Together 15 years, married 6, 1 child (a girl), age 7.
WH: 36 y.o., EA/PA since March
OW: 25, 1 child (not WH's)
Me: 33, BS
Separated Nov. 16, 2013
Filing for divorce: Jan. 27, 2014
[This message edited by LMomof2 at 10:30 AM, October 22nd (Tuesday)]
You are already experiencing common symptoms of loss of appetite and poor sleeping. You need to look at making sure that you eat and drink. Try to throw some exercise in there too as that will help.
If you are feeling like you are in a constant panic attack then I'd go to your doctor about that. You might need a medication to break that cycle and allow you to function better.
He says he loves us both
If he truly loves you then why would he be engaging in an affair which he knows is hurtful to you? This sounds more like he is trying to get you to buy into his choice.
Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless
There are shortcuts to happiness, and dancing is one of them-Vicky Baum
I forgot to mention that OW is moving in with him tomorrow. When does the pain stop?
I am so sorry that you are hurting. It takes a while to get over this. I found that while I could not eat "food", I could keep down liquids. Ensure was my savior. If you haven't already, check out the Healing Library on the upper left hand corner. You will see that you are not alone and many of us have stood in your shoes. Also read up on the 180, this will help you get a little control over your life.
Because he is being such a moron, I suggest you see an attorney pronto and protect yourself and your child. See if you can charge him with abandonment along with infidelity. Have divorce papers drawn up immediately and have his nasty ass served.
Many of us have found that the only chance you have to save the marriage is to let it go. Let him see that you are not going to take this shit and play back seat to some whore. He wants to live with his girlfriend? Fine, then he will no longer be married to you. He doesn't get to decide "which girl wins", you do.
Is the whore married? If so, it will help you immensely if you tell her husband about the affair.
Finally, don't discuss any of this with your husband, he will talk you out of it. He will say that by filing for divorce you are ruining any chance of him coming home. FTG, him screwing that woman is ruining the marriage.
Keep posting and try to get some fluids in. I know this feels like forever and the end, but you are going to be ok.
Did you move out on your own? You know that is still your home!
If I can give some advice that I never took myself and wish I would have not been so scared would have been to file ASAP and knock him off his high horse. Even if he was still going to be with skanktwat, I would have had a better chance of saving my marriage than I do now with all the crap we went through and will have to go through. So much has been done now that I am not sure about us at all. We are seperated and that is the best thing for me.
I want you to know that we care about you and understand. We will always be in your corner.
Stand your ground, protect yourself and child, and kick his ass off the fence.
That co worker is nothing be a HO and a homewrecker. She is nothing be a jezebell and she will not last.
You are worthy, you are specical, you are loving, caring, and a GREAT wife. It is his damn loss.
All of our wh's were are bestfriend and mine still tells me.. but how could a bestfriend throw you to the curb like that and not consider you and your child?
He is having the OW move into your house? HELL NO!
I know you don't want to file and you don't have to. This is your life and you will play it out the way you need to. We are just stating that most that filed right away kicked the wh off the fence.
The Healing Library has all things in red. FAQs, Articles, Books, etc. Start reading!!!
It is absolutely true that you have to be willing to let go of your marriage to save it. Let me repeat that: You Have To Be Willing To Let Go Of Your Marriage To Save It.
He wants you both, and he knows he can have it because he knows YOU. Don't let him do this to you. Get to a lawyer to find out what your options are, and do the 180 on him. The 180 is listed in the Healing Library under FAQ for the BS, #11, I believe. Do it now! You can't waste time on this if the whore is moving in tomorrow!
We are all here for you, and I am going to private message you after I post this.
Sending you hugs!!!!! Please take care of YOU and YOUR BABY right now.
Please look at your precious daughter and think about how much she needs her mom. Think about all of the things she will need you for in the future.
Please find someone to spend the night with you tonight. You shouldn't be alone. I understand that you are hurting and devastated, but you have so much going for you. Do not let this shell of a person your husband has become destroy you. You have strength inside you. Find it and fight, for you and for your daughter.
Please keep posting so we know you're okay.
was already feeling down about that and ready to throw in the towel and move back with him
So you had moved out before you found out about the affair? May we ask why? Why did you leave your home with him?
The best way to end his cake eating behavior is to stop being one of his options. Right now, he's lost nothing. He has his girlfriend, and his wife is waiting in the wings. In order for this selfish behavior to stop, he needs to see that his options are dwindling.
If he has lost nothing, what reason does he have to stop? He isn't seeing the pain you're in - he only sees his selfish wants. So, again, if he hasn't lost anything, what reason does he have to stop?
Very, very gently... Please read your posts as if you were reading them to your very best friend or sister.
What advice would you give them? and, How angry would you feel?
'She's' messed up a few times?
He has messed up MONUMENTALLY.
Breathe nice deep breaths. Protein snacks and smoothies are good at this time.
You are good mother, you are kind and you are strong.
Sending peace x
Her last chance? When is his last chance??? You realize you are hoping your husband's girlfriend screws up so he will go back to you. He is YOUR husband. Do you really want him if he's only with you because she messed up?
I truly believe the only way to end what he is doing is to force his hand. If he knows you are no longer waiting in the wings, he will be forced to either stop what he is doing, or you will be free and know for certain what the outcome is.
I know this hurts, and it's scary, but what he is doing is unacceptable. Is this really what you want your daughter to think is acceptable? This is the example she is seeing - that it's ok for a man to treat his wife disrespectfully and to have his girlfriend move in, and the wife just sits on the sidelines.
Sweetheart, I feel so badly for you. The pain you are in must be tremendous. Please, don't let fear of the unknown rule you. You have been living without him for some time. You don't need to know you have a husband to be ok. Please, don't accept any more disrespect from this man.