So since controlling me/us with phone calls isn't enough, now he's going to attempt to control us further with making up sick time.
Do you know what your choices are at this point?
I mean, if you already know that he is willing to take you to court for parental alienation, if you dont give any is this what will happen again?
This guy is off his rocker if he thinks its 'fair' or whatever to take your weekends away from you. This is so backwards.
What did the courts say the first time with these 2 missed phone calls?
No, he does not take care of the kids when they are sick. He does not want them when they are sick and makes sure to tell me & them this fact. He is strictly only a Disney Dad.
I have not read all of the other replies, but I assume I will be parroting other replies: if he doesn't want them when they're sick - TOUGH $HIT! There is NO make up time. Why the hell should you care for them and get them through their illness each time so you can hand off a healthy child to his majesty each time?! FTG! If the divorce isn't final I'd make sure to mention it to your lawyer so that "no make up time for sickness" is added. What a pompous prick he is. Ugh!
I suggest you do the same.
It is what it is.
This is a faintly gray area. First of all, due to the parenting evaluation we had, we aren't using anything even remotely like our state's standard visitation plan. A sick kid would normally mean make-up time the following weekend. If I had just one kid, this wouldn't be an issue. One kid, one set of make-up times to schedule. Not a problem.
Three kids will mean a perpetual calendar with perpetual make-up times scheduled & rescheduled. BTDT already last school year. It doesn't work. Someone always needs to be away making up sick time with Daddy.
I think my only option here is to force my sick kids to go.
You guys can't imagine this nightmare. He shows up for visitation up to 15 minutes early (because that's allowed by the state), then hangs out for up to 15 minutes after visitation should be started before driving off with the kids (because that's allowed by the state, to start 15 minutes late). Then at the end of visitation time he shows up early again, sometimes up to 40 minutes early, then hangs out sometimes up to 15 -30 minutes after visitation should have ended before finally leaving. And no, once he shows up there's no keeping the kids in the house, and no, once he returns there's no forcing the kids to immediately come inside while he's still sitting out front.
It makes me think of an animal urinating to mark it's territory. He's using his physical presence that's outside of our visitation timeframe to mark his territory.
ETA: State guidelines say the following weekend for make-up time. Except if the parent refuses to exercise their visitation time, then there's no make-up time. Again, this is a gray area I'll have to pay $$$ to clarify. STBX says that he did exercise his visitation, albeit with only two of the three kids. It is ME who kept the sick kid from him.
[This message edited by Nature_Girl at 2:37 PM, October 21st (Monday)]
As for the sick child. You send him an email that the child is sick and you will send their medication. Do not speak to him on the phone and only communicate by text and email. I was within my rights to insist upon this and it made a huge difference. Everything is documented and a smart addict will realize that. He will still try to screw with you until he has someone new on the hook. I pray for you that happens soon.
He does not have his own place. He has male roommates who he won't identify (he used to live with a sex addict, and used to do his visitation with another sex addict dad & his child), and one of them acts very strange "in that way" towards my children.
I've been in your situation. I know how much it sucks to have to deal with someone who is NPD.
If you have to force the kids to go with him when they are sick then you do it. You make it him that's refusing visitation and then it doesn't have to be made up.
If he wants to pretend to be a parent then he gets to act like one. That includes taking care of sick kids.
FTR, I have already spent $$$ to try and prevent solo visits, but to no avail. The family court system is broken, my friends. It's broken. You can NOT prevent stuff from happening to your kids. Our court system is based on "innocent until proven guilty", and the standards of evidence are radically different in family court than in the regular court system (whatever it's called). You cannot prevent your children from being abused. You can only TRY to take remedial action once your children are harmed, and even then it's shocking how many protective parents actually LOSE custody of their children entirely once an accusation of molestation or sexual abuse comes to light.
We seriously need to reform our family court system.
In the meantime, I'm sending my kids out sick and that's that. I won't have him controlling me or setting me up to be the bad guy or accusing me of parental alienation AGAIN.
God forgive me.
[This message edited by peridot at 6:30 PM, October 21st (Monday)]
I think that you send your sick children and KNOW that parenting time is parenting time. His suck ass failure as a parent doesn't change the definition of parenting time.
and because this is perfect:
I AM for father's rights and all that hubbub, what i am not for is Asshole rights.
I am repeating it and taking it down to the quote thread.
Anyway, I'm in the "sick kid? sorry, no score keeping" camp.
If he were normal, I'd suggest that he's capable of caring for a sick child and should, in fact--if for no other reason than to give you a break.
But he's not-- and there's no break when you have a PD a-hole for an ex.
He can just get over it. Your kids' illnesses aren't about him.
A sick kid would normally mean make-up time the following weekend
STBX says that he did exercise his visitation, albeit with only two of the three kids. It is ME who kept the sick kid from him.
But really, NG. None of this matters until and unless he files a motion with the court. He can blather, insult and grand-stand 'til the cows come home through text/email/phone. But until/unless he drags you back to court over it....it is really a non-issue.
God forgive me
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.