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User Topic: Healing Moments
2oldforthis
♀ Member
Member # 19825
Default  Posted: 7:30 AM, October 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Below is a page from a book I am reading. I really liked how this was worded. Thought I would pass it on.


I have a term for the
conversations that you and your partner have about his affair. I call these repeated conversations
The Mode
A huge part of my recovery program is getting into The Mode. You're in The Mode when the victim is running her pump venting and asking questions and the aldulterer is handling her with patience, kindness, sensitivity, gentleness, and love.

Every time the two of you have an in The Mode interaction about his adultery, it is a healing moment. It might not seem to be because the postitive impact is not felt immediately. After one of these conversations, you won't smile and hug your husband and say, "Hey thanks for listening and answering all my questions. That was a real healing moment." Even if he has done a good job and handled himself well, you may still stomp off in a fury with reactivated pain. But underneath, a connection was made.

A little bit of understanding, a little bit of respect, a little bit of trust was created. A little bit of healing took place. When you've had a certain number of these healing moments. the two of you and your marriage will be well on the way to recovering from his adultery.


He did not see what he had in me, what I saw in him I did not have!

Love kills slowly.


Posts: 1648 | Registered: Jun 2008
Drowninginitall
♀ Member
Member # 40968
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, October 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks. This helps me a lot to read today and is how I have been feeling...slowly.

Posts: 111 | Registered: Oct 2013
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, October 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for sharing this 2old. I feel that is what happened with FWH and I and it did work in that manner for us.

This could be an especially good encouragement to WS's who don't feel that their talking/interactions about the infidelity is helping in the healing process.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9831 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
struggling3
♀ Member
Member # 34671
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, October 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's been a huge part of the healing process for us. Boy some of those nights and conversations were raw and hard beyond belief on the both of us. We always (without exception) felt so much better afterwards though. Maybe not that very second but certainly by the next day after a night's sleep. Don't stop talking...it's key!!!


Me - BS 55
H - WS 57/very remorseful and supportive
Kids 29, 26, 22
D-Day 8-5-11
discovered 4 month long EA
R - slow and steady but very optimistic

Posts: 320 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
WhatsRight
♀ Member
Member # 35417
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, October 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hate to be cynical, but do you ever notice that those of us reading these books,articles, etc., are usually the BS?

It is such a great excerpt. It would be so fabulous, though, if my WH was proactive and reading something like this---or even interested if I shared it with him!


"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy


Posts: 1889 | Registered: Apr 2012
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, October 19th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ain't that the fucking truth, WhatsRight!


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9831 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Topic Posts: 6

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