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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Are "Mondays" tough for anyone else?
TheAmazingWondertwin
♀ Member
Member # 40769
Sad  Posted: 8:21 AM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had what I consider a case of the Sunday night blues. And now the Monday morning blahs.
Most of our talking is done over the week end. We spend almost every moment together- wether its cleaning the house, hanging with the kids, grocery shopping, etc. The weekends, from Friday night to Sunday night are ours.
This past weekend was the first weekend where we did not have a 1-2 hour "talk" as we usually have been.
We had a great weekend- lots of cuddles, family time, amusement park (I ROCKED THE ROLLER COASTERS- was proud of me for that :).
Then yesterday afternoon, I started feeling detached, blah, tired. Oh so very tired.
So,is it because I was able to relax and have a good time that my body finally just crashed- making me so tired?

Am I depressed because I was "happy" that we were able to just have a good time together (I shouldn't have to be grateful for that, because thats what a family should do! Follow my logic?)

Or this morning when I just didn't want to move, I was getting ready like a robot- is that just because its Monday?
Then the whole ride to work- am I regressing? Am I angry? Am I sad?
I should talk to him. But what would I say? I cant even connect a thought in my own head and every time I land on a reason for how im feeling, or how he can fix it...I come up blank.
I re read about the "Plateau" and I even read a little about the 180. Scared myself because that is the first time I went there.
Maybe I feel like I should be doing something, and I just don't know what.
I think I am in that "waiting for the epiphany" stage.I know there won't be one...dribs and drabs, dribs and drabs...
On the bright side, here are some things I have figured out this morning...

*Time. Time. Time. It takes time.
*He has not done anything differently this weekend than he has done every weekend since this started. He is doing all that he can and more.
*Just because he is doing all of the right things does not mean I should be "better."

* I should not feel guilty because I am not "better." I am getting better. We are getting better, I can't rush this.

* Maybe my Monday morning blahs are my neediness and insecurities cropping up because he is not right there to reassure me.

*Maybe the whole weekend going by without a serious "talk" is what has me panicky. There's that "A' as the security blanket again.

and finally...
*just telling him that I miss him and am feeling weird is enough for now. Just texted him and his response automatically made me feel better deep down inside.

Thank you for reading friends. I don't always have a question, per se...but sometimes it helps to express myself through posts, and then hear your related feelings/expriences.

[This message edited by Wondertwin at 8:23 AM, October 21st (Monday)]


Everyday is a new day, some good, some bad.
Me- BS 39
Him- FWS
14 years- 2 middle school children
DDay- 07-24-2013
NC broken from August 6- 24, 2013
Avalanche of Truth on November 14, 2013
Length of A: June 10th to Dday- with broken NC

Posts: 474 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: East Coast
bionicgal
♀ Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 8:44 AM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, Mondays are hard for me for many of the same reasons. Even a discord-filled weekend like ours feels like connection compared to the sterile, coldness of Mondays.


me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is more like a mental break than a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.


Posts: 1965 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
catlover50
♀ Member
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 9:29 AM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mondays are actually a fairly common "thing" here at SI; I posted about it some months ago. So is coming back from vacation.

I don't all the whys, but my H learned to be extra loving on Monday mornings (often including sex) and would text me often. We also make Sunday nights a special time together, typically with a shared bath with all the trimmings.

And it got better. I no longer trigger on Mondays, or after vacations.

Best of luck. I wouldn't over analyze it; just try to ride it out with your husband's support.



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1731 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
devasted30
♀ Member
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 9:52 AM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree, Mondays are hard. I think your reasoning is sound. It's separation anxiety etc. I woke up around 3am and started thinking about all of it again and put myself in a funk. WHY - who knows....but, it happens. Another fallout from this - our new life.

Posts: 1187 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
TheAmazingWondertwin
♀ Member
Member # 40769
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Even a discord-filled weekend like ours feels like connection compared to the sterile, coldness of Mondays.

Yes, bionic, I agree. EVen the tough talks are better than no talks. It is crazy. I feel like a toddler who gets scared when their mommy leaves the room. I go into a panic until I see him again and then think "Whew- he still exists." Its a little frustrating that I cannot control this instinctive neediness. So not my normal mode.

I woke up around 3am and started thinking about all of it again and put myself in a funk.

Me too! Its like that movie "Amityville Horror" where the clock strikes 3:14 am and I pop up and can't stop the paranoia. Its definitely gotten better though, over the past week or so.

I wouldn't over analyze it; just try to ride it out with your husband's support.

Yes, catlover, I agree. After texting him a little while ago, he has sent several sweet and lovey texts- definitely making me feel better.

Thanks so much- I always feel a little more grounded after hearing your responses and relatable stories.

(((((all of you)))))))


Everyday is a new day, some good, some bad.
Me- BS 39
Him- FWS
14 years- 2 middle school children
DDay- 07-24-2013
NC broken from August 6- 24, 2013
Avalanche of Truth on November 14, 2013
Length of A: June 10th to Dday- with broken NC

Posts: 474 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: East Coast
ascian
♂ Member
Member # 40304
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Huh, I hadn't thought about that.

Tuesdays have been hard on me, off and on. D-Day was a Tuesday night, and for several weeks following I had a lot of anxiety on Tuesdays and Wednesday mornings.

Now that you bring it up, though, I wonder if the really bad Tuesdays followed a good weekend and some Monday withdrawal.


Me - BH 39
Her - FWW 36
D-Day: 8/13
Working on R

Posts: 299 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Midwest
Guttedagain
♀ Member
Member # 39126
Default  Posted: 11:41 AM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had just posted in general about how low i feel today. Monday blues and its after the week off so double whammy. Hate having to feel like this.


BS me 46
WS him 49
Married almost 25 yrs, together almost 30
2 DD 18 & 13
Dday #1 14/4/13
TT until Dday #2 28/4/13
Living one day at a time

Posts: 56 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
1ost0ne
♂ Member
Member # 40202
Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mondays have been tough for me as well. It is usually my least productive day and usually we had a fight that night. In the last couple of weeks, I have been able to get over the separation pretty easily and have a more normal day at work.

My WW has been having a case of the Mondays. This morning she's cold, avoiding and aloof. I'm starting to think another DDay is around the corner.


“The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”
― Maya Angelou

Posts: 84 | Registered: Aug 2013
Bikingguy
♂ Member
Member # 38103
Default  Posted: 2:11 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not just Monday's.

In fact the first 5 days after a weekend are tough

Sorry, I did not mean to make light of your real concern, just saw this on Facebook and could not resist.


Me: BH, 44
Her: WW, 43
D day. January 12, 2013

Posts: 672 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Socal
TheAmazingWondertwin
♀ Member
Member # 40769
Default  Posted: 2:27 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LOL- I always welcome jokes and smiles on my posts.

Laughter is my defense mechanism...there have been some doozies floating around my house lately in the way of "dark" humor about the A.
But hey...if you don't laugh, you cry, right?


Everyday is a new day, some good, some bad.
Me- BS 39
Him- FWS
14 years- 2 middle school children
DDay- 07-24-2013
NC broken from August 6- 24, 2013
Avalanche of Truth on November 14, 2013
Length of A: June 10th to Dday- with broken NC

Posts: 474 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: East Coast
Dance4Me
♀ Member
Member # 26284
Default  Posted: 2:31 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Monday's were always so tough for me for that first year post dday - I hated that! We did everything together on the weekends too - just like you. Monday would come and bam...I would be an insecure mess. First, all of my Hs bad behavior was done during work hours....so work was a trigger in itself. Next, my H worked very long days during the week - so I felt alone a lot, even with raising three kids. He was great about maintaining contact too - lots of loving texts and about three phone calls a day.

As time moved forward, and those wonderful connecting weekends continued pretty regularly, my Monday blues did start to fade. It doesn't happen overnight, but it does happen given time and genuine R. Hating Mondays are part of the process and as long as your H is remorseful and loving, you just gotta feel what you feel and move forward - even though it easier said than done!

You can do this.....

[This message edited by Dance4Me at 2:33 PM, October 21st (Monday)]


On Dday -BS-me 41 FWS-him 42
Married 19 years 3 kids (16,13,9)
D-Day 10/2/09- TT til Feb. 2010

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken.” -CS Lewis


Posts: 1040 | Registered: Nov 2009
TheAmazingWondertwin
♀ Member
Member # 40769
Default  Posted: 2:35 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dance4me-

As time does move forward, and thise wonderful connecting weekends continued pretty regularly, my Monday blues did start to fade. It doesn't happen overnight, but it does happen given time and genuine R. Hating Mondays are part of the process and as long as your H is remorseful and loving, you just gotta feel what you feel and move forward - even though it easier said than done!

thank you :) I know time will help everything...this Monday was already easier than last Monday.
A very smart person on this site (several actually) has advised that we don't look at the day to day for our "progress" but ...look at where were we two weeks ago, a month ago, 2 months, 3 months (AAAACK) ago...
I definitely see so much progress, and I am so very grateful!
Thank you SI


Everyday is a new day, some good, some bad.
Me- BS 39
Him- FWS
14 years- 2 middle school children
DDay- 07-24-2013
NC broken from August 6- 24, 2013
Avalanche of Truth on November 14, 2013
Length of A: June 10th to Dday- with broken NC

Posts: 474 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: East Coast
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 3:13 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think weekends become a security blanket initially.

You can be locked away with each other and don't have to be in a state of "where are they what are they doing". It's a pice of normal back when normal feels so far away.

Talk about your Monday morning fears with your WS, it's the only way to get through them. Together maybe you can figure out what can help you through the Monday blues.

Eventually the start of the work week or your separation time from each other won't be as difficult. It does get better and easier to manage.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3801 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
heartache101
♀ Member
Member # 26465
Default  Posted: 3:31 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am starting up yet another business and when I do I will be closed on MONDAYS! Absolutely hate them!

I know then my Tuesday will be a Monday but oh well!! Haha...


There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3187 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
ladies_first
♀ Member
Member # 24643
Default  Posted: 7:20 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We spend almost every moment together- wether its cleaning the house, hanging with the kids, grocery shopping, etc. The weekends, from Friday night to Sunday night are ours.

Is your primary "love language" Quality Time?


"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

Posts: 2143 | Registered: Jun 2009
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 7:34 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MONDAYS SUCK!!!! Today was Monday....pretty much sucked early on...but got better.

I was ignorant to so much of what goes on after adultery enters a marriage. We actually had 2 months of weekly MC immediately following my DD.....guess what day we choose? MONDAY!

It took me 2 months to see this pattern of really bad pain on Monday. In my case, I saw emails that my wife sent to her AP basically praying for Monday to get here so she could be done with me and back with him. So I even had strong clues as to why Mondays would be tough for me....just took a while to connect the dots.

But even without that I see so many folks on here wrestles with Mondays.

They do get better....some of my early Mondays I had to actually look at my boots and force my feet to walk to my work truck...as I think about those days they happened during the time period when my wife took her EA to the PA level......oh well.

It does get better....compared to THOSE Mondays, today was a cake walk.

Funny how we get use to things.....there was a time when I thought $3 a gallon gas was outrageous!

Hang tough Wondertwin...I am following your journey with much interest....you seem to be clicking right through your journey....half way expect to see you pass me!

God be with us all.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 7:36 PM, October 21st (Monday)]


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3683 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 7:39 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A very smart person on this site has advised that we don't look at the day to day for our "progress" but ...look at where were we two weeks ago, a month ago, 2 months, 3 months

.....that would be me!

(okay, so it wasn't me...feeling a bit playful tonight....Please just indulge me!)


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3683 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
IDeserveMore
♀ Member
Member # 40460
Default  Posted: 9:08 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Same for me, for years. Once I discovered the affair, they couldn't talk anymore on the cell (since I was monitoring it). Then on Monday morning he would just be quiet and itching to get to work.

It's so sad to realize I felt like that for so long.


Me BS 45, him 48, 15yo DD and 13yo DS
DD#1 1998, DD#2 2004
6 years of TT yields chronicity.
I may never get over it.

Posts: 71 | Registered: Aug 2013
niaveone
♀ Member
Member # 40317
Default  Posted: 10:58 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG, I HATE Mondays too! I told WS and our counselor that. I couldn't figure out why, but then realized he told me he wanted to end our marriage on a Monday (it took him until Thurs to tell me about affair though), and it was on a Monday that I got a phone call that told me he was back with OW (again, took to Thur to confirm it).

I thought that was the reason I hated Mondays. This thread made me realize that yes, WS would connect with her at work and during lunch hour...so...yes, I am nervous all day on Mondays...wondering if he is going to attempt to reconnect with her after the weekend.

Rationally, I am 90% sure he isn't doing that...but I'll NEVER be 100% sure. Who can be? An affair teaches us that you can never fully trust anyone ever again. :(


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married: 17 years
2 children
2 DDays

Posts: 212 | Registered: Aug 2013
TheAmazingWondertwin
♀ Member
Member # 40769
Default  Posted: 5:29 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everybody. I love this place because anytime I notice a pattern or new phase, I ask.. "Is this a THING?" And then I post it and find out, "YES! It IS a thing! Everyone else feels it too!"
The feeling of having people that understand has been paramount to my survival through this.
I cannot express my gratitude enough for everyone that is brave enough to share their personal journeys.
And thank you Blakesteele- you have often left very encouraging replies (funny too) and it helps boost me up.
I feel like I have a semi guardian angel looking out for me. :)

[This message edited by Wondertwin at 5:30 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday)]


Everyday is a new day, some good, some bad.
Me- BS 39
Him- FWS
14 years- 2 middle school children
DDay- 07-24-2013
NC broken from August 6- 24, 2013
Avalanche of Truth on November 14, 2013
Length of A: June 10th to Dday- with broken NC

Posts: 474 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: East Coast
Topic Posts: 26
Pages: 1 · 2

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