last time I called the police they said they cant do anything cause im married yet. but I do own the home prior to marriage. I just hope once he leaves I can keep him out legally. he may steal my dogs or start my house on fire. I have kids so we cant leave. plus I work out of town so i cant keep my eye on it all the time.
im a nervous wreck. not about leaving, omg this has been the easiest decision ever... just about him harming me, my kids or the house. he has not made threats so I cant do a restraining order (heck I have been choked by an ex and I didnt win an order in the past)
I just wish to move forward and he wants to drag it out. been a yr and a few months since he has a job. sigh. I chose him. & stayed this long. its my fault. just happy to see it and excited for my future.
[This message edited by lifestoshort at 10:40 PM, October 19th (Saturday)]
What did your attorney say about the risks you are concerned about?
Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling
hearing is not till DEC!
story escalated tonight tho and police were called and escorted him to leave. they made a deal with him. and they said if he returns tonight it will be BAD for him. he would not hand over keys and they told me I can change locks as many times as I want. I will promptly in morn as its 1:30am now.
I was worried for my and childrens life. he did not threaten me but he kept asking me questions about me coming downstairs to watch tv. I was upsatirs on computer. he kept spying in on me. I would shut puter.
I got in bed and he comes in and starts a fight cause I am laying on his pillow (just to give you an idea of how dumb) I hand over the pillow and he flips out- use the damn pillow! and hes also getting mad as I take his stuff and pile it up.
he sits on bed and says why are you doing this. you enjoy fighting with me. you are so stubborn. I said leave my room. no its my room too. please leave. no! now I am yelling with kids sleeping. get out! you are making me uncomfortable! Im going to call police. no you wont. dont you dare.
just leave! he tells me to stop yelling at him and to never do it again. I call police. give address quickly. yes he has a knife. he has assault charge. please hurry he wont leave room and I am stuck. she says stay on phone with me. now he is standing by door w hand on knob, he wont let me leave...
i hide in my closet. they arrive and he goes off w his story.
they come in and I calmly say I filed, here are the papers- he keeps starting fights, jealous, following me etc. Im scared.
they say he is lying about alot and think he's a big talker. they help me a TON. they say we cant make him go but will get him to go.
so he's gone. im shaking and he's gone.
I heard him saying over and over, when can I call her? can I text?
then he wants his pillow and stupid crap so the police have to come in and get it.
he's texting me as I write this. I hope for my childrens sake I dont get killed. hes an angry person and dilusional. "i" did this to him.
he wants to come back tomorrow to get stuff. really?! that soon. he's simply insane. he cant even blow steam off.
It's awful that you have to be in fear right now. Can you file a restraining order? Ask the police or their victim advocate if they have any options to consider for safety.
i suppose if he keeps showing up it will look bad. the cops didn't seem to like him much. they were quite kind to me.
hes accusing me of lying to them tonight. all I said was he started a fight, would not leave and i got scared. i told them i was divorcing, here's the papers and hes a controlling obsessive jealous being. i also told them he had assaults on record which they cant see on his record. so they think he made it up.
[This message edited by lifestoshort at 2:30 AM, October 20th (Sunday)]
now, where can I go to get a sweep on puter? or can I do it? I want to make sure he is not getting all my info and passwords.
what do I do as far as bills go? I typically pay them in full every month. we have charge cards, heat, electric, phone etc. Im not asking for any mortgage, taxes or anything of that sort.
[This message edited by lifestoshort at 2:59 PM, October 20th (Sunday)]
I did hear police ask for the knife and he asked if he would get it back. they said yes, when you are off the premises. WHAT?! so he can turn around in an hr and kill me with it? stupid.
[This message edited by lifestoshort at 3:37 PM, October 20th (Sunday)]
he's still calling my people, my friends, family, ex's.
police called me at 7am this morning. my id said private number and I thought perhaps it was a call to say he had killed himself. Nope. not so lucky. the police just telling me that he had lied about something and letting me know they talked to him.
doesnt matter tho. theyve told him alot and he still does it.
my friend wants to lend me a gun. Im for sure getting some form of weapon today. pepperspray a taser. something!
Your life is in danger. The lives of your children are in danger.
I have lived the life of an abused wife. I know that when you live with mental, emotional and psychological abuse it totally warps your sense of reality. It slows your reaction times, clouds your thinking. You end up minimizing what's happening because your mind doesn't want to accept reality.
That is what's been happening with you. Your life is in danger. You need to take strong action TODAY and make plans TODAY which could potentially make the difference between life & death.
This is a life or death situation you and your children are in.
I'm glad your locks are changed. That's an important first step. I also want you to install alarms on your doors & windows. You can easily get these & install yourself. They are magnetic, they stick in place so no tools are required. They will blast out 100 db if they are triggered. You need to install these alarms and tell your neighbors what's happening. Let them be additional eyes & ears. I had to do this. I told my neighbors about my fear for my life. Every one of them agreed to watch out for me.
You need to pack a "go bag" TODAY and have it hidden in your car or hidden at a neighbor's yard (with their permission). It should have copies of your ID, SS card, kids' birth certificates, copies of your credit cards, extra cash, extra checks, keys to everything, phone numbers & addresses of your safe people, titles & deeds of your property/vehicles, shoes & socks for you & your kids (don't bother with clothes or undies, if you need to flee you only need shoes), one small toy for each kid, any absolutely precious heirloom or personal possession you cannot live without, prescription meds & inhalers (even if just one day's worth).
You need to talk with your kids about what to do if there is an emergency and someone is breaking in your home and/or attacking you. This was by far the hardest thing for me to do. My kids now know which neighbors to run to for help. They know multiple ways to escape the house if the front door is blocked by an intruder. They know how to jump off the roof and that it's better to break your leg than be murdered in the house. They know ways to hide in the yard in the bushes. They know that if Mommy is being attacked they need to run & call 911 at the neighbor's house, not jump into the attack & try to help.
You need to take half an hour today & locate the nearest police or fire station. Make sure you know how to drive and walk there. Locate the nearest 24-hour convenience mart and gas station. Make sure you know how to drive and walk there.
Call your local domestic violence hotline. Today. Call them and find out what resources are available in your area. I know it's embarrassing to make this call. I know this because I had to make this call for myself. Call them. This could be the difference between life & death.
I know I'm coming on strong in this response. That's because I recognize the danger you're in. I know how foggy & muddled one's brain gets when one goes through this. The good people here and IRL goaded me into action back when I was in your position. They didn't let me rest until I'd made plans and got myself & my kids to safety.
Speaking of that, I went so far as to take my kids & fled town when STBX got served. We hid in another town in a hotel for several days. Just in case. Perhaps you should consider doing the same?
[This message edited by Nature_Girl at 11:30 AM, October 21st (Monday)]
I do not know why the police are not doing their job. He is threatening you. He is stalking you. You should not even have to press charges. The women's shelter or abuse hotline can help you work through what you need to do to get safer.
FYI, it doesn't matter if you are married or not. If he threatened a stranger walking down the street the police wouldn't say, Oh you're not married, so let it go. Seriously.
I would not recommend getting a gun from a friend. Just saying...
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.
friends and family know of the situation. I may get the gun. for sure I will have other means of defense. also another reason I want to keep dog. he barks very loud when someone is making noise or trying to get in. I like that. the other dog is a pup and has no clue.
I have a lawyer I saw in the past for this case but cannot recall his name. HE is who I want. I hope I can find the info somehow!
I cannot go to a shelter w all my kids, or my animals. I do not have the income to kennel them and try to go on with life, work and taking care of kids who need normality and not be involved. the police station is 4 blocks from my home. I can walk there. we have a case started and people know who we are.
I wont be a victim in this. Im strong. I have my head on straight and I am plowing forward.
[This message edited by lifestoshort at 2:31 PM, October 21st (Monday)]
I have a feeling he will be moving out of state by Dec.