Last night, I was thinking about all my H's OW and how I measure up, my shattered self esteem, my broken heart, my sadness, pure sadness and defeat. I was also thinking how I never want any of this to happen again. Ever. With my H cheating. I want him to fix what is broken.
Then, I started digging. "I" had feelings for someone else for years and years. And, to an extent, I still do and will always harbor secret feelings for my HS friend. A person I NEVER see or talk to. It's so bazzar.
I feel like such an asshole and relized I was a little broken, too.
Gonna see my IC first thing Monday.
This is deep stuff.
Anyway, good introspection woman!
Just curious - were you supposed to be exclusively with H2b when you had your EA?
I had a relationship with someone while I was spending a lot of time with my W, but I didn't even suggest exclusivity with either. Later, after it was clear I was hooked on my W, I dated someone else. W2b found out during R (45 years after the fact), and she felt hurt. We hadn't even talked about being exclusive at the time, but she had apparently committed to me without telling me.
I'm a bit sorry she was hurt, but if you hadn't agreed to date each other exclusively, I have a hard time thinking it's cheating.
I edit, therefore I am.
Once we were married, however, I never got close to such situations; boundaries!
I think all the learning about infidelity, the books, the reading on SI, the long talks about wayward behaviour... it all shines a great big spotlight on the issues of both the WS and the BS. IMO it's a very good thing! I have realised that I have a LOT of wayward tendencies myself and I am working on that.