Are you in IC? MC? Have you read anything that is helpful? We both read, After the Affair by Janis A Spring, How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair and the 5 Love Languages. I have read most of the articles in the Healing Library as did he.
Feeling closer after such a betrayal is very difficult and takes time. It's really what you do in that time though.
We will have our 16th Anniversary in November. At first I wanted to think that we should only have 13 years together - not 16 bc afterall, he was unfaithful for 3 of our anniversary's. But you know what? We said for better/worse in those vows. This is the worse. I am keeping those three years too. We have a chance at something better from here on out.
No pressure for you to do anything to "celebrate". Do as you please. I just hope you can start to move forward in a way that make sense for you.
[This message edited by LA44 at 9:11 PM, October 18th (Friday)]
We watched tv shows all day. It was an awful birthday but it was no stress. Don't feel like you have to even spend it with him
[This message edited by lauren123 at 8:51 PM, October 18th (Friday)]
Maybe when you go away, you could agree about some things in advance( no big anniversary gestures, if that is what you want. Or, big huge gestures, if you want that.). Treat it as a chance to spend some time together, taking a break from affair discussions just to try to comfort each other and focus on each other lovingly?
I don't know if this is helpful for you, but you WILL make it through this. You can do it.
Recently, I made him get me copies of his cell phone bills as far back as he could get, which turned out to be a year. I found out he called a prostitute on our anniversary this year. He didn't see her (allegedly), but the damage is done. Who calls a prostitute on your anniversary? I can't imagine ever celebrating that day again.
I already warned my mother to not send us a card (she always did). I told him that day has been stolen from me forever. He says we can get it back. I don't know how. I can not imagine what I will do that day. Just no clue.