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User Topic: Visiting the lawyer
maddmurph
♂ Member
Member # 40940
Default  Posted: 9:27 PM, October 20th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What questions should I ask?

I want to know my options, but my options with what? I guess the children and the house. What else should I be worried about?


Me - BS, 33
Her - WW, 33
DS 7, DD 3

Posts: 129 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: OH
headdesk
♀ Member
Member # 40787
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, October 20th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Division of assets and alimony are two I can tick off the top of my head. A good lawyer will walk you through the whole considerations fairly well I'd think.


Me: 39
WH: 42
DDay:Sep 19 2013 (only TT of EA)
Oct 4th 2013 revealed PA through snooping.
Marred 16 years, together for 20. Looking to R at this time. We have awesome kids (12/14).

Posts: 273 | Registered: Sep 2013
Hope2B
♀ Member
Member # 40474
Default  Posted: 1:37 AM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Also ask about health coverage (i.e. who provides it now, who will provide it in the future and for how long, and how will the children be covered for future health issues).

Depending on number of years married and if you are in a community property state, there might also be considerations for retirement investments, savings accounts etc.


Me: early 60s
Him: 64 yrs old, LTA w/a pro$titute
Married since 1980, no children
DDay: Feb. 25, 2013
Trickle Truth Days: Sept 10, 11, 13, 15 (2013)
His affair--says it was only 8 times 1x/mo, then found out it was 7 YEARS 2-3x/mo

Posts: 259 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: out west/west coast U.S.A.
maddmurph
♂ Member
Member # 40940
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK appointment confirmed. Childcare arranged. We are a good. Unless of course I chicken out.


Me - BS, 33
Her - WW, 33
DS 7, DD 3

Posts: 129 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: OH
Healing2012
♀ Member
Member # 35238
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You will be OK. I felt really weird about going, but I kept telling myself that it was to get some information and to get a little control back in my life (considering that I felt so out of control after D-Day). I tried to look at it as a fact-gathering mission and I did my best to not bring my emotions in the room with me.

I hope all goes well with your appointment...


BS: Me (40)
WS: Husband (46)
Married 8 years
Two children 5 & 17 (my stepson)
D-day #1: 12/18/11
D-day #2: 8/26/12 (still in contact w/ OW)
Status: Separated - not R, not D.

Posts: 351 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Midwest
Swims
♀ Member
Member # 30992
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't chicken out, Murph! I remember my consultation with my attorney.... I was a wreck! But I ended up feeling much better when I found out my rights should there be a divorce. Knowledge gives you power. Good luck!

Posts: 99 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: East Coast
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 12:10 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is one of those things in life that you are scared shitless to do, because it makes the situation very real, but when you are done, you feel a lot better, and much more at peace.

I visited an attorney prior to Dday, I knew he was up to no good, but couldn't get proof. I was done though, I had it. 7 months of being treated like I was hired help that never did anything right. Something had to change. So I felt I had to get answers before taking any next steps. It was VERY helpful. Heck she even gave me the name of MC that others had used and didn't D. We went to him too (after Dday).

Be ready to have financial information ready. How much you owe on your home, outstanding debt, assets, retirement etc.

((((and strength))))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 14 & 16
Married for 21 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 6538 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Pippy
♀ Member
Member # 16482
Default  Posted: 12:53 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I made copies of everything financial plus vehicle registrations, health plans, deeds, bills, his SSN etc. and gave a copy to my L when needed. It cut a lot off my bill and helped her see the general picture.

Also make friends with his/her legal assistant, because lawyers get busy and don't get back to you as fast as you'd like. The legal assistant who answers the phone can often answer your question and that saves on billing too.

Make sure you get a good one referred by those who have been there. It will pay in the end. If you have to try several, pick the best sharks in town and then WS can't use them because of conflict of interest.


I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend.
M 30 yrs.


Posts: 9584 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: East of the Rockies
maddmurph
♂ Member
Member # 40940
Default  Posted: 1:27 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sitting waiting for lawyer. Trying not to be sick on the rug.


Me - BS, 33
Her - WW, 33
DS 7, DD 3

Posts: 129 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: OH
maddmurph
♂ Member
Member # 40940
Default  Posted: 5:40 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well. That went WAY better than expected. We haven't been married long enough for spousal support. We have no equity in the house so I can just assume it if I want to. I work from home so I can watch them while I work. We don't need child care now, so if I continue that it would offset the child support. Bonus time with them too. We lease the one car, that's in my name so I would just keep that. She can have my yit heap car that we own outright. She basically has the most to lose. I just lose half the nights.


Me - BS, 33
Her - WW, 33
DS 7, DD 3

Posts: 129 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: OH
Truly
♀ Member
Member # 40715
Default  Posted: 5:51 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well done maddmurph,

It's never as bad as you think it's going to be;after all, the lawyer you hire works for you.

I hope it's clarified some thoughts and that you can start to see a path through this.
(((hugs)))


There are dark shadows on the earth, but its lights are stronger in the contrast.
Charles Dickens


Posts: 230 | Registered: Sep 2013
wifehad5
♂ Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 6:03 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It helps to know your options, doesn't it?


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 35291 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
maddmurph
♂ Member
Member # 40940
Default  Posted: 7:44 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I actually feel like I have some power. It was a little fun having her panic trying to find out where I was. The icing was being in a cell dead zone and my phone dropping the call I could even pick up.


Me - BS, 33
Her - WW, 33
DS 7, DD 3

Posts: 129 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: OH
Hope2B
♀ Member
Member # 40474
Default  Posted: 3:16 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The more information you have, the better decisions you can make.


Me: early 60s
Him: 64 yrs old, LTA w/a pro$titute
Married since 1980, no children
DDay: Feb. 25, 2013
Trickle Truth Days: Sept 10, 11, 13, 15 (2013)
His affair--says it was only 8 times 1x/mo, then found out it was 7 YEARS 2-3x/mo

Posts: 259 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: out west/west coast U.S.A.
Topic Posts: 14

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