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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Hemoved her in and she met my in-laws
lost4now
♀ Member
Member # 21634
Default  Posted: 3:51 AM, October 20th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And so it begins! My STBXH helped her get a new job in our town, she moved into his apartment and she has met my in-laws. HURTS! I have known my in-laws since I was 13. My STBXH and I started dating when we were 17. I still live in our marital home right next door to them!

It feels like such a violation. The two of them are just awful. I have always been the favorite daughter in law. I guess all that will change now. The in-laws told me that they never wanted to meet her.


BS - ME 43
WH 44
Married 20 years
DDay #1 12/28/07
DDay #2 9/18/08
DDay #3 12/28/08
Dday #4 11/18/10 (same OW)
Dday #5 8/22/12 (same OW)
2 beautiful daughters
"Love grows where it is nurtured and dies where it is not!"

Posts: 841 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: NJ
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 4:59 AM, October 20th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((lost4now))

Blood is thicker than water. In order to have a relationship with their son they are going to have to deal with OW.

I feel for my XILs - I really do. They are stuck between a rock and a hard place. They cannot have a relationship with me because of my fraught relationship with their son/brother - they cannot choose me over him (I know some ILs do but that is very, very rare).

xMIL and XSILs all expressed their disappointment in the sad clown to me during False R. They all think he is a damn fool but he is their damn fool so what can they do.

I'm sorry you're hurting honey. This is another slice of that shit sandwich. Infidelity impacts everyone around us too.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Thefly559
♂ Member
Member # 40268
Default  Posted: 5:48 AM, October 20th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just letting you know you are not alone. I too am in this boat. Stay strong !!


"what does not kill you , makes you stronger"

Posts: 678 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: nyc
Chrysalis123
♀ Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 9:41 AM, October 20th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((( Lost)))))))

I am so sorry. It hurts like hell.


Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†

Posts: 2706 | Registered: Jan 2010
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, October 20th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((lost)))) I'm so sorry, honey.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25716 | Registered: Aug 2011
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 9:57 AM, October 20th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As I like to say, "Blood is thicker than morality". It is what it is. If one of my kids screwed up royally, I would still have a very hard time walking away from them.

Try not to take it personally, it is just another part of the fallout.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4182 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Pippy
♀ Member
Member # 16482
Default  Posted: 11:05 AM, October 20th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Losing the love and support of your in-laws is another betrayal. I was the fav D-I-L for 30 years and then my M-I-L invited my WH and OW for supper 3 weeks after I was blind-sided, because she felt we "should all be able to be friends".

A great lady but not very bright.

[This message edited by Pippy at 11:06 AM, October 20th (Sunday)]


I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend.
M 30 yrs.


Posts: 9588 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: East of the Rockies
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 11:50 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm just coming on mere hours away from having to hear about this very thing.

I'm trying to decide what to do because I don't feel that IL's who support and meet Fatty B also support me. Oh, they say the "right" words, but the actions are so wrong.

We are not even divorced and he is forcing the A out into the sunlight, bringing Ow around and having people to visit the rock they live under. I cannot be "friends" with someone who is "friends" with that person, as I said, and they are going to get a conk in the head if they push too far.

Unfortunately I have a back bone, too, and this is the top of my threshold. He is also dragging DD into the mess and she is driving people nuts talking non stop about her "new life" with daddy and she is confused, feeling accepted by him in his wrongness.

The ache to hear and see knows no bounds. When I tried to discuss with him, he got very, very snotty.

So I speak/contact with him absolutely no more.

You know what? When I say this to some of them, they get angry and have lectured me that I am disappointing "the family" by not taking part of things anymore.

Excuse me?

This is a sore spot, for sure.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2287 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
tryingagain74
♀ Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry, lost. The same thing happened to me (only my dopey XWH actually married the OW). He pushed to have our divorce moved up several months earlier, and they were married one month after the divorce was final. He then took her on the annual summer vacation with his parents that we've been taking our kids on since our eldest was born, and that was a very bitter pill for me to swallow. A small part of me hoped that the ILs would tell him that she wasn't welcome, but alas, they want a relationship with their son, so they have to accept his wayward behavior and new choice of partner. I've known them since I was 20, and although they are still nice to me (and MIL reaches out now and again over email), I definitely feel "replaced."

It totally sucks. I'm sorry that you have to have it rubbed in your face since you live next door. Is there any way that you can move? At least my ILs are LD, so I don't have to worry about running into them or seeing them with XWH and the Ofamily. It will probably help with your healing if you can put some distance between you.

(((lost4now)))

[This message edited by tryingagain74 at 1:39 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday)]


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3620 | Registered: Oct 2011
lost4now
♀ Member
Member # 21634
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TA74.....We are in the process of selling our marital home. As soon as it sells I will be moving. I really cannot wait to put some distance between myself and the inlaws and the STBXH. THEN I can begin my new life and put most of this behind me. The scar will always remain unfortunately. I am hoping the wound will heal.


BS - ME 43
WH 44
Married 20 years
DDay #1 12/28/07
DDay #2 9/18/08
DDay #3 12/28/08
Dday #4 11/18/10 (same OW)
Dday #5 8/22/12 (same OW)
2 beautiful daughters
"Love grows where it is nurtured and dies where it is not!"

Posts: 841 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: NJ
Feeling Consumed
♀ Member
Member # 30592
Default  Posted: 3:46 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can sooooo relate to this and you are right - it is so incredibly hurtful. Ex-shat brought his hoW to his parent's state to introduce her to them as his "girlfriend"... Stupid - fucking 60 year old with a girlfriend - what a freak. Anyway, they then came up to visit ex&ow at their NEW house they just bought together. How nice they can be one big fucking happy family. And did my ILs stop to see me while they were in this area (8 hours from where they live) - hell no. I guess that whole "I don't care what happens, you'll always be my daughter" was one big steaming pile of bullshit. I hate him and everyone that spawned him.


Spent half my life with an Ahole
D final!!! 11-11

"Obladi oblada life goes on...."


Posts: 344 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Wisconsin
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 11:02 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My STBXH doesn't have a steady OW, he was into casual encounters. It is still awkward with my ILs.

I may not have been replaced, but I have disappeared from the family. Not necessarily by choice, but it still happened.

At the end of the day, blood is thicker than water.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1860 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 2:04 AM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((lost4now))))) I hope the house sells soon so that you can have a fresh new start!!

My stbx is estranged from his father/stepmother and mother/stepfather. I have always been close to mother/stepfather but I know there will come a day that I will have to step back. It is more important for her and her son to have some type of relationship and when that happens, I will accept the inevitable. That will be hard


Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2268 | Registered: Oct 2012
Dawn58
♀ Member
Member # 37656
Default  Posted: 5:45 AM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My STBX brought the other woman to visit the inlaws within a month of Dday. I was pretty devastated and upset about it, but I know they will support their son. The last time I spoke to my mother-in-law the shift had already happened as she was blaming me for the affair. Done with that woman!!!

It is very painful and hurts because I felt that I had been replaced in that family, just another situation where I felt the loss, knowing that I had been replaced.

Fill your life with people who love YOU, I found that to be so helpful and to focus on that and not on the things that I have lost. I have gone through so many levels of lost with this.

You will create a new life for yourself. Try to see what that is going to look like.

((hugs))


I got into the marriage, because I loved him. I got out of the marriage, because I love me.

Posts: 479 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Southern California
Topic Posts: 14

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