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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Boob job or no boob job that is the question.
forgivingnow
♀ Member
Member # 33549
Default  Posted: 7:43 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

letitout
I am 2 weeks postop having breast augmentation. Went from a AA to full B, tear drop silicone implants. I am very happy with my decision.
My husband did not want me to do this either. Said he loved me as I am...good answer:) but I have always wanted this.
Once I stopped asking him if he wanted me to do this and asked my self what I wanted I had my answer. It is not about him...
Like the others have said, make sure this is something you want to do for you, not because of the infidelity.
Once my husband understood how important this was to me, he supported me. I found my voice when I turned 50 earlier this year:)
Good luck.


Me-BS 51
FWH-51
M 31 yrs.
Dday 3-19-11, TT 10/2011, Full truth July 2013
Strength comes from within. You can't get it from someone or go somewhere to get it. It is already here, waiting to be used when you need it most. Believe in yourself.
R

Posts: 615 | Registered: Oct 2011
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd like to throw in a different point here, for your consideration.

You could decide to value, enjoy, and be proud of your body as you are. I know it's easier said than done, but I wanted to offer this approach. Really, you are enough now; you've always been enough in the past, you always will be enough.

If you go for it, though, I hope you get everything positive that you want.

[This message edited by sisoon at 9:49 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday)]


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10332 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
doubleboggy
♂ Member
Member # 40622
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My wife had a boob job. She really wanted them. I, however, wanted her to keep the real thing. But, in the end I wanted her to be happy with herself. I would bet your husband wants the same. Talk, explain, and try to get him to see your point.

Unlike some here, I believe that it is not just your body, it is his too. Just like his body is not just his, but yours too. What he does with his body (such as: Affair), effects you and you have a say in how he treats, uses, cares for it. The same would be true for you and your body. "The two will become one flesh" could be interpreted this way.

And by the way, even though I didn't want the augmentation, they are really, really, beautiful to look at. And it hasn't kept me from wanting to touch them either.


D Day: 3/31/13

Posts: 106 | Registered: Sep 2013
Bobbi_sue
♀ Member
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 10:48 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The only person's opinion that truly matters, is yours.
While I agree that your opinion on this is more important than anyone's I don't agree that his opinion should not matter nor be considered in the overall decision.

I would like some cosmetic procedures (not a boob job) and my H is very much against it. So far, that is enough to keep me from doing it.

Just like tattoos. Often that comes up o these forums and the attitude seems to be to hell with what your spouse thinks, if you want it, get it.

I just think if you love someone, what they think about just about everything should matter, and in some cases even sway your your actions and decisions to their way.


Posts: 5759 | Registered: Apr 2006
catlover50
♀ Member
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I went for it after Dday! I had lost my boobs to breastfeeding but had held off having surgery when the kids were little. After Dday I was willing to do something for me. I did an under the muscle, which my (excellent) surgeon said would look more natural and went appropriate for my build to a B/C cup.

Both of us love them! They look and feel natural. I have more confidence naked (and with an empty nest there is a lot of running around the house naked!), in a bathing suit or athletic top. Plus they are more fun in bed, IMHO.

So, thumbs up from me!



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1748 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If my husband wanted to get a tattoo I wouldn't care. I don't find them personally very attractive but he's the one who has to live in his body all day. As attractive as his body is, it's his mind that makes me really attracted to him..


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

The conditions we face do not define us. They remind us of who we are and who we want to be.


Posts: 5230 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
Scubachick
♀ Member
Member # 39906
Default  Posted: 11:06 PM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been considering the same thing. I've seen a couple of surgeons for consultations. I'm definitely getting silicon over saline, but for those that have had the procedure - do you recommend under the muscle or over? I want as absolutely natural as possible for results.

Under the muscle for sure!


Posts: 708 | Registered: Jul 2013
hallelujah
♀ Member
Member # 32283
Default  Posted: 7:29 AM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess since the beginning of time human beings have been cutting and binding and piercing and stretching and scarring for the purpose of aesthetics. For the life of me I don't get why somebody would take even a small risk to their life for the purpose of looking "better." But hey, whatever makes you happy.

Posts: 107 | Registered: May 2011
TarnishedSilver
♀ Member
Member # 37166
Default  Posted: 7:55 AM, October 23rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had a lift done after I knew I was done having kids.
BEST thing I have ever done, for my self.
Fwh said I didn't need it done but he sure does love the end result.

This was done 11 years ago and they are still where they should be. Fwh infidelities were all years before this and I didn't even know about it, so that had nothing to do with my choice.


Me-BS (47)
Him-WH (48)
Married 26 years together 31
2 teenagers
Dday #1- 2/20/2011
Dday #2- 1/08/2012

Healing myself is now my top priority.


Posts: 156 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: USA
Bobbi_sue
♀ Member
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 1:54 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If my husband wanted to get a tattoo I wouldn't care.
I would care if my H got one. He knows I think they are ugly. He would be extremely upset if I got one too, and would probably consider it a sign I didn't give a damn what he thought about much of anything.

That is how I feel about someone getting cosmetic surgery if their spouse is against it too. It is great for those who have a spouse that doesn't care either way. But if he does care and doesn't want you to do it, and you do love him/her, then yes I think it should be part of the overall decision.


Posts: 5759 | Registered: Apr 2006
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 2:15 AM, October 24th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

letitout

Thanks for posting this. I have always been uncomfortable with my boobs. I really don't like them and never had long before dday.

FWH says it doesn't matter to him. But his OWs all had MUCH bigger boobs than me.

I agree with those who say it should be about what each woman wants and shouldn't be about the OWs. Not do I believe it should be about the H. I would never have them done for my FWH (before or after dday). In fact if he ASKED me to get them done I would probably be livid.

Having said all that, I read so often on here about women working to rebuild their self esteem and this often includes self-soothing by losing weight, redoing the hair, makeup, clothes etc. I did those things after dday and they really did make me feel so much better. I guess that sounds a little shallow but I truly believe these things help.

So why not a boob job??

It has been in the back of my mind for quite a while now. So maybe.

Anyway thanks again to letitout and all those other ladies who have shared their thoughts and most importantly their experiences. Thanks too to the Menz who have shared. It's great to hear from you too.

Laura


Married 32yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 60yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA 16+ years).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2753 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 31
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