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User Topic: Horrible guilt.
♀ Member
Member # 34262
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There are some illnesses and death that cannot easily be predicted even with normal lab work and EKGs.

Please don't beat yourself up. Sometimes plaques break off causing strokes and heart attacks. These deaths are the normal yet undesirable outcomes of human life.

I am very very sorry for your loss and sending you giant cyber hugs from the Great Southwest.

PM me if you have any medical questions.

Dr. PJ4

Me: BS 45
Her: fWS 48 (same sex partner)
Together: 18 years now (both MDs)
OW: meh so what 40s PhD
DD1: 10/30/11EA; DD2: 11/10/11 Had ONS; TT until 12/26/11; broke NC 6/12; NC again 7/12; R-ish

Posts: 2242 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Great Southwest
♀ Member
Member # 19636
Default  Posted: 5:53 PM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Suppose you hadn't told her.... Suppose you barely spoke to her in her last few months because you were afraid she'd know, afraid you'd have to explain why you were trying to R or considering D or whatever...

You might feel guilty then too.

Truth is, you didn't cause it, and for crying out loud, if her doctor could't prevent I'm guessing you couldn't either.

Maybe what you're feeling is a slight delay tactic of your psyche before dealing with it all fully. That's ok too.

I'm so sorry you lost your mom. I lost my dad 3 weeks after dday2. It is extremely difficult.

I am so sorry for your loss. Be kind to yourself and go through the grief... I think the biggest blessings are the hardest to get over losing.

Let go of the guilt, you are not so powerful to have either caused or prevented this.

Peace and prayers for you and your family.

BW - Reconciling

edited for typos (I always have to!)

Posts: 3631 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Midwest
♀ Member
Member # 32785
Default  Posted: 6:38 PM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry for your loss. We are about the same age so our mums would be too, the shock must be devastating and you're in my thoughts.

Please don't feel guilt for telling your mum, to know someone you love is in pain is heartbreaking but to be able to be there for them, as she was for you, only intensifies that love.

Your last memories together are of love and support, that's a very precious thing.

Posts: 516 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Hawaii
Grace and Flowers
♀ Member
Member # 34431
Default  Posted: 8:52 PM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I can only echo all that the others have said. NOT YOUR FAULT. Please don't take that on. Like others have said, I'm sure she was grateful that you felt you could talk to her.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I'm Happy, not Sad!

Posts: 1176 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: US
♀ Member
Member # 40184
Default  Posted: 9:02 PM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage not take this burden of your mothers passing on. Trust me when I say that everything in our lives happens for a reason. We may not know that reason for many years but there is ALWAYS a reason.

I lost my own father when he was 40 yrs old of a sudden heart attack, he was a perfectly healthy man who taught phys Ed for a living and was a gymnast to boot. His physical which included an ekg the month before showed him to be in perfect health. The autopsy showed he had a heart condition called " the widow maker". It is a weak heart muscle on the back of the heart that never shows up on tests. It can cause a sudden unexplained heart attack even while the person sleeps.

We were devastated by his passing, my mom still had two young children at home. It wasn't until many years passed that the reasons he left our lives so young became clear to us.

I know this is very difficult but time will heal (((hugs)))

[This message edited by emotionalgirl at 9:03 PM, October 18th (Friday)]

1st D day: Saturday July 20,2013
2nd D day....when the s**t really hit the fan and the truth came out.Saturday August 3,2013
3rd D day: Friday August 16, 2013...NC sent Friday Aug 30 4th D day NOV 11
Me: BS
Him: WH
Married 25 years....finally in R

Posts: 373 | Registered: Aug 2013
♀ Member
Member # 6449
Default  Posted: 9:35 PM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((freelancer)))) I am sorry for your loss of your mother. There are a lot of mixed emotions following a loved one's passing, but she loved you and would not want you to carry this burden. I hope you can find peace.

~~"You can't run away from yourself"!!! Me to my H when he descended into adultery insanity.
~~Prov.15:13 "By sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken"
~~"The day breaks-your mind aches"

Posts: 9756 | Registered: Feb 2005 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 26
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