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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Just like before, but not quite...
NoReGrets
♀ Member
Member # 37902
Default  Posted: 10:39 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's so weird that despite everything that has happened, we still get along so well. It's so easy to just be around each other and spend time together.

Sure, I have my triggers, and there are moments -- too often -- when my mind drifts back to the nightmare of 2012, but overall, it's really nice to be with him and do things we both enjoy together.

I guess we are in the "dating" stage again and just seeing how compatible we are. We are taking things extremely slow.

To be honest, I'm quite surprised by how well we do get along now. As neat and exciting as all this is, it also makes me sad that as our situation is what it is now. It's so similar to what we had but at the same time, so different.

I look forward to the day that I no longer care about the A or the OP. I feel that as long as I harbor resentment towards the A and the OP, the OP still has power over me. Does a time ever come when you don't think about the A or the OP?

I think about how well things are going now, and then I immediately wonder how it is that he could do such a thing to me. It's almost surreal. Am I a weirdo here? This makes me feel like I'm bipolar!


Posts: 140 | Registered: Dec 2012
morethantrying
♀ Member
Member # 40547
Default  Posted: 10:56 PM, October 21st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess I am just like you. It is the same with him but different and when it feels the "same" I get worried because the same,when all felt ok, he was actually having affairs...so feeling like all is still the same (ok, fine) is now not so great.So feeling things are the SAME is actually scary and upsetting now.

I still don't quite feel "natural" with him...I feel like I am trying...I guess I am changing..we are changing relating in a new and better way, but it is still a change and change feels strange..yet at times it all feels familiar and the same...but that scares me more...yes I like you am all over the place...wish I could just turn my brain off for a few days....

[This message edited by morethantrying at 10:58 PM, October 21st (Monday)]


Affairs - hard on us both - but love will win.
Me: BS 55
Him: WS 62
Married 32 yrs.
dday TT from 12/2012-2/2013)...

Posts: 291 | Registered: Sep 2013
ItsaClimb
♀ Member
Member # 37107
Default  Posted: 3:00 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think about how well things are going now, and then I immediately wonder how it is that he could do such a thing to me. It's almost surreal. Am I a weirdo here? This makes me feel like I'm bipolar!

Me too!! And I also wonder how I can even want to reconcile with someone who did those things to me... And yet we DO have good times together... it messes with my mind!


BS 46
Together 29 yrs, M 25 years
2 daughters 24yo(married with a brand new little daughter) & 19yo
D-Day 18 Aug 2012
6mth EA lead to 4mth PA with CO-W. I found out 8 1/2 yrs later

Posts: 988 | Registered: Oct 2012
devasted30
♀ Member
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 4:19 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Me too. I feel exactly the same. But, when I look very closely - yes, there is a difference. We kiss, cuddle and make love - we didn't do that for years. How could I have believed that he didn't want/need it? WTF was wrong with me? Now, the question is - am I going to be enough or is he hooked on the thrill?
He says he's happier now then he's been in years, but is it just a lull..............

Posts: 1225 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
TheAmazingWondertwin
♀ Member
Member # 40769
Default  Posted: 5:19 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh I am struggling with the same things right now. We have reached a pint were we don't talk about it anymore- not as much- it's been about three days. We had some great times with the kids and extended family, we baked, watched movies, cleaned up the house. All very pleasant and enjoyable.
But, yah... It's just weird. Not natural is exactly how I'd describe it. How can he just shut it off and get back to normal? But isn't that what I wanted? It's that epiphany that we are always looking for- that day where we truly feel its going to be okay. I don't think it's out there. So are we just faking it? I have to admit that I honestly don't know what he's thinking.
And the thing that keeps coming back to me is... He pretended before, how divi know he's not pretending now? How do I tell the difference between acting normal to help is move on and acting normal to cover up the pain?
Sorry- guess I didn't have tons of advice- but I can definitely relate.
He left this morning without saying "I love you"
Why is that sticking in my head so much?

[This message edited by Wondertwin at 5:19 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday)]


Everyday is a new day, some good, some bad.
Me- BS 39
Him- FWS
14 years- 2 middle school children
DDay- 07-24-2013
NC broken from August 6- 24, 2013
Avalanche of Truth on November 14, 2013
Length of A: June 10th to Dday- with broken NC

Posts: 474 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: East Coast
Topic Posts: 5

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