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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: OW allows 10-year-old to see her naked
flygirl123
♀ Member
Member # 32672
Default  Posted: 11:41 PM, October 20th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My beautiful 10-year-old son comes home from his Dad's house for weekend visit only to tell me that the howrecker left the ONLY bathroom door standing wide open while she was naked. He saw her.

I'm pissed.


Me...40 and fabulous
WXH...just plain stupid
DS's...9,7 and 6
DDays that are too numerous to mention...but no longer have relevance.

Posts: 230 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Illinois Cornfields
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:22 AM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would report this to my lawyer & possibly the authorities (if you think this was a deliberate accident).


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9459 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 1:21 AM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


That's abusive. Does he have a therapist? I feel so sorry for your DS.


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2138 | Registered: Oct 2012
shiloe
♀ Member
Member # 1224
Default  Posted: 6:14 AM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a eff'n whore, really, you can't close the door?

I would let Dad know that he needs to tell his Ho to keep it covered when DS is there or you are going to look into indecent exposure charges.


But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 54
Cheater -54
Married 26 yrs
DD - 21 DD -19 DS-17
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA with married ho-worker. Kicked him out, he filed

Posts: 586 | Registered: Mar 2003
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 6:15 AM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yuck. Just yuck.

What the fuck is wrong with her. He is 10 FFS.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5526 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
flygirl123
♀ Member
Member # 32672
Default  Posted: 7:29 AM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I told the boys' "dad" that I would appreciate it if she would make an effort while they are there to keep her clothes on and/or the door locked if she didnt.

He freaked out and called our son a liar.

He then told me to "fuck off.

Nice.


Me...40 and fabulous
WXH...just plain stupid
DS's...9,7 and 6
DDays that are too numerous to mention...but no longer have relevance.

Posts: 230 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Illinois Cornfields
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 7:40 AM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would be very pissed too, flygirl. But I would broach it calmly to your ex, informing him of this and of your concern.

This would be a first step. Don't make any decisions (IMO) at this time, like contacting DCF. But the fact is your children are legally required to be in an environment that is moral and suitable for their age.

This is just wrong, and I hope that addressing it calmly will put a stop to it.

If it does not stop, then gloves off.

(Oops, I hadn't read your last posting before posting my response. What a dick. In this case, make it clear that there will be consequences if this continues.)

[This message edited by Abbondad at 7:43 AM, October 21st (Monday)]


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1585 | Registered: Dec 2012
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 8:12 AM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fuck me. Now your son is going to be raked over the coals for this by his POS father.

I'd be moving towards legal action. Is your son in IC? If not I would strongly suggest involving an IC.

That is just NOT normal. If it was an accident she would (should) be mortified. What if it is not an accident? Yuck.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5526 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Since XH didn't react well to your request, I'd definitely pursue the legal angle. If the genders were reversed and a man had exposed himself to DS or DD, he'd be thrown in jail.

If DS is in IC, the C may be a mandatory reporter.

Check with your lawyer to see what your responsibility is to protect your child. I was told that if I suspected abuse by STBX or OW during visitation, I could be held responsible for child endangerment if I didn't report it or end visitation. You need to protect yourself and DS.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1623 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Since XH didn't react well to your request, I'd definitely pursue the legal angle. If the genders were reversed and a man had exposed himself to DS or DD, he'd be thrown in jail.
If DS is in IC, the C may be a mandatory reporter.

Check with your lawyer to see what your responsibility is to protect your child. I was told that if I suspected abuse by STBX or OW during visitation, I could be held responsible for child endangerment if I didn't report it or end visitation. You need to protect yourself and DS.

This!!!


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9459 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Undefinabl3
♀ Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My beautiful 10-year-old son comes home from his Dad's house for weekend visit only to tell me that the howrecker left the ONLY bathroom door standing wide open while she was naked. He saw her.

I was going to at least TRY to give her the benefit of the doubt...you know - was it at like 7am when most kids are asleep.

But honestly - i have a hard time being naked in front of my 4 year old!

This is beyond me.

I also agree with Gemini71...if the genders were reversed this would be an arrestable offense.


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1694 | Registered: Sep 2012
flygirl123
♀ Member
Member # 32672
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have an appointment already scheduled with my attorney on Wednesday...so I sent an email to him to give him a heads up about one of the things we obviously need to discuss.

It is sad that I have to deal with this shit...and beyond tragic that this is the life that this asshole thinks is appropriate for my children.


Me...40 and fabulous
WXH...just plain stupid
DS's...9,7 and 6
DDays that are too numerous to mention...but no longer have relevance.

Posts: 230 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Illinois Cornfields
ruinedandbroken
♀ Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 10:04 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How fucking disgusting. What an effing whore.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1563 | Registered: Aug 2010
painfulpast
♀ Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 5:31 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He called your son a liar???

So she can sleep with a married man, but it's beneath her to leave a door open?

Are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me?

He's certainly father of the year, huh? And this tramp needs this much validation that she wants to be the star of a 10 year old's fantasies? What a completely disgusting pig. Seriously - I would ask the lawyer if it's possible to have your H have only supervised visitation or that OW needs to leave during visitation. If she isn't bright enough to see this is wrong, and XH won't even address it, then let the courts tell her how 'inappropriate' her behavior is.

I used quotes around inappropriate, because I really meant whorish.

How sad for your children that their father is choosing some pig over them.


It's so easy to believe someone when they're telling you exactly what you want to hear.....

Posts: 1853 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
ChoosingHope
♀ Member
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 8:01 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't believe he called your son a liar. Good luck with your attorney tomorrow.

I hope something can be done. Are you documenting everything? I'm sure you are.

Unbelievably sad.


Posts: 1631 | Registered: Oct 2011
nealos
♂ Member
Member # 35284
Default  Posted: 8:33 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This may be obvious, but have you talked to your kid about what's going on? ...if he tells you that he saw OW naked at Dad's house, then all of a sudden he's not allowed to see Dad, that could be really confusing. Without some download of information or discussion around boundaries, the message is: "if I tell Mom about Dad's house, then I'll be taken away from Dad." That's obviously not your intent, and I think your actions are to protect him from nuanced sexual abuse. He needs to know that it's generally not okay for an adult to be naked in front of a child-- that what you're doing it because you love him-- and he should have the space to ask questions and express his feelings to you (and probably a therapist).

Your child sharing with you about something confusing & shameful like sex/nudity is a gift. You're obviously a good parent. Good luck!

[This message edited by nealos at 8:35 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday)]


31yo WS-SA

“When we disclose the thought and intents of our hearts in surrender, we identify with one another at depth.”


Posts: 258 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: 5280'
Iamhappytoday
♀ Member
Member # 39051
Default  Posted: 11:04 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow.

Just...wow. Growing up I saw my mom and my step-mom (not a homewrecker, very good lady), naked a handful of times and I mean once or twice. Being as how we were all female it wasn't anything tawdry or weird, and they were very aware of being modest, but also not flaunting. My mom seemed exceptionally uncomfortable, actually. If a member of the opposite sex had done that you better believe some bells would have been rung.

What awful behavior you are dealing with.

I gotta say by the time my step-mom was nude around me I was probably at least into puberty, they'd been married for years, I'd known her my whole life, and we discussed female related things. They were each just changing clothes while I was in the room talking to them.

(not at the same time, of course!) ;)

I give those experiences as examples of nudity that was not inappropriate, to highlight the difference that your son's experience was exceptionally inappropriate.

Your situation is different, wrong, and who doesn't know to close a door??????

Nobody.

What trash.

[This message edited by Iamhappytoday at 11:10 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday)]


BW 39
WH 34
2DD's 15 months at start
Together 10 years, M 9
OW 22 CW, 2kids by 2 men & youngest less than 1 when affair started.
Dday 1 8/16/12 "just texting"
TT, gaslighting, denial; was always PA; he left me for her.

Posts: 132 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Free!!!
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ewwwwwww!
Sometimes I wonder what goes thru ppls head. Yuck! My son hasn't seen me naked sense he was very little except on accident and we both screamed and I ran to shut the door. I didn't know he came home! EMBARRASSING!


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2661 | Registered: Aug 2011
Heal&Deal
♀ Member
Member # 30910
Default  Posted: 11:38 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay, I have to lean to the other side of the boat here.

Now if she was dancing naked in the living room, not okay. But, I'm getting that she just forgot to shut the door or could have momentarily opened it to air the bathroom. If she is not used to your son being there full time, this could be an easy mistake, especially if in a hurry.

Am I missing something here? Do you suspect that she was purposefully exposing herself to your son? Is this a pattern of behavior with her? Was she engaging in inappropriate behavior when he saw her?

And...no, I do not think that if a little girl saw a grown man shaving naked in the bathroom mirror, because the door was left ajar, there would be grounds for a charge. I personally walked in on my stepdad a few times. What I learned? Knock when a door is closed. Announce your presence before enter a bedroom or bathroom that is not yours.

My 3 yo, burst through the bathroom door a few weeks ago when my SO was using the toilet. The door was closed, but not locked. SO simply said, "I am using the toilet and would like some privacy. We can talk when I am finished." DS jabbered on about whatever he needed to tell SO and then left. The door does not lock, because DS locked himself in once and I had to remove the doorknob, so safety takes precedence and the doorknob was switched for a non locking model, until DS can consistently manipulate the lock.

The fact is, when people share living space, they are bound to see one another naked on occasion.

What is egregious is XH's reaction. What a jerk. Why could he not simply offer to caution AP to be more careful about closing the door when disrobing?

[This message edited by Heal&Deal at 11:41 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday)]


Posts: 905 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: USA
heartache101
♀ Member
Member # 26465
Default  Posted: 12:00 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Let us know what the lawyer says.
I would demand her never to be allowed to be aroound your son. This is not an act of responsible parenting.
The x is an asshat to call his son a liar. I would demand therapy for son at x's expense!
Just WOW!


There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3186 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
Topic Posts: 29
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