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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: OW allows 10-year-old to see her naked
heartache101
♀ Member
Member # 26465
Default  Posted: 12:03 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know since he didnt want to be a dad and husband I would tell him he doesnt have to worry about visitation!
Wow what rock did he crawl out of!


There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3187 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
hummingbird8
♀ Member
Member # 25086
Default  Posted: 8:34 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with Heal&deal. There is not enough information in this thread to decide if this was a mere accident. Yet abuse and charges have been raised.

I think people need to step back and realize many kids have accidentally walked in on their parents having sex. Does that mean their parents should be arrested? Be charged with abuse? What would happen if the table was reversed and the child accidentally walked in on the mother? Just because this was the OW doesn't mean it wasn't an accident. You can't let this color everything in your life. Find out the true facts and don't overreact.


Posts: 505 | Registered: Aug 2009
cliffside
♀ Member
Member # 38803
Default  Posted: 9:00 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would contact his girlfriend. There's a 50/50 chance it was a total accident. My daughter walked in on me changing a couple of weeks ago - it was my fault, I forgot to completely close the door because I was quickly changing and thought the kids were downstairs - I was in a rush.

But I would find out every detail of this. If it was a simple mistake because she's not used to having children around then that's one thing. If she has no problem with it, then that's another thing. But I think you should contact her directly, tell her you just want to understand what happened, and her reaction will probably give you everything you need. And if she is unapologetic, tell her she is never to do this again and you'll be in touch with the appropriate agencies if she does.

Lastly, you might want to try and record the conversation.

Hugs and good luck.


Me: BS 39
Him: WH 41
2 Kids
D-Day: 2/3/13
Broke NC 3/14
Very skeptically in R for now...

Posts: 269 | Registered: Mar 2013
hexed
♀ Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think nudity is such an intersting issue. I don't think we should run around in front of 10yr old children naked but accidents happen.

I get into routines when my SOs kids are not around that would not be appropriate when they are here. I don't always shut the bathroom door so I can hear the radio. I will run into the other room w/o clothes really quickly. I can see how this could happen.

I think it should be mentioned to the OW that she needs to be more careful but stopping visitation over one incident? That seems over the top. I get that this is the OW so feelings are probably extra negative. I wouldn't be thrilled but this all seems awfully dramatic.

MY SO's boys are 10. If they walked on me. I would calmly shut the door and that would be the end of it. We are all naked under our clothes and I think it creates funky issues for people if nudity becomes a HUGE issue.

My SO and I forgot to lock our bedroom door one time and one of the boys walked in during the middle of the night while were engaged in adult activities. He wasn't very awake and forgot to knock. We handled it very non-dramatically and its been a non-issue. We haven't forgotten to lock the door again though!


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8440 | Registered: Apr 2008
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I come from a family where you either have one set of parts or the other, and a big deal was not made of it. My spouse was as well. So we as a normal family are not modest, and tend not to hide ourselves from our kids. If our door is open they are welcome to come in, and my 16 yo son thinks nothing of seeing his old mom nekked.
Now of course when my kids have close friends over I do make sure doors are closed, and noone sees anything inappropriate. Age 10 is an interesting age too, he is starting to feel some man boy feelings I am sure, and seeing another woman naked other than mom, was a probably a first. So your X was a douche about it for sure, and as a Mom I would be tempted to speak directly to the OW about this, and just say hey, you don't have kids so you probably didn't even consider it, but can you please make sure my son doesn't see you sans clothes again? It was uncomfortable for him, and going forward will be even more so.

I can say that in my profession I have seen more bodies without clothes than with, and there have only been a few times where I had to look twice, or where I found something so interesting I had a second look. The first being the first penis tat I saw, and the second being implants on a 90 year old woman (CREEPY), and the first penile peircing. That was it, otherwise no biggie, and your son needs to understand that too. It's not taboo, it's just a body.

Anway, I'm sorry your X was such an ass.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8538 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
NewMom0220
♀ Member
Member # 39036
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think regardless of how your individual family views nudity, this wasn't a parent or a toddler involved. This is a ten year old boy who is dealing with a lot already. It would make me feel weird as an adult. So I agree with those who say to document it, and definitely talk to your son about it. It's not wrong to be naked, but it's wrong to be naked in front if someone else's kid.

Perhaps it was an accident but your Ex's reaction was disgusting. Why would your son lie to you and since when is "fuck you" an appropriate response to anything? That's abusive. What an asshole. He's just teaching his kid that he isn't concerned with hurting him but rather protecting his girlfriend. Gross.


Me: BS 36
Him: WS 37
14 month old DS
Married 5 years, together 8, DIVORCING!!! (taking forever)
DDay: 3/1/13 (4 Month PA while I was pregnant)
Sometimes all you have to do is forget what you feel and remember what you deserve.

Posts: 373 | Registered: Apr 2013
Kelany
♀ Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 10:03 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My kids see me naked when I change here and there. Its not a huge deal. I do close the door, but my 6 year old sometimes opens it. However, I am their mother.

My husband is my daughter's step father. She saw him naked once when she was three on accident, never again. He always changes when the door is closed.

What bothers me is that he is calling your son a liar. I think you need to have a frank discussion about it. I wouldn't call cps or anything, but it does need to be addressed.


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
hummingbird8
♀ Member
Member # 25086
Default  Posted: 10:05 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No one but the OP knows how the conversation with her ex went. If she immediately started threatening and goings off on him I'm sure he wasn't too receptive. Not saying she did, but we don't know.

Being a BS does not give us the right to go around threatening the other parent anytime they do something we don't like, to think everything the OW does is abusive or be abusive ourselves because they deserve it.

Just in this thread people have grown up in different households about nudity. It's not all abuse and the boy should not be taken away from his dad for something like this. Once again what if this happened the BS and the WS was threatening. I think people would be saying very different things.


Posts: 505 | Registered: Aug 2009
flygirl123
♀ Member
Member # 32672
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, October 25th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was calm and rational when I said something to Dad of the Year. I didn't say anything more than this happened and they need to take necessary steps to ensure it doesn't happen again.

While I feel that she has less morals than a street whore, I did give her the benefit of doubt in stating I understand accidents happen. But, when his first response was placing the blame on a 10-year-old...well...what on earth justifies that??

As I say this...I am reminded of the time he told his then 10-year-old daughter that if he had to choose between his kids and the ho...he'd choose the ho. So...he definitely has his priorities straight.

My attorney has everything documented...the nudity and so much more. I email everything to him (atty) as things happen. That way...there is never any question. Since Dad of the Year is always thousands behind in court ordered payments, I spend a ridiculous amount of time in his office anyways.

Do my boys see me nude? Of course. Do I run through the house naked or lounge around that way? No. But I live with three young children and privacy is something I rarely have. But...there is a distinct difference between seeing your parents nude and seeing your dads Jezebel in the buff. Especially when you are a 10-year-old boy on the cusp of puberty.

However, I did not make a huge deal out of it with my wonderful ex...but advised him it needs to not happen twice. I will never stop my boys from seeing their Dad...shitty as he is. But, if there ever comes a day when he skips off into Unicorn Fart Land with his latest human mattress, and never glances back????? I will be silently singing and dancing in sheer joy to not have to deal with him and his psychosis ever again.

And...I will never stop protecting my boys to the depths of my ability.


Me...40 and fabulous
WXH...just plain stupid
DS's...9,7 and 6
DDays that are too numerous to mention...but no longer have relevance.

Posts: 230 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Illinois Cornfields
Topic Posts: 29
Pages: 1 · 2

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