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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Happy DDay to me...
tryingagain74
♀ Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 11:26 PM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

At about 4:00 pm this afternoon two years ago, I found XWH's open email with messages to a woman I'd never heard of before.

Two years later... well, it's been a rollercoaster. Once I emerged from the initial pain, opened up and told people, went to a support group, joined SI, and started moving on with my life, so many great things have happened. My kids and I have settled into a great little home, we are largely happy and well-adjusted, my job fits in beautifully with my kids' schedules, I've joined a singing group, and I spend a lot of time with great friends and family whenever I can. I have many blessings in my life, and I think that I'm much more content in many ways than I was when I was married.

The downside is that XWH married the OW, and they continue to be emotionally-stunted and insensitive despite their great showy demonstrations of blended family life. They intrude on my peaceful little life through what they do to my kids, so that part of things still really sucks.

Where do I go from here? I think that I just want to keep things as stable and comfortable as possible for myself and the kids. We're on a good path right now, though I need to work on being less stressed out by everything. I also want to work more at attaining the state of "meh" when it comes to XWH and the Owife. It's hard because of what happens with the kids, but I'm hoping that as more time passes, I will get there.

Anyway, I think I'll celebrate my DDay tomorrow with a fabulous cup of coffee purchased at my favorite coffee shop and some time with my kids and other family members. This DDay "season" hasn't been easy-- I still felt the sadness creeping in as the weather cooled and the leaves started changing-- but it has actually been easier than last year. I still feel the sadness, but it hasn't enveloped me like it did-- it's more like the occasional twinge here and there.

If you're going through a recent DDay, remember that with time there is hope and the promise of a better future. It's not what any of us wants to hear, but it's very true. I'm certainly in a far better place than I was two years ago today.


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3620 | Registered: Oct 2011
sodamnlost
♀ Member
Member # 37190
Default  Posted: 11:33 PM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds like a good way to handle the day!

I got the words LIVE FREE tattooed on my wrists on my first Dday last month. I chose to look at that day as a new beginning. The beginning of a life without chains. Sounds like you are doing the same thing YAY for healing!!


If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's not a fluffy pink unicorn squirting liquid rainbows, complete with pots of gold out of it's ass.

Posts: 769 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Nowhere pretty
sunsetslost
♂ Member
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 11:47 PM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd buy you the coffee if I could. Peace, happiness and strength to you and your children


Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

Posts: 773 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: The beach.
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 11:48 PM, October 18th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congratulations on thriving since your Dday!! Thank you for sharing ~ I think it is so important for our newer members to hear from those of us who've BTDT that life is different but can be so so good.

My dday was early October and the day he walked out will be next week? I have to look at my journal to remember the actual date. This is my new "normal" and I am happy.

@sodamnlost: Awesome tattoo!! Love it!! For what would have been my 20th wedding anniversary, I started having my tattoo of stbx's initial lasered off my ankle!! Yeeeehaaaa! Hurts like hell but soooooo worth it!


Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2270 | Registered: Oct 2012
Vulcanized
♀ Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 2:02 AM, October 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((TA)))

Embrace your new life. Not much else to do.

FWIW, I want a tattoo that says 'il amo tuo destino' - love your fate.

FTG & FOW. You & kiddies, that's all that matters.


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 764 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 2:35 AM, October 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Beautiful post. I need to work on my "meh" too!


(((tryingagain74)))


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17838 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 1:13 PM, October 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Awesome post trying! Year 2 was tough for me, so you are well on the road to healing.

I remember the sadness coming in waves, then the waves got smaller and no longer knocked me down.

Now the twinges are very rare. Life is good.

Enjoy the heck out of that coffee.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17493 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 3:25 PM, October 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy DDay, girlie!

You can enjoy that coffee, and there is nothing "bitter" about it!

You are in a MUCH better place, I have seen the path, and I am glad you are here and no longer there.

Welcome to the rest of your life.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5859 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Topic Posts: 8

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