am willing to spend time on MYSELF, getting myself healthy for a new relationship. That means being able to fully participate in a new relationship, and being able to make good judgments about who to get into relationship with. Sure it's nice to be wanted, but being wanted by someone who turns out to be wrong for me would waste still more of my time.


Me: BW (50)
ExWH: (51)
2 teen-age boys
Divorced

Posts: 266 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: PA
CuckoldedinMa
♂ Member
Member # 38283
Default  Posted: 5:59 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks to all who responded with actual advice and not admonishment. I have plenty to consider, for sure.


D-Day, 1/27/13
D-Day #2 4/21/13
D-Day #3 7/22/13
Me: BS (41)
Her :WS (43)
Married 13 years, together 21.
STATUS: Separated, divorcing

Posts: 162 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Boston, MA area
redrock
♀ Member
Member # 21538
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks to all who responded with actual advice and not admonishment.

IMO your admonishment in another persons warning.

Whether or not it is fair to your current SO, many transitional relationships don't work out.

People want to warn you to be careful. Just like we advise a new BS that there is probably more info out there, that NC may be broken, etc...

Who wants to read that kind of a buzz kill? Nobody. But it is said with best of intentions.

I wish you well with your situation. I hope it works out the way you would like it to.

NB tend to be the old souls on the board(I added souls to cushion the blow- cause some of dem is just old). BTDT more than anyone. Dismiss what you must, if that is what suits you. But they do have a way of being right in the long run. Now that I type it out, it is kinda annoying.


I don't respect anyone that can't spell a word more than one way:)

Posts: 3157 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Michigan
painfulpast
♀ Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 7:22 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DearCIMa - take it from a fellow cold new englander - she may just not realize how this troubles you. I think you should have the talk with her and see how she feels.

While it's true, she isn't your wife - she is someone that is in your life, and you have legitimate feelings about her relationship with this friend. I would just let her know, again, how much it bothers you and that, while you don't want to be controlling or overbearing, you are really uncomfortable with their going to each other's places alone.

Would it be better for you if when they met it was in public, such as a restaurant, or is it the meeting in general that is the problem.

Good luck, and good luck with Hawaii - totally jealous on that one!!


The stones from my enemies, these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive the roses from my friends

Posts: 1898 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
Topic Posts: 28
Pages: 1 · 2

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