Together 15 years, married 6, 1 child (a girl), age 7.
WH: 36 y.o., EA/PA since March
OW: 25, 1 child (not WH's)
Me: 33, BS
Separated Nov. 16, 2013
Filing for divorce: Jan. 27, 2014
He says that it kills him that he has hurt me like this..
He is a liar. He has compartmentalized this. It may hurt when he sees you, but beyond that? He's doing what he wants and enjoying himself.
You say that when you cry, your child thinks it's because you miss daddy. So when OW is living with Daddy, then what?
I don't mean to be harsh. You deserve so much more than this. Your husband is a selfish cheater who, right now, is being allowed to live with his girlfriend while telling his wife how bad he feels. If he felt bad, would he be moving her in? He wants to keep you waiting.
You deserve more than this. It's up to you if you get it or not, but you do not deserve to stay in this pain.
And I can promise this - your husband does not deserve to have ANYONE waiting for him, or loving him. He's so unlovable. And he knows she messaged you with such hateful words? And still he's going to live with her huh?
Do you want this woman around your daughter? If she goes to visit her father, this woman will be there. Your H should not want her around simply for sending you a hateful message. You are the mother of his child!
I"m sorry - but again, this only goes on for as long as you allow it. There is no happy ending here. If things don't work with OW, and he takes you back, will you be happy knowing that he wanted someone else there but is settling for you because that didn't work? He must choose you - anything less will have you miserable for years.
I'm sorry you are hurting, I am, but you have the power to end this pain. Your H will not stop as long as he has both you and OW, and right now he does. The only way to change that is by you walking away. You can do this. YOu should want ore for yourself. He is not being a loving husband, and you should not accept anything less than a loving husband.
I wish you peace of mind, and clarity. I pray that you soon realize that your H won't stop, and that you must be the one to walk away.
Please go see an IC and your Dr! It really helps. The advice and validation from a counselor are comforting. The meds (I went on an anti-depressant, anti-anxiety and sleep-aid) helped a lot! I had never needed these types of meds in my life. But, under these types of circumstances you need all the help you can get.
Knowing how you feel I wish I could do more for you. I hope you have a family/friend support system that you can lean on. It is essential.
You are worth so much more than being his leftovers. Take one day at a time. Be strong! Know that we all care and understand. Stay in touch often. Hugs
He asked her how mommy was, and she said that mommy was sad and sick. He told her to make sure she gave me extra hugs because some were from him.
Uggh. That is manipulative self motivated crap.
He was calling his daughter whom he had move out for 'financial' reasons only to move the OW right on in. Uggh. The OW was probably waiting right next to the phone until he was off to PROVE that she is the right choice.
He has you sick for the loss of him and her acting the fool to show she is the 'one' for him. And all he has to do to keep the plates spinning is throw words around. Pretty words. Manipulative words.
Watch his actions. He is living with the OW.
She gets his time and attention and the financial monies that are in that home. Not the family he had move out. Please see him for who he is right now.
That doesn't mean he can't change or climb out of the alien pod he is living in. But you have to deal with who he is today. Not the Husband he was or that you want him to be.
Start with baby steps. Protect your daughter, her rights to CS and yourself.
Please eat. And drink. If you can't keep anything down, you have to go see a dr.
It will come. This isn't a bad anger...it is a "fight for survival" anger. The man that stitched together your broken pieces so long ago is gone. This person is tearing you apart and causing your bleeds. Don't let him do this to you a moment longer.