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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Giving up
SerJR
♂ Member
Member # 14993
Exclaimation  Posted: 4:14 PM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sometimes itís all you can do to not feel like giving up. Iím not talking about walking away from pain or letting go of a rope thatís dragging you down. Iím talking about being so scared... so hurt... our core shaken so hard... that youíre even giving up on you. On who you are... on what you believe in. In your right to even exist in the face of the dragons that haunts us and whisper coward. On giving up hope in yourself, and letting the creeping darkness win.

Well then... come along...
Let me tell you a story.
Because I have been around the block... and I have seen a thing or two.

I have seen the most remarkable things, from the most unremarkable beginnings. I have stared into the dark abyss - I have been to the edge and beyond, and I have come back again. I have been where up is down and light meets dark. I have seen good men fall, and fallen men rise. I have seen the broken redeemed, I have seen the beaten stand, and I have seen the generosity of the damned. I have seen the weak find strength and I have seen the lost find solace. I have seen where the tiny sapling stands upon the ruins of broken hills. I have seen things more important than our fears! And I have seen how dragons fly, when the coward roars.

I have found the wisdom in the mad and I have watched love triumph against all odds. I have seen beauty through strained tears. I have heard singing in absolute silence. I have seen hope give light in absolute darkness. I have witnessed the world dissolving before me very eyes until time stood still... and I have seen the world built back and time move on. I have understood things not to be believed, and I have believed things not to be understood.

I have seen so much...
But giving up?
Iím sorry...
But I canít see that.

Because for everything I have seen, there is even more that I have not. Because with every moment of every day we are free to make a choice. And each choice breeds limitless other paths to walk. A whole future which has never happened awaits. And I have seen, that even I, donít know what we are capable of. That is an infinity of potential on an exponential scale. And that is too much of you, working in your favour, to dismiss.

So wake now, little warrior...
It is time to find your remarkable.
Wake now, little warrior...
There is work to be done.


Me: BH - Happily remarried.
Hope is never lost. It exists within you - it is real. It is not a force in and of itself - it is something that you create with every thought, action, and choice you make. It is a gift that you create for yourself.

Posts: 17093 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Further North than South
iwillNOT
♀ Member
Member # 40605
Default  Posted: 5:26 PM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for your words, they have touched me. I long to hear the singing in this silence. I cry for even a hint of the possibility of possibility...for me to someday feel the truth of your words inside my heart, seems so foreign, so inconceivable; will there ever be anything but this grey?

I will keep going, keep turning my face towards the light, and deep within my heart I will nurture the tiny ember of hope.


Me: BS, 43
Him: WH, 44
Together 21 years
Married 14 years
Kiddos 2,6,8,10
Dday#1 2004, 3 years after EA/PA co-worker MOW
Dday#2 8-6-13, 13 months EA/9months PA with co-worker MOW - caught not confessed
Rugsweep now, pay later. Ask me how I know.

Posts: 469 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Midwest
Hope2B
♀ Member
Member # 40474
Default  Posted: 5:36 PM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Beautifully written, SerJR.


Me: early 60s
Him: 65 yrs old, LTA w/a pro$titute
Married since 1980, no children
DDay: Feb. 25, 2013
Trickle Truth Days: Sept 10, 11, 13, 15 (2013)
His affair--says it was only 8 times 1x/mo, then found out it was 7 YEARS 2-3x/mo

Posts: 343 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: out west/west coast U.S.A.
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 9:15 PM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have heard singing in absolute silence.

Someday, I think we'll hear again, just this song. This time, I think, we'll remember the words. When I do, I'll write them, I'd be happy to become a copyist, because against them, trying to remember them, there is only so-called poet, howling as it turns out. Not perfected, not fully descriptive, not remembering the words or the tune, just,,,trying.
Beautiful Ser!


Posts: 6423 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
isadora
♀ Member
Member # 29130
Default  Posted: 9:48 PM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As always Ser, inspiring.


Me: BW Him: WH
Married: 10 yrs
4 children: DDs 6&4; DSs 2& baby
2 Affairs - 2010 year long PA/EA, 2008 2 month online EA
Multiple D-Days

I can only control myself, no one else. I do not have that kind of power.


Posts: 4501 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Back home again in Indiana
NoTriangles
♀ Member
Member # 35985
Default  Posted: 10:13 PM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for this....


Me: Forever Changed
Him: Traitor in my Foxhole
Let go or get dragged.

Posts: 1245 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: a state of consciousness
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 10:17 PM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Awesome


Married 32yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 60yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA 16+ years).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2738 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
Completelybroken
♀ Member
Member # 40051
Default  Posted: 12:19 AM, October 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As always- something to think on for a few days.
Thank you SerJR


Me-BS 31
Him-FWH 37
Dday-7-6-13
EA-1yr
PA sex 3-4times over three months during the EA

Posts: 93 | Registered: Jul 2013
doggiediva
♀ Member
Member # 33806
Default  Posted: 12:55 AM, October 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((SerJR)))
Thank you for these beautiful words..Are you the author? Very thought provoking and inspiring post!

I feel that many of us have days, months, even years that find us walking in the valley of the shadows...As long as we don't lose our hope for a better existence we are free..


Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

Posts: 1136 | Registered: Nov 2011
SerJR
♂ Member
Member # 14993
Default  Posted: 9:26 AM, October 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

doggiediva - yes, I wrote that after viewing an episode of Dr. Who. Within it, he talks about what he has seen and it got me reflecting on my own story and what I have (and haven't) seen. Not sure if you've ever watched it, but I heartily recommend the series.


Me: BH - Happily remarried.
Hope is never lost. It exists within you - it is real. It is not a force in and of itself - it is something that you create with every thought, action, and choice you make. It is a gift that you create for yourself.

Posts: 17093 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Further North than South
Drowninginitall
♀ Member
Member # 40968
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, October 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ser, thank you for this. Perfect for today.

Posts: 103 | Registered: Oct 2013
Take2
♀ Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, October 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great episode! Great adaptation! Thanks SerJR.


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4112 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
Raven96
♀ Member
Member # 40298
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, October 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Awesome! Again...I wish I had known about this site when my world crashed, but I am so much stronger now because of it. I appreciate everyone here so much, and it's posts like this, SerJR, that put everything in perspective. Thank you so much for this!!


Marriage isn't a test, so why cheat?

Posts: 379 | Registered: Aug 2013
Bigger
♂ Member
Member # 8354
Default  Posted: 8:33 PM, October 20th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Because with every moment of every day we are free to make a choice. And each choice breeds limitless other paths to walk.

THIS is the key. This is the path out of infidelity. This is what we old-timers tend to preach.

I truly believe that in each and every situation we have choices. These choices create change. This change creates new choices, giving us new options. OK Ė I fully acknowledge that when dealing with infidelity the choices arenít exciting. Itís no walk in the park making the decision to divorce or to work at forgiving this most treacherous of acts. But we come here to SI because we donít want to be where we are. We can change that by looking at our options and then acting on the option most likely to help us survive infidelity.



"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

Posts: 5485 | Registered: Sep 2005
Snowy
♂ Member
Member # 14028
Default  Posted: 8:57 PM, October 20th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Because with every moment of every day we are free to make a choice

I agree, this is the key. When you lose sight ogf this, this is when you have given.

As Bigger sayes, the choices may not be great,but at least there is the choice of walking away and starting a fresh.


Posts: 155 | Registered: Mar 2007
NotCoping
♀ New Member
Member # 40797
Default  Posted: 9:01 PM, October 20th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you!


Me: BW. 30 years old.
He: WH. 42 Years old. E/A with sex chat. Arranged to meet in a hotel with AP.
Us: long distance, online lovers. Now married and NOT seeking divorce.

Posts: 5 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Australia
Gr8Lady
♀ Member
Member # 36307
Default  Posted: 9:42 PM, October 20th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Powererful words, expressed by someone with the grace to share hope.

Thank you


BS: Me (63yo)
FWH: HIM (65yo) serial infidelities over past 35 years
OW: Many, most recent 1/2 his age
DD: Multiple unconfirmed until 2012 when I presented evidence, plus LTA with his friends wife lasting 10 years. TT over past year
So done,

Posts: 600 | Registered: Jul 2012
SerJR
♂ Member
Member # 14993
Default  Posted: 5:04 PM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Me: BH - Happily remarried.
Hope is never lost. It exists within you - it is real. It is not a force in and of itself - it is something that you create with every thought, action, and choice you make. It is a gift that you create for yourself.

Posts: 17093 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Further North than South
somanyyears
♂ Member
Member # 26970
Default  Posted: 8:27 AM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

..for some reason, after reading your post, I connected it to the approach of Remembrance Day and the devastation left on the battlefields of Europe.. the destruction and hopelessness and death all around as the brave men and women forged on thru the darkness of those horrific times..

..there was 'no giving up' then.. the hopes for peace and better times emerged.. and won!

..the same fears, pain and suffering after 9-11 in the hearts and minds of a world pitched into that darkness, only to rise up again into that light you speak of.. that rebuilding of hope for a new and better world.

..we all must never lose sight of that "infinity of potential" you speak of, that we all 'have work to be done' and we all 'must never give up'

..i continue to search for my own path on this unexpected journey, to find a light out of my darkness.

Posts like yours give me that hope i so desperately need; that peace of mind that so far, has elluded me.

I will not give up the search, i will not remain in this darkness forever!

I will survive.

May we all survive this battle, this war, this brutal attack of the heart.

smy

thanks SerJR.


trust no other human- love only your pets
She isn't and never was who I thought..I can't believe who I married and what she did to us.
Me 67
Her 63
Married 42 yrs (together 47)
18 yr LTA with bf


Posts: 4102 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: the sad state of affairs
Gumdropped
♀ Member
Member # 40798
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, November 7th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Beautiful words. I will return to read that post again and again. It was the first one I read this morning and it gave me HOPE. I remember my mother telling me many years ago that you can take everything else away from mankind and they will survive, but take away hope and most likely all is lost. I hope that you can post that wonderful post in the healing library!


Me: 56
Him: 60
Together 2 1/2 years


Living together 14 months
D day May 13th 2013
R


Posts: 192 | Registered: Sep 2013
Topic Posts: 22
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