I'm sorry you are here but glad you found us. Please read the healing library to the upper left.
Wandering spouses LIE so don't trust that you are getting the truth. Make an appointment for STD checks and do not have sex with her unprotected.
Consider individual counseling for you and maybe marriage counseling. I'll bump a couple of threads you need to read. Also there is a great site for betrayed men in the I Can Relate section.
Read, drink water, exercise and make no hasty decisions.
Not to downplay your hurt but trust me odds are more will come out over time. Saying "we just did foreplay" might be her way of telling you something did happen but it wasn't all that bad. She might be feeling you out to see your reaction. Then she will decide if either she feels she's gotten away without telling you all the truth, or will be force to spill everything. So be careful here.
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley
I'm sorry, I don't have any advise.
But I will say whatever you do there must be consequences. Noticeable consequences.
Take care my friend. Know that you have been heard. We care.
Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
During the time my wife was gone I went completely dark on her except for Google calender notices to arrange visitation times for the kids. I also went to a lawyer and filed the divorce paperwork. I had her served at work and this is what broke her.
From that day forwards she was lighting up my phone and email begging me to let her come home. After two months I did. I put the D on hold, but the process has not been dismissed yet. Just a phone call to my lawyer and he will file for a new D date.
[This message edited by DefeatedDad at 4:16 PM, October 21st (Monday)]
Divorcing her sorry a--.
As far as sex goes. Is it too soon for you both? A LOT has happened here, even if they didn't have intercourse. There's a lot left to be worked out here and she needs to make a decision, one that unfortunately you have little to do to influence. You're biting from the same shit sandwich we've all had to bite on.
Get one thing. It's not YOUR fault. She's the one who chose to text, sext, flirt, and whatever else. It was consensual, she wasn't forced.
She's probably confused now as well. You caught her, she's probably stunned by that. They all think they're smarter than they are. Even the good cheaters eventually get caught. Speed enough times, you'll get pulled over. You both need time to figure out what each wants and can then begin building plans for whatever the future holds. Time....the mother of all salt in wounds...
Sorry, I wish I could say she'll say she's sorry, it'll never happen again, you're the one for her, she'll love you for eternity, and life will be the same as before. Hopefully it will, maybe it won't. Sorry, you'll be suspicious for a long time, there will be triggers. There will be more peaks and valleys to the roller coaster. Please give strong thought to IC and MC. Check with your employers, many offer assistance (EAP, AAP) that will pay for a certain number of sessions.
Glad you found us here and know you're not alone.
First thing is you need to calm down and get your emotions in check. You have to admit to yourself you married a cheater. You then have to admit that you have handled this the exact opposite way in which you should have.
Cheaters are extreme people who live in a fantasy land. Your begging and crying and following your wife around like a puppy is only going to make you look weaker and more pathetic to a person who has no respect for you anyways.
Ask her calmly if she wants you or the OM. If she cannot give you an answer or she says she wants the OM ask her to pack and leave the domicile.
Go to a lawyer today for a free consult. Find out what your rights are. Arm yourself with the facts and start filling out the divorce forms.
You need to take back control from your WW. You need to move all your pay over to a bank account just in your name. Cut off her cell phone if you are paying for it. Make her get her own phone. Do not finance their affair.
And they did have sex. They are lying to you. Tell her she's a bald face liar and that you were not born under a rock.
Quit talking to the OM. Why should he tell you the truth? He snagged your woman.
If it had been me your wife would have been out on the curb by now.
[This message edited by DefeatedDad at 11:16 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday)]